My story

So, I have been thoroughly inspired to write out my salvation story by reading the amazing posts on the blogs of Meg & Rachel. Here goes:

I was raised in a Lutheran church with an unsaved mom who had been through hell and back. She lost her first husband (my dad) when I was four and my brother was two. She was in her 20's, my dad had handled just about everything at home, and his death was ridiculously sudden (he had a massive heartattack on the angiogram (sp?) table. Yeah, that's the test they do to check your heart. As an aside, it was the first and only patient my doctor ever lost. My dad was only 29). I'm sure she felt hopeless. At that point, the Church took care of my mom (even though salvation was never something talked about, let alone accepted openly). It was just God's unseen hand in our lives.

When I was 5, my mom married our mailman. Yes, that's the humor in the story. He had a son from a previous marriage, so I now had two brothers. Mom and the Mailman had another kid, so now, I had three brothers. It was an interesting life. I was still pretty much completely unaware of God, until I turned 10, and my parents got a divorce. To be honest, I wasn't really surprised - I was almost relieved. They didn't have a healthy marriage - it was obvious - but it was still really hard for all of us. We (my mom, me, and two brothers) moved out of the house we had all lived in, and I started counseling. I know that seems random, but it's a very key part to my life, as God revealed to me later.

It was after the divorce that everything changed. When I was in 6th grade, my mom got saved. Not from a service, or being called to an altar, but in her bedroom after hitting me for the last time. My mom wasn't abusive, but when she was angry, it was easy for her to give into her anger, and at that time, she was very heavily under conviction - God was calling her to himself, and she was resisting. When she gave her life to Jesus, it was a complete 180 - she was a totally different person. It was hard to see without being judgemental, and trust me, plenty of people (including family) were very judgemental. I started attending a Christian summer camp that summer, and I cried a lot. I knew things were off, but I didn't really know what to do about them. I guess I technically got saved that summer, but it was just the beginning of a long, excrutiating roller coaster ride. My mom got married for the third time to my now-stepdad when I was 13. It was a tough time for me, not because of a new dad, but because I felt like my mom was being too dependant, and at 13, that wasn't a cool thing for me to see. I rebelled a lot.

In high school, I had random experiences with God. Looking back now, I could see his hand working all things together, but at the time, I was way too self-absorbed to see anything. I went through multiple stages (as most teenagers do), and in my senior year, I got to my lowest point. I was at the point where I didn't care anymore. I had lived this double lifestyle for so long - to some, I was a great Christian and leader, and to others, I was just another girl who struggled with life and who didn't have the answers. It was paradoxical because I knew who God was, I believed in Jesus and everything he did, but my life showed none of that. Satan took whatever ground I would give him, and I gave him a lot. I won't go into detail, but if you would like to know, please ask. Anyway...it came to the second semester of my senior year, and I was even planning on going to a Christian college. I had all the plans together - what my major was going to be, where I was going to live, etc. I was sitting in my bedroom, thinking about everything that was going on in my life, and a song came on my stereo - "Why" by Nichole Nordeman. It's a secret song on one of her CDs, and it talks about the crucifixtion from different points of view - from a little girl, from Jesus and from God. The song is amazingly written, and by the end, I was curled up on my floor, balling my eyes out. It was the first time I really and truly understood that it was MY sin that nailed Jesus to the cross, and it was only HIS love that could save me. I (finally) gave up my struggle and let Jesus in.

Over the last 6 years, I have been through a LOT. I went through periods where I felt like God was nowhere near me. I went through times where I literally could feel God's presence right next to me. There have been PLENTY of ups and downs. My last post was a specific experience I had with the Holy Spirit, but he has been right there the whole time. God brought me to Alabama, gave me Paul, and allows me to help bring community to one of the best churches in the area - Safe Harbor. I could cry right now just thinking about where God has taken me from, and where He'll take me to. He's an awesome God to serve, love, and share with others. I'm so thankful that He chose me - a prideful, lustful, angry girl - to be made whole by HIS love and grace.

My life verse is Philippians 4:13 (it's one of my tattoos) - "I can do ALL things through CHRIST who strengthens me." I pray that God makes real to whoever reads this what His strength truly is. :)

P.S. I'm uber-pumped about girl's night. Yay!!