I love my husband

but this class may be the death of us. HA! JK. But seriously...the class is called Current Issues in Theology, and it's pretty intense. He has to write a paper every week, be involved in a threaded discussion online with the people in the class, lots of research, etc., and I think he may be getting a tad overwhelmed. He's currently doing research for a paper about who the Holy Spirit is, and he's reading some of the stuff he's found out loud to me, and it's making my head hurt. LOL. Hopefully, it will turn out the way he wants. But if you find a minute, prayers for Paul would be great!

I don't know why, but I'm in a blogging mood lately. I guess now that I'm feeling better, my mind is more clear and my heart is lighter. Kinda. I went back to the gym today for the first time in two weeks, and although I know I'm going to be sore tomorrow, it felt really good. I was really proud of myself because even though I've been out of the groove for two weeks, I was still able to do 50 minutes of cardio without feeling like I was going to die. :) I'm learning (finally) that being happy with who I am is really the start of being happy in general. I've really hated on myself for my weight, but whether from weariness or from inspiration, I've decided that if I'm careful with what I eat (moderation) and I exercise when I can, then that's really all I can do. And I'm ok. Whoop.

So tattoo addiction may really a problem for me. Not really, but maybe. I just think they're an amazing expression and a beautiful art form, even if people get really dumb tattoos. I'm watching LA Ink right now, and a guy just got a tattoo of a Buddha on his stomach, to the point where his belly button was the Buddha's belly button. It's ridiculous, but still a personal expression of who he is. Not many art forms can say or do that in my opinion.

I am severely addicted to Solitare Race on AOL games. It's bad.

And Paul is still reading to me...my brain...is slowly turning...to mush. ;)

I made some changes

Hope they're asthetically pleasing to you! :)

It's Friday

and I feel a million times better - we purchased some Mucinex D, and I could breathe today!! :) It's like magic! Anyway, I was reading through some bloggage from some of the best people in the world, and it inspired me to write. First of all, tattoos and bookstores make me feel better about life. I have four tattoos now (and have at least three more in idea form currently), and I-don't-know-how-many books, purchased from numerous wonderful bookstores, and quite frankly, that makes me feel more relaxed and satisfied with life.

There are things that make me feel less-than-satisfied, though. Part of me feels like a failure because I didn't go to college. Part of me thinks I'm wasting my time at my job. A super really huge part of me wants to move because I feel like we'll be able to give more of ourselves to our church. Part of me struggles with EXTREME laziness and an addiction to the TV. So I'm basically gliding along in life...not making many waves or big decisions or moves. And that drives me CRAZY. I know God has things in store for us, but my impatience ruins me. I do feel like I'm growing, but is it in the right way? Am I gaining good things in my spiritual life?

I don't know the answers to these questions. And I have to be ok with that. It's hard, but it's necessary. Right?

I bought four pairs of [cheap] shoes today, and that purchase may or may not have included a pair of heels [ooooooh...]. And I bought the Sara Bareilles CD. [She's amazing, btw.] Also, it looks like the boy's camping trip was changed to next weekend [thanks Dave!] so Paul will be able to attend. Hopefully, I will get to spend some amazing time with the land owner's wife [a.k.a Megan].

I turn 25 in 9 days. It's affecting me more than I thought it would. And now, I'm headed to bed. Good night, all...

It's Tuesday

and once again, I'm sick. You know...I have never been as sickly as I am now and I believe it's because of my stupid job. I was discussing this with my supervisors before I got sick. I think it circulates through our air vents or something crazy. But man...I'm so over being sick. Ugh. Thank God I haven't gotten the flu or anything (knowing my luck, that will come later). Maybe I'm allergic to the office...

Anyway, life is good...here's a list of randomness for you:

1. Church is so great. Everytime we're there, we're continually reminded of the awesomeness that is Safe Harbor. The drive is killer sometimes, though, and I'm lazy...not a good combo.
2. I watched "Rent" today...I'm so ready for the play...it's going to be so much better. April 25th, baby...
3. I actually like American Idol. I'm watching it right now.
4. Paul started school this week - he's taking online courses right now through Crown College. His first class has something to do with issues in theology or something...I don't know. He seems interested, so that's all that matters. However, I was really looking forward to us having two laptops so we wouldn't be fighting over one, but the older one died on us a month or so ago. This school thing may be great for Paul, but it may suck for me. I'm selfish.
5. I've actually thought about college a lot lately. I wonder if it's something I need to do...
6. I love to cook. I made banana bread today and it is so good. I'm pumped about it.
7. Valentine's Day is so overrated, but I find myself sad that we won't really be doing anything for it this year. I'm such a sap.
8. I want a new car so badly. And it's not going to happen.
9. I'm so ready to move, it is ridiculous. That may happen, but who knows when...
10. My parents are coming to visit on Feb 29th for the weekend. I'm ready for it. I'm just glad it worked out because otherwise, I would have had to wait until May. I think the guys from church were planning on camping that weekend, but Paul has graciously said he would hang out with my parents instead. He loves me...
11. My head feels like it weighs 80 pounds. UGH. And UGH again.

I'm going to eat more banana bread...and watch my favorite night of television - AI, House and LA Ink. Whoop whoop...

It's Sunday

and I'm at home because of my stupid stomach. Well, I guess I'm the stupid one for eating so much last night. Boo. Anyway, I know a list has been requested, but I will have to get to that later. I was reading Megan's blog and saw her link to the Rick & Bubba website. There, I found links to Rick's message at his son's funeral. Wow. Paul and I have been somewhat done with Rick & Bubba - we listened to them every morning for a while, and got to a point where we really felt like they were just about themselves and their stories, and that although they were Christians, they were so closed minded that it was hard to listen.

However. After hearing his message, my mind has been changed. Do I still think they're somewhat closed minded? Sure. But do I know for a fact that the Holy Spirit is all over them (well, at least Rick)? YES. I know that God can and will use anyone to speak his Word, but this was horrifically special. To know that God can give strength to someone who just suffered a horrendous tragedy to speak so fervently about his faith is an awesome reminder of who God is. So even though I wasn't at church this morning, I had church here on my couch - I worry so much about this life, but when you are able to put things into perspective like that, all the crap I worry about is meaningless. Once again, it's God's gentle reminder that I'm not in control, and life would suck even more on this earth if I were.

I suck at blogging

...but I ROCK at lists!

• I love Scrubs (the TV show, not the clothing option - they make me feel kinda fat and bloated). I'm sure, if you know me remotely well, you know this already. But I just want to reinterate - it's the best show ever.
• I love Christmas, even if Alabama doesn't make it feel like it. Yeah, I'm not into the whole 75 degrees things in December. And my sinuses don't like it either.
• Commericials suck.
• Work is going well - we got our Christmas bonuses (today, might I add...less than a week before Christmas...gah) (not that I want to sound spoiled), and I'm working in our card room until the end of the year. We produce cards for all of the reps in Auction ACCESS (those who buy and sell cars at car auctions...longer explanation available if you want it), and I'm the one doing it right now. It's so much better than my regular job activities, so I'm actually kinda happy at work for the time being.
• Paul is awesome - he has painted our back bedroom and put up new blinds in there. He's in the midst of painting our second bedroom right now - and he had the dishes done before I got home. He's such a hard worker - I'm super thankful for him.
• This "Clash of the Choirs" show is actually pretty cool. Except for when the soloists forget the words to extremely popular Christmas songs. HA!
• Our friends Alisa and Phil are coming to stay at our house tomorrow night! YAY!
• I get to be off of work Monday and Tuesday - PRAISE THE LORD.
• Super pumped about the Candlelight & Cookie service at church on Sunday night.
• I went home last weekend for my brother's college graduation. Quick overnights to Chicago are not so great, but it was totally worth it. It's not every day your brother graduates from college.
• Do we still have Christmas shopping to do? Yes. Is Christmas (well, when we're celebrating it on Christmas eve) less than 5 days away? Yes.

Have a fabulous Christmas, everyone! Love to all!

Hmm

Well, I have wanted to post for a while now, but I wasn't sure how to put what's going on into words. Get ready for some "real!" God has been doing some amazing things in my heart lately, and although the journey isn't over, at least I know I'm open to what He's doing. Finally. It's hard to come to certain realizations. It's hard to realize that I haven't been open to God's guidance. It's hard to realize that not only have I not been listening, I haven't wanted to. It's excrutiating to know that I've allowed my stubborn and frozen heart to affect my marriage and ministry. Paul is absolutely the best thing to ever happen to me, and I was holding undeserved resentment and anger toward him. I have relied on common sense and logic so much that I've walked away from the path that God wants for me. I've only allowed God to affect me to a certain point...only to where I was able to manage it. Have I been in leadership with all of this in my heart? Yes. And at this point, in the past, I would be spiraling downward...not able to move past the negative aspects to even see the positive side.

But I'm not spiraling. I'm moving forward. It was rough last weekend, and I know the rough points will continue, but all in all, I know that God loves me, wants the best for me, and has surrounded me with the most amazing people. For the first time in a long time, I'm starting to feel these facts move from my brain to my heart. I can preach vulnerability and "real" until I'm blue in the face, but until I start truly doing it myself, nothing I say will be effective. I'm so appreciative of have the opportunity to be so open with a few of the people around me. I can't even begin to put into words the lessons I'm finally allowing God to teach me. I can name off all of the issues I have, but what would that help? I know in my heart that I need to be content...that is my main struggle. I think this will be a learning experience for me for a long time to come, but I believe prayer works. I know that everything else will fall into place if I let God be God in my heart and to accept His teaching me to be content. Do I suck? Sure...I'm human. Will this be a continual process? YES. But I feel encouraged and hopeful. For the first time in a long time. Thank you to the select few who were not only there for me, or asked how I was doing, but for the prayers, the support, the in-your-face advice, the listening ears. Love to you.

And I'm trying to get rid of the to-do lists... :)