Things I'm currently excited about

I know, it's another list, but admit it - you love 'em!

1. Hardwood floors - In case you haven't heard our testimony from this past weekend, here you go. Paul and I went to see Rent in ATL this past weekend (and it was awesome). Well, on Saturday, we checked out of our hotel and went to Ikea (if you don't know what Ikea is, seriously, click on the link). Anyway, we found a desk. Not just a desk, but a desk connected to a cube book shelf (if you know us at all, this is awesome, and yes, it's actually more than $50.) After an almost-fiasco of loading it into the car (I ended up being chauffeured home), we decided that if we're going to actually set it up, we need to rip up the carpet in the office and lay down some (fake) hardwood laminate flooring. We run to Home Depot, pay almost $400 to re-do the floor and closet in the office, and come home. We start by clearing the room and ripping out the carpet in the closet, only to find some naaaasty, old skool laminate (we're talking dark brown with weird shapes) underneath. Of course, we're thinking, "This is going to be greeeaat..." We start pulling the rest of the carpet only to find - YES - the ORIGINAL hardwood floors!! Boo! Yah! Our house was built in 1948, so we seriously thought there would be plywood or something under there because we never pulled up more than a little corner of this carpet. But wait...there's more. We start pulling the carpet out of the hallway - and yes, they're there too. THEN we pull up a full corner in the last bedroom, and yes, there too! WOO-HOO!! A) This will save us a ton of money; B) we are going to try to use this as a ministry opportunity with our neighbor; C) this will add a TON of value to the house. It's going to be a lot of work, and my house is insane right now, but it will be totally worth it.
2. Organization - Because of #1, my house is, as I said, insane right now. All of the stuff from that bedroom is strewn about the rest of the house. However, I am turning this into a positive by making it a HUGE organization project. We are planning on doing a yard sale, so some of the stuff will go to that. We also donate stuff to one of our local thrift stores, so they'll be getting some good stuff. I have a ton of ideas as to what to do with the rest of it - scrap books, picture frames, storage in the attic (ha), etc. It's gonna be great.
3. Counseling (I officially started with a counselor today, not the psychiatrist) - It was great. The woman I'm working with is going to be really good for me.
4. Bible study - I believe Maxwell is talking about healing this Thursday. It's one of those subjects close to my heart because of things God has healed me from. I'm just glad I'm involved with this particular group - we all want to go deeper, and we're real with each other. That's how Bible study is supposed to be! Even if we move to talking about how bad the Emergent church is (hehehe...)
5. Derek Webb & Sandra McCracken THIS SUNDAY NIGHT - Workplay, 8:00pm, be there or be square. If you've ever talked to Paul or me, you've heard a Derek Webb quote. He's just that good.
6. Girl's Night - May 10, The Barn, 6:00pm. Need I say more??
7. My brother's wedding - Yes, I have had a panic attack about the bridesmaid's dress I have to wear, but I'm still pumped about my brother getting married. His future wifey, Kari, is one of my favorite people ever, and I'm so excited that she's going to "officially" be part of the family (they've been dating for like, 10 years (read 4) so she's already a part of the family). Plus, as an added bonus, I'll be away from work for a couple days. YESSS.

I guess I'll stop at 7. :) What are you excited about right now?

Lists, Lists, Lists

I haven't done a random list in a while, so enjoy:

*We took Erik Pasco to see Switchfoot yesterday in Hunts-vegas, and I must say, it has to be the best rock show I've been to...maybe over all. I've seen a lot of shows, but this was high energy, meaningful, honest and sooo good. It definitely confirmed my love for the band. AND I got to hear Jamie (the founder of TWLOHA) speak before Switchfoot performed. Yeah...I cried. I can't help it - when people I don't know speak my heart, it moves me.

*I love our church. I know I've said this a billion-trillion times, but we (Paul & I) have recently had a resurgence of love for our little part in God's family. Sigh.

*I get to see DW and his wife-y on May 4th @ Workplay. Want to come??

*I worked 8 hours of overtime last week. It was tough, but worth it. I even came in on Saturday! It was actually the most fun I've ever had at this job...like THAT is hard to believe.

*WE GET TO SEE RENT THIS WEEKEND!!!! YAY!!!! AND I get to leave work early on Friday to go to Atlanta. Boo. Yah.

*I decided to go back on Weight Watchers last week. I basically had an emotional breakdown about the bridesmaid's dress I have to wear in May for my brother's wedding, so I made the decision. It's been good, and I lost three pounds last week. :)

*Paul is itching to do landscaping for the house. We've had so much to do on the weekends, and we'll finally have some time in May. He's uber-excited. He even drew up some "plans" today, and wrote down some places we need to check out. He's a nerd.

*I finally got a Gmail email address. It's ok.

*Special K2O Protein Water is really good, and the whole bottle (16 oz) is free in points! It's definitely a good find.

*I hate my cell phone. It likes to turn off randomly, even if the battery is fully charged. I'm awaiting my upgrade...c'mon July! I think I might put a bit of extra $$ into it to get something good...we'll see.

*For those of you who pray, please send up some love for me about my job. I'm praying about some decisions, and I really want God's guidance on it. Gracias!

*I want to buy this t-shirt, but I'm really battling paying $20 for it. I keep asking myself if it's worth it, and everything in me screams, "YES!" But I dunno.

*My tattoo addiction is kicking in...it's been a couple months...

*Girl's Night - MAY 10! :)

Ok, I guess that's enough for now. More later...

My story

So, I have been thoroughly inspired to write out my salvation story by reading the amazing posts on the blogs of Meg & Rachel. Here goes:

I was raised in a Lutheran church with an unsaved mom who had been through hell and back. She lost her first husband (my dad) when I was four and my brother was two. She was in her 20's, my dad had handled just about everything at home, and his death was ridiculously sudden (he had a massive heartattack on the angiogram (sp?) table. Yeah, that's the test they do to check your heart. As an aside, it was the first and only patient my doctor ever lost. My dad was only 29). I'm sure she felt hopeless. At that point, the Church took care of my mom (even though salvation was never something talked about, let alone accepted openly). It was just God's unseen hand in our lives.

When I was 5, my mom married our mailman. Yes, that's the humor in the story. He had a son from a previous marriage, so I now had two brothers. Mom and the Mailman had another kid, so now, I had three brothers. It was an interesting life. I was still pretty much completely unaware of God, until I turned 10, and my parents got a divorce. To be honest, I wasn't really surprised - I was almost relieved. They didn't have a healthy marriage - it was obvious - but it was still really hard for all of us. We (my mom, me, and two brothers) moved out of the house we had all lived in, and I started counseling. I know that seems random, but it's a very key part to my life, as God revealed to me later.

It was after the divorce that everything changed. When I was in 6th grade, my mom got saved. Not from a service, or being called to an altar, but in her bedroom after hitting me for the last time. My mom wasn't abusive, but when she was angry, it was easy for her to give into her anger, and at that time, she was very heavily under conviction - God was calling her to himself, and she was resisting. When she gave her life to Jesus, it was a complete 180 - she was a totally different person. It was hard to see without being judgemental, and trust me, plenty of people (including family) were very judgemental. I started attending a Christian summer camp that summer, and I cried a lot. I knew things were off, but I didn't really know what to do about them. I guess I technically got saved that summer, but it was just the beginning of a long, excrutiating roller coaster ride. My mom got married for the third time to my now-stepdad when I was 13. It was a tough time for me, not because of a new dad, but because I felt like my mom was being too dependant, and at 13, that wasn't a cool thing for me to see. I rebelled a lot.

In high school, I had random experiences with God. Looking back now, I could see his hand working all things together, but at the time, I was way too self-absorbed to see anything. I went through multiple stages (as most teenagers do), and in my senior year, I got to my lowest point. I was at the point where I didn't care anymore. I had lived this double lifestyle for so long - to some, I was a great Christian and leader, and to others, I was just another girl who struggled with life and who didn't have the answers. It was paradoxical because I knew who God was, I believed in Jesus and everything he did, but my life showed none of that. Satan took whatever ground I would give him, and I gave him a lot. I won't go into detail, but if you would like to know, please ask. Anyway...it came to the second semester of my senior year, and I was even planning on going to a Christian college. I had all the plans together - what my major was going to be, where I was going to live, etc. I was sitting in my bedroom, thinking about everything that was going on in my life, and a song came on my stereo - "Why" by Nichole Nordeman. It's a secret song on one of her CDs, and it talks about the crucifixtion from different points of view - from a little girl, from Jesus and from God. The song is amazingly written, and by the end, I was curled up on my floor, balling my eyes out. It was the first time I really and truly understood that it was MY sin that nailed Jesus to the cross, and it was only HIS love that could save me. I (finally) gave up my struggle and let Jesus in.

Over the last 6 years, I have been through a LOT. I went through periods where I felt like God was nowhere near me. I went through times where I literally could feel God's presence right next to me. There have been PLENTY of ups and downs. My last post was a specific experience I had with the Holy Spirit, but he has been right there the whole time. God brought me to Alabama, gave me Paul, and allows me to help bring community to one of the best churches in the area - Safe Harbor. I could cry right now just thinking about where God has taken me from, and where He'll take me to. He's an awesome God to serve, love, and share with others. I'm so thankful that He chose me - a prideful, lustful, angry girl - to be made whole by HIS love and grace.

My life verse is Philippians 4:13 (it's one of my tattoos) - "I can do ALL things through CHRIST who strengthens me." I pray that God makes real to whoever reads this what His strength truly is. :)

P.S. I'm uber-pumped about girl's night. Yay!!

Holy Spirit Power

Luke posted a blog about the Holy Spirit today on the website, and it got me thinking about the Holy Spirit. Duh. Anyway, I think most people raised in traditional (i.e. non-pentecostal) church have a skewed view about the Holy Spirit. I know I did. I was raised Lutheran until I was 18, and the HS wasn't talked about much. I was aware that he was the third party in the Trinity, but I didn't understand the Trinity. I knew that the book of Acts talked about him - the day of Pentecost, specifically - but I didn't understand Pentecost. No one ever told me that I could have the HS within me, as part of my heart. It wasn't until I joined Master's Commission that I realized how important and wonderful and powerful the person of the Holy Spirit is. Of course, I was surrounded by the weirdos - people doing idiotic things in the name of the HS, so it was easy for me to be skeptical. However, once I experienced him for myself, everything became more clear. I had an amazing experience during my first year of MC called the baptism of the Holy Spirit. Now, this is doctrinal, but the AoG (Assembly of God denomination) believes that this baptism is separate from salvation, and that speaking in tongues is the first initial evidence of the baptism. This is where people get lost, and understandably so. A friend of mine got pretty defensive in talking about this because she was taught that when you accept Christ into your heart, you are filled with his Spirit. She didn't understand (and was rudely treated because of her ignorance) what this separate experience was all about.

As far as my opinion is concerned, I do not believe you have to experience this baptism to be saved. I do not believe you have to speak in tongues to go to heaven. I do not believe that every believer is to receive this baptism. For me, I can only base my beliefs on what I read in the Word and what I have experienced personally. There are numerous examples within the New Testament where the Holy Spirit's ministry is specifically mentioned - day of Pentecost, Peter @ Cornelius' house, Paul's conversion, etc. I say the HS's 'ministry' because he was sent after Jesus ascended to be with us, as a person, a guide, a comforter. He made himself real to me. The experience I had during my first year was in the midst of true believers praying over me, laying hands on me, etc. I'll be honest, it was weird - I was not used to this kind of outpouring of love or concern. But I felt like things were being lifted off of me - things I had held onto for so long. I was giving up control and giving in to the Holy Spirit - the one who had tried to guide me since my salvation. It was as if God was saying, "It's TIME!" I spoke in tongues that first time, but not really out loud for anyone to hear me. It wasn't until that next weekend that I really let loose and began speaking in my new prayer language. I KNOW that sounds crazy, but I promise you - it was (and still is) one of the most awesome parts of my faith - when I pray in tongues, I know God is not only hearing me, but the HS is praying through me! How awesome is that?! There are so many times where I don't have the words to pray for something or someone, but I know it's on my heart. That's when the HS takes over. It's not like he's going to make you do something you shouldn't, or make you look like a fool - but maybe, just maybe, he's trying to gently persuade you to give up control.

I had an awesome experience with God yesterday - repentance is hard, and it hurt a lot, but I knew it needed to happen. One of the best parts about it was that I wailed in tongues - it was as if the HS knew I couldn't pray for myself because I felt so worthless, so dirty in God's sight. This experience has refreshed me and has reminded me of the power I have through the HS. I need his presence. I need his guidance. Jesus did everything for me, including sending the HS down to me and to you. I just felt like I needed to share with those few who read this. ;)

Questions on Prayer

Paul posted some questions on Safe Harbor's website, so I'm bringing them here to answer them. Enjoy.

Discuss prayer in the following ways:

How does it affect you personally and/or practically?
Prayer is something I took for granted growing up. I seriously thought that unless my prayers were eloquent enough, or meaningful enough, then God wouldn't hear them or answer them. I even said "excuse me" if a coughed or sneezed during my prayers. What a weirdo! But after I got saved, I realized that it's more of a conversation between me and God...one I don't take advantage of enough. It's so easy to bring our petitions to God, but not so easy to just worship him for who he is through prayer. I can sing to him all day long, but worshipping him through prayer is different. Practically, it's easy for me to (in my mind) say a prayer and then check "pray" off my proverbial list. It's a control thing for me - I don't want to have to pray about things because I believe I can handle it.

What is it?
Like I said, a conversation - it doesn't have to be formalized or memorized, although those types of prayer aren't bad. Either way, it needs to be from the heart.

How do you pray spiritually? (I ask this because not everything of our faith is practical)
Well, if by spiritually, you mean like, in worship rather than asking God for things, see answer to #1.

What does scripture say about it and what examples are seen in scripture?
Anytime I think about prayer in scripture, I always think about the ways Jesus mentions in the Gospels. I think about how even He needed to take time away by himself to pray. I think about the prayers of the pharisee vs. the prayers of the humbled sinner. I think about the women with the issue of blood - she had all of her prayers answered with one touch. I guess I connect prayer in scripture with faith - it's better to pray about something when you have faith that God will do it.

Could our approach to it be all wrong? (un-answered prayer)
I know my approach is wrong at times. It's so easy to fall into this step-by-step mentality about prayer - a checklist, like I said before. I know I should pray for my family, my church, my friends, my needs, my faith, etc. But then it's just my, my, my...I guess we should allow God some room to speak in our prayers, and to put specific things on our hearts to pray about. Paul and I were discussing this as he was preparing to post these questions, and I know I don't allow God any space in my prayer life (or lack thereof) to speak to me...to commune with me...to conversate with me. Unanswered prayer is so frustrating, but I so easily forget that sometimes, I'm not dealing with unanswered prayer - I'm dealing with God answering my prayers in a different way than what I'm expecting. We need to remember that when God answers, it's rarely in the way we think we need him to.

Sometimes I hate being married to Paul because if something is on his heart or is affecting him, it begins to affect me, even if I don't want it to. ;)