and once again, I'm at home. I'm telling you - this sickness will be the death of me. Thanks be to God, I am feeling better. But the medicine that the doctor put me on (after sitting at the clinic for 3.5 hours) makes my head feel like it weighs 80 pounds and like I'm drunk. Hence, no driving. I feel like my supervisors think I'm a wuss, but I really don't care. I just know that if I went in, I'd end up leaving again because I wouldn't be able to focus on my computer screen. Plus, the headache is still there...it's the same one...just likes to come and go whenever it feels like it. The doctor was good, though...very thorough. He's new to me, but is the doctor for almost everyone in Paul's family, so I figured he was a good choice. He's also pretty up-to-date on new medicines and procedures, including heart-related stuff, which I need. It all worked out and my mom is now freaking out a bit less. Ah, mothers...they're crazy!
I feel like I need to be more productive in life, but I just don't care. I guess my laziness gets the better of me, and I don't want to change. I'm in this weird place in life...expecting God to move and do more in our lives, and yet, straying away from it because part of me doesn't want to change. Paul and I try to plan our lives so that no matter what we decide, God ultimately has the control and can change anything at any time. I like living my life that way, but my selfish, sinful nature takes me away from that a lot. I was trying to explain the CONSTANT battle that goes on in my head/heart to my mom yesterday - not the best idea. But it was good because I was really honest with her. Let me explain: a lot of times, when I'm talking to her about life here, Paul, his family, work, etc., it almost seems as if she sides with all things Alabama rather than really seeing my side of the story. And that pisses me off to high heaven. So I told her that yesterday - and she was (somewhat) understanding. I told her that sometimes, I just need her to be on my side and not anyone else's. (Once again, I guess that's selfish). And she said that I already have her on my side, and that she just tries to make me think along other lines. I told her that I'm ridiculously anal retentive about seeing things from all angles - that's what makes me so incomparably self-aware. Because it's true - whenever a thought enters my mind or a decision presents itself, I am constantly trying to see it from any and all angles. To a fault. But I guess I'd rather fault on that side than on the side of inconsistency and pure indulgence. Eh...who knows.
So now I have to turn the computer off because it's hurting my head. Like whoa.
7 comments:
i really hope you feel better soon. because i need for you to feel better.
and let me just say that i love you. a lot.
do you want to have a codeword that means that what we're about to tell each other is such that no matter what it is, we have to agree about it? at least for right then, and maybe later we can talk again and disagree (*snort* like that will EVER happen...)
I missed you too... and small group was so serious. I mean, in some ways that's good, I guess, but... I was not in the mood for heavy seriousness. It caught me off of my guard, for reals.
PS - are you going to remember to pray for me tomorrow night? because I need you to remember to pray for me tomorrow night.
It caught me off guard, too. Hmmm. Well, I hope you're feeling better Lynn! It's been too long since we had lunch!
Praying for you girl! Life just seems like to much sometimes, I know it does for me. Hang on, HE will move even if you don't.
Love ya much,
Jen
Go see my blog because I tagged you for a survey. So you have to do it. Because I said so.
I hope that you feel better SOON!!!
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