Metamorpha Questions

Our new sermon series is called Metamorpha - it's all about the change we have to go through in our Christian walk. Paul is preaching 3/4 of the series, so I feel pressured, er, I mean, encouraged to blog about what's going on. (Lol...jk). He posted some questions on Safe Harbor's website, and asked those of us who have a personal blog to answer them. So here goes:

1) Looking back on your life, specifically after salvation, try to recall times where you realized or came to understand something about God that you misunderstood before (i.e. a time when you got a revelation about grace v/s works or about God’s unconditional love for you etc.). Now that you have that thought in your mind, write about it and tell how you came to realize the truth that you misunderstood before (that was when you threw down an altar).

The first real revelation I received about who God is was during my first year in Master's Commission. He revealed himself to me as Father. I had three dads growing up, so this was the initial area God had to break down for me - I was too used to seeing him as legalistic, angry and ready to get me.

2) How did you feel when you finally accepted the true image of God in that area of your life?

I felt more grace than I ever had before.

3) Is there a way that you see God, yourself, your role in His kingdom, etc. that you think God is trying to reveal truth to you in now? What is it? What do you think would help you get the courage to continue to tear that down?

Well, my view of myself is pretty messed up. So that affects everything else - my view of God, of his Church, etc. I'm actually starting counseling in a week for it, so I'm praying that God will use that to really dismantle my thought process about myself, and then I'll be able to see more clearly my place in the Kingdom.

4) Take some time to really be honest with yourself and answer the following question. What do you believe about God that you’re scared to admit to someone?

Sometimes it's really hard for me to believe in heaven. I know what I've been taught, and I know what the word says about our goal after this life, but I struggle with knowing for sure if it's all real or not.

A lot going on

Here's a new list, in no particular order:

• So, falling off a treadmill is not a fun experience, and yet, it's as if I had to go through this at least one time. Let's hope I don't have to go through it again. I find that talking about it makes it seem less embarrasing. Friday was not a good day. I rolled my ankle pretty badly, but it has since healed almost 100%, and I plan to hit the gym tomorrow morning. We'll see.
• The time change has kicked my tail this year...I don't really know why, but it has. Ugh.
• Paul has so much going on right now with school and the upcoming sermon series (which starts on Easter). He's kinda stressing out, which has the probability of stressing me out, and I don't really want that to happen. I need to remember to breathe...
• Speaking of breathing (out, specifically), I'm going to attempt to schedule an appointment with a counselor this week. This is something I've been praying/thinking about for a long time, and because I'm realizing what some of my triggers for anger and stress are, I'm also realizing that talking them out with someone who doesn't know me would really help me. I have a heart for counseling anyway, so I need to start practicing what I preach. What's more, it's paid for completely by the insurance from my job. There really isn't a reason to not go...oh, except for the fact that I feel like I should have my life together. But you know.
• We had a lot of good conversations this past weekend...both serious and not-so-serious. It was so good.
• Church was AWESOME yesterday. The Holy Spirit is really moving, and Nooma has been so enlightening for me. My prayer is that all of it will stick.
• I miss my brothers.
• Speaking of brothers, one of mine is getting married in 11 weeks. It seems like a lot, but it will fly by, and I have a bridesmaid's dress to fit into. Good times.
• Speaking of weddings, we are attending one the first weekend in April, in which I have to wear a bridesmaid's dress. Also good times.
• Did I mention I have to lose weight for both of these dresses? Not a lot for the one in April, but more for the one in May. Maybe I'm giving myself a complex.

Well, there's more going on in my head, but I don't feel like posting about it. Sigh.

I'm de-stressing

and it feels good. I'm really trying to work on this part of my life. I was reminded this past weekend that the only thing I have control over in life is my reaction (or response, whichever). And it really hit me. I need to remember that no matter what people do, how stupid, self-absorbed or f-ing crazy they are, I cannot control them. I can only control who I am and how I react to them. The worst part about this is traffic and stupid drivers - it's very easy for me to get stressed out about the fact that people are freaking idiots and think that driving 30 mph in the fast lane is ok. Sigh. But for the most part, the de-stressing has worked this week, and the new schedule has helped. I've gotten more sleep, I actually got up and went to the gym this morning, and I just feel better about life. It's funny how a small change like that can affect you. :) I still have the contentment thing to work on...but that's a more in-depth process. Right?

Now, if only losing weight was as easy...

Happy March!

So, it's March 1st. Yippee. :)

My parents arrived safely last night around 10:00pm, and we stayed up until after midnight. Needless to say, they were not ready for that, and we were up before they were this morning. Paul hurt his neck/back while working out yesterday, so there was some shifting and changing while trying to sleep last night, so although I'm feeling ok right now, I know I'm going to be sleepy later...oh well.

Our morning has been...interesting. Sometimes, my mom can stress me out because she interrupts when anyone is trying to talk, but my dad nipped that numerous times this morning (which just made me chuckle). We talked about so many things this morning - from moving, to kids, to my mom's pot use back in the day, to drinking, to my brother(s), to postmodernism, and ending on (Paul & Dad) talking about metaphysics. WHOA. Now, I'm sitting on my couch by myself for a minute, Mom is working on her Bible study (and possibly falling asleep) and Paul and Dad are on their way to get some lunch (late, yes). I'm making dinner tonight and Mike & Chris (goodfriends/neighbors) are coming to join us.

I think there were a few conclusions made this morning:

1. I think we are leaning towards not moving. This is somewhat disappointing, but as we went through the pros and cons (thanks to Dad), it just seems better for us at this time. It will be smarter financially and although it doesn't seem like it right at this moment, it will help us in moving forward to wherever God may want to take us. This, along with any other decision, is in God's hands, and He can change it when/if He wants.

2. My mom had three really good pregnancies. This makes me even more excited about having kids. I know my mom and I are two different people, but I'm praying that a lot of the aspects of her pregnancies flow right down to me (i.e. not being sick at all - except for the first month or so with me, and that was only because she ate huge breakfasts).

3. I'm convinced that I'm already my mom. Sigh. I figured it would take longer than this, but I was wrong. It's not a bad thing, and we are different in a lot of ways, but as far as the basics, we are the same.

4. I need to lose weight. (Ok, this isn't necessarily from this morning, but it's been heavy on me for a couple days now.)

I'm sure there's more, but I can't think anymore right now. One update is that I'm changing shifts at work - to 9-6. This will hopefully reduce my stress (more sleep and time in the morning to work out), and I'm always in need of a change. Just pray that I don't kill the aforementioned co-worker - we will now be on the same shift. However, my team leader and I talked about it yesterday, and we plan on talking to our supervisor about possibly having him moved. I realized that he's a trigger for my stress, and although I know I need to handle it better, I still don't need that kind of influence during a work day where I already hate my job. Okay.

Have a great Saturday everyone...er, what's left of it. ;)

I've been tagged

HERE'S HOW YOU PLAY. ONCE YOU'VE BEEN TAGGED YOU HAVE TO WRITE A BLOG OF TEN WEIRD, RANDOM THINGS, FACTS OR HABITS ABOUT YOURSELF. AT THE END, YOU CHOOSE TEN PEOPLE TO BE TAGGED, LISTING THEIR NAMES AND WHY YOU CHOSE THEM TO BE TAGGED. DON'T FORGET TO LEAVE THEM A COMMENT "YOU'RE IT" AND TO READ YOUR BLOG. YOU CAN'T TAG THE PERSON WHO TAGGED YOU. SINCE YOU CAN'T TAG THAT PERSON BACK, LET HIM OR HER KNOW WHEN YOU'VE POSTED YOUR BLOG SO HE OR SHE CAN READ YOUR ANSWERS.

(Although I'm not tagging 10 people because I don't have ten people to tag. Megan took them all.)

1. I have a true passion for pizza. I promise, I could eat it every day for both lunch and dinner (I'm not a cold pizza person, or I would add breakfast to that list).

2. My car has swinging vents in it - gotta love a Mazda. It's what sold me on the car. Seriously.

3. I bite my nails a lot, and it's not a nervous habit (much to my mother's chagrin).

4. My first job was at a thrift store in a ghetto suburb where the women who bought things (after bargaining with me to lower the price on a $.25 item) took the money out of their bras. I was 15.

5. I need a haircut. And Shana thinks I'm OCD over my hair. (I guess that's two, but whatever.)

6. I hate surprises. (This is dangerous to post, but I'm running low on random right now.)

7. Sunset roses are one of my favorite flowers, but I'm too cheap to ever buy them.

8. My step-dad is 7 years (or 8, depending on the time of year) younger than my mom. But you would never believe it. Ever. There's a few running jokes about it - "Hey Lori (my mom), when Dan (my step-dad) was graduating from junior high, you were pregnant with Lynn! HA!" Yeah, it's weird.

9. I collect snowmen.

10. Philippians is probably my favorite book of the Bible.

I'm tagging Becky (because I want to know more about her), Shane (because he'll hopefully have interesting answers), Sam (because I'm pretty sure she'll do it), Jen (although I think she's done this recently - and because I LOVE her randomness), and Marie (because I should know some random stuff about her before she moves back down here to the Ham).

It's 8:38am

and once again, I'm at home. I'm telling you - this sickness will be the death of me. Thanks be to God, I am feeling better. But the medicine that the doctor put me on (after sitting at the clinic for 3.5 hours) makes my head feel like it weighs 80 pounds and like I'm drunk. Hence, no driving. I feel like my supervisors think I'm a wuss, but I really don't care. I just know that if I went in, I'd end up leaving again because I wouldn't be able to focus on my computer screen. Plus, the headache is still there...it's the same one...just likes to come and go whenever it feels like it. The doctor was good, though...very thorough. He's new to me, but is the doctor for almost everyone in Paul's family, so I figured he was a good choice. He's also pretty up-to-date on new medicines and procedures, including heart-related stuff, which I need. It all worked out and my mom is now freaking out a bit less. Ah, mothers...they're crazy!

I feel like I need to be more productive in life, but I just don't care. I guess my laziness gets the better of me, and I don't want to change. I'm in this weird place in life...expecting God to move and do more in our lives, and yet, straying away from it because part of me doesn't want to change. Paul and I try to plan our lives so that no matter what we decide, God ultimately has the control and can change anything at any time. I like living my life that way, but my selfish, sinful nature takes me away from that a lot. I was trying to explain the CONSTANT battle that goes on in my head/heart to my mom yesterday - not the best idea. But it was good because I was really honest with her. Let me explain: a lot of times, when I'm talking to her about life here, Paul, his family, work, etc., it almost seems as if she sides with all things Alabama rather than really seeing my side of the story. And that pisses me off to high heaven. So I told her that yesterday - and she was (somewhat) understanding. I told her that sometimes, I just need her to be on my side and not anyone else's. (Once again, I guess that's selfish). And she said that I already have her on my side, and that she just tries to make me think along other lines. I told her that I'm ridiculously anal retentive about seeing things from all angles - that's what makes me so incomparably self-aware. Because it's true - whenever a thought enters my mind or a decision presents itself, I am constantly trying to see it from any and all angles. To a fault. But I guess I'd rather fault on that side than on the side of inconsistency and pure indulgence. Eh...who knows.

So now I have to turn the computer off because it's hurting my head. Like whoa.

It's 10:19pm

and I'm still awake and not feeling good. As I told Paul, I'm teetering between feeling really shitty and feeling fine, and that sucks. I left work around 2:00 today because my temperature was slowly rising and I had one of those kinds of headaches that felt as if my head was going to split wide open and my brain was going to fall out and make a huge, bloody mess. Sorry for the graphic-ness, but that's how it felt. And four Advil didn't help all that much - I still had to sleep for 3 hours when I got home to get it to remotely go away. I then had an awesome conversation with my brother - it lasted over an hour, and in case you were wondering, yes, we're both big talkers. Lol...

Paul went to prayer tonight, and just got home. I watched "The Jane Austen Book Club" and it was great. I'm hopefully going to the doctor tomorrow to see what's going on. And now, I'm still tired. Just as a note, my birthday sucked for the most part (for those of you who didn't know, it was yesterday). It was an emotional weekend to begin with (I was severely missing my family) and although church was great, the rest of the day was...not so great. I don't like making a big deal of birthdays at all, but the emotionalism of the weekend just ruined it for me. I got to see "27 Dresses" on Saturday, and that was good. Paul is an awesome husband, and tries really hard to empathize with me about being so far from home, and I was stupid and we fought about it. We're fine now, but it just messed things up yesterday. Oh, and his family is a bit crazy. So yeah...my faith in birthdays is diminishing rapidly. I guess that's what happens when you get older...

OK, my bed is calling. Love to all...