Happy Halloween!

Yaaaar Matey! A'hoy!!!

How do I...

concentrate? One of my aunts (who is technically my second cousin, but we all call her our aunt) died yesterday from cancer. Paul and I will be flying up to Chicago tomorrow at some point for the services. There are just so many thoughts running through my head right now...not just about that, but about life in general, or the lack thereof. Geez...I can be ridiculously selfish sometimes. And I take life and everything I have for granted so often. And her death hasn't even really hit me yet. I guess because it happened so fast - within 6 months - that I can't truly fathom that she's gone.

The other big thing that I'm dealing with is my physical health. I don't know what's wrong, and it really could be nothing at all, but I have a lot of symptoms that I'm just not ok with. Symptoms including (but not limited to): major fatigue, heart palpatations (if that's what you could call it), soreness in a few different places, etc. Needless to say, I need to go see my doctor. Hopefully that will happen later this week when we get back from Chi-town. I hate cliches, but the one that says "when it rains, it pours" is and has always been pretty much true for me. Also, money is way sparce at the moment. I hate being sick, which I have been a lot lately, especially because if I have to take time off of work, it's without pay currently, so I've pretty much screwed us over for the next month and a half. Awesome. Right before Christmas.

This may sound silly, but it all makes me think about Luke's sermon from yesterday - if you didn't get to hear it, you need to. It stepped on my toes a little, but mostly, it was a pleading challenge to my heart...when will you have faith? When will you trust that I (God) am in control, whether you want me to be or not? When will you understand that your faith should be uncontrollable (in a good way)? When will you act out of bravado and not self-absorbtion? I know I'm hard on myself A LOT. It's a natural reaction for me. But this isn't that - it's more of a cry from God's heart to mine. And man, I am not dealing with it well. Not well at all.

However.

I'm going to focus on being thankful for a moment, so indulge me.

• I'm thankful for causal day at work today and tomorrow (if I'm here). Especially because I am in a bright green hoodie today, which makes me happy.
• I'm so ridiculously thankful for my husband. He makes every day worth it.
• My gratitude for the friendships I have around me is unexplainable. I never thought we'd be surrounded by so many amazing friends.
• Even though the reason is sad, I'm glad I get to see all of my family this week.
• I'm thankful that even though money is tight, we can trust a God who has already proven his faithfulness time and time again.
• I'm thankful for the roof over my head, the car(s) I'm able to drive, a job that pays me, a family that loves me, friends who know me and love me anyway, and a faith in a God who will keep me afloat.

Now, if I could just focus on work...

4 pounds and counting!

WOO-HOO!!! So I'm pretty amazed at the whole Atkins thing. I've heard that this is pretty much how it works for most people, but to me, this is great. It's been a week, and I've lost a little over 4 pounds (I say a little over because I didn't weigh myself this morning, but I know I lost at least a few more ounces...)! It does suck pretty badly - I can't tell you how many times I've said out loud how much I want a piece of (or a whole) cake to whoever will listen. But so far, I've survived watching people at work eat stuff in front of me (i.e. fried chicken, shells and cheese, mashed potatoes, chicken cordon bleu (sp?), etc...and that's just one person...), and I told Paul that I wasn't going to punish him by making him eat only what I eat - he needs the carbs with as much physical work as he does. So he had pizza rolls and a PB&J for dinner last night. Which I didn't have to make for him - he's such a big boy! ;) I guess that's one plus - making dinner is not as involved as it was before - grilling a steak, throwing a salad together, steaming veggies in my wonderful PC (Pampered Chef) steamer, baking chicken...super easy. It's the carbs that are a bit more complicated - casseroles (which aren't hard, but can be time consuming), rice (I've always sucked at making rice), pasta (also not hard, unless you're doing something fun with it...and I have to do something fun with it), etc. I have had to take some Benefiber with this diet, though, because of all the cheese. LOL. And I've tried some of the Atkins stuff - their shakes and snack bars. I've been pretty surprised, actually...they're not the best tasting things in the whole world, but better than a lot of things I've tried.

The things I miss the absolute most right now are pasta and ice cream. I bought some low carb pasta sauce and the Smart Taste pasta from Ronzoni to try after the Induction phase is over. I just have to remember portion control. I'm going to start walking with one of my BFF's tomorrow (hopefully), and I'm actually semi-excited about it. I'm finally doing something just for me, and I think that's helping me to stay motivated.

Other than dieting, life is good! We had a great weekend - we hung out with wonderfully good friends, bought a new washer and dryer (which are amazing - you should come over and try them), had a great service on Sunday, and have plans for more awesome things this week. You know...God is so good. Even when we're in this stage of "growing up" and discipline, He brings joy in so many randomly beautiful ways. I just hope I can keep up the positivity.

A new blog! Whoa!

I know, I know. It's bad. I am almost on the same plane as others who have thought about giving up their blogs. It's time consuming, but I think I should keep it for now. Anyway...

Here's an update:

• We preached a youth retreat this past weekend for the Southern District of the C&MA. It was awesome! I think better than we had originally thought it would go. Paul and I both shared throughout the weekend, and got to really reach out to these kids. There were a bunch of leaders too, and we got to have some awesome convos. We definitely aren't called to youth ministry, but this is definitely the type of thing we would be up for again. Erik did an awesome job planning it, and Luke was such an awesome support for us. Smiles all around.
• I started Atkins yesterday. It's going to be hard, but I'm finally doing something for me, and not for anyone else. We'll see how it goes. I'm not going hardcore with it, but definitely trying to cut down on my carb levels. It's gotten out of control. I made omelets tonight that about rocked my face off. It's definitely gotten me back into cooking, which is awesome.
• I heart Christian Bale. Sorry, we're watching Batman Begins.
• I am loathing laundry right now. I'm usually totally ok with doing it, but I'm not a fan this week.
• Can you believe it's already October 7th? Geeeez.
• So I stopped counseling and the behavior meds I was on. I sincerely feel like God used them for a time, and made sure I knew when that time was up. It's actually a really peaceful thing. Paul and I both feel like God has been telling us that it's time to grow up lately...not necessarily in specific areas, but in general. For me, it's more of letting go of my selfishness, and for Paul, it's more of letting go of insecurity. We're looking forward to the future, but we're not so super focused on it now. We're trying to make decisions using wisdom...decision that will affect our future, whether short term or long term. It's kinda exciting.
• One of those decisions is to get a dog in the not-so-distant-future. No, we're not using it as practice for a kid. The Benz's may have influenced us a tad, though... ;)
• I'm so pumped about what God is doing around us right now. New things going on at church, new relationships being built, new gifts being searched out, new peace about the crappy things in life (aka my job), etc. God is soooo good, dude!

Yay for a blog! YAAAAY!