God's will

Ever wonder about God's will? I do. A lot. Especially when I'm crying out, or screaming in anger, or weeping for someone else...when I'm emotionally involved in life, and I don't know why in the world certain things happen. I question it all the time. Maybe that makes me unfaithful, but I believe God is ok with our doubts - the Truth isn't scared, ya know? I just know that right now, in my heart of hearts, the only thing I want in this life is God's will for it. Now, this causes me to fear what may come because sometimes, I suck at making decisions, and I fail those I love. This causes me to worry because I'm human, and that's the one area where God doesn't have full control. This causes me to be (minimally) excited because I know there is a prospect (or there are prospects) of change and new and different in the future. I read something today about taking risks. The author spoke of the parable of the talents mentioned in Matthew 25:14-28 and how the third, wicked servant was treated. He buried his talent instead of taking a risk, and he was thrown out of his master's house into darkness. The author than expounded to say that we are like the wicked servant if we're not using the talents God gave us, etc. Now, I know that's a bit of an extreme, but that's exactly how I've been feeling lately. It's so hard for me to think about the possibility of never using my true talents in my job...and yet, here I stand.

God, I want YOUR will, not mine. I believe, but help my unbelief. I need you...