Ok, so the title doesn't have anything really to do with the post, but Paul is watching the now infamous clip from Mark Driscoll's church, and it got me thinking about it. Blah. And he has a mullet. Geez...I'm glad my community of believers agree that our Christianity isn't easy and won't be. Ever. Thank God for that.
Anyway, life is still pretty busy. Work is slowly (read: like molasses) getting better. There are plans in the works right now to completely update our work area, and I have the possibility of receiving two more raises before the end of the year. I have to remember that this is where God wants me right now, even when I think it sucks, and I need to be thankful that I have a job that pays our bills. It's not all about me, dang it. Help me, Lord...
God has really been dealing with my heart lately. On one hand, it sucks really bad because it hurts - it's like surgery. On the other hand, though, I'm finally feeling like a Christian again - I feel like loving Jesus again. I struggle A LOT with being dependant on my feelings - I have to have something tangible in order to know it or believe it. And God showed me that because this is my mentality so often, I single-handedly deem my faith null and void. Faith isn't something tangible...that's hard, but it's truth. As much as I want to totally depend on Paul as my provider, my help, my confidant...that's not faith. As much as I think I want to control my life, my job, my family, my decisions, my hopes, my dreams...that's NOT faith. I am like the sick man who didn't ask, but told Jesus to help his unbelief. But like we talked about at small group last night, I'm also like the woman with the issue of blood - I've been called out, set free, and am in the process of being healed. It will not be finished while we're here on earth...
My mind keeps screaming, "Why is giving up control so damn hard?!" But I found a pinch of comfort in one set of verses we read last night within our lesson for small group - 1 Peter 5. It talks about humbling ourselves under God's mighty hand, and in due time, He will lift us up. We can cast our cares on him because he cares for us. I've heard this verse a billion times, but I never thought about why one verse was purposely written after the other. It may just be God revealing it to me, but I find it pretty amazing that directly after God tells us to humble ourselves, he tells us to cast all of it on Him. I believe God knows that being humble is ridiculously hard for us humans, so he wanted to make sure we knew it was totally okay to cast it all on Him - actually, that's the only way we can be humble - dependance on Him.
Anyway, that's the stuff in my head right now. Peace and love, homies...
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