...to the beach!! YAY!! We leave on the 5th to go to Pensacola, and we'll be back on Sunday, the 8th. This will be our first vacation by ourselves since we've been married, and although it will keep us tight on money for a minute, it'll be TOTALLY worth it. We're staying in a bed & breakfast in one of the historic districts down there...I'm so pumped. I promise...we don't travel anywhere near as much as we want to, so if it seems that way, it's not. :) I'm just ready to be with just my husband for a little while - a chance to relax and do NOTHING. We've committed to starting our 10 hours of prayer while we're there...I figure it's a good place to start. (For those who have no idea what I'm talking about, we're having a Month of Prayer at Safe Harbor Church during July. We've committed to praying for 10 hours throughout the month. For more info, click here.)
Needless to say, we need to get our butts in gear spiritually. Ever have those times in life where nothing seems right? I mean, my marriage is fine (no worries), and we love church, but other than that...it just seems...eh, I don't know....complacent, for lack of a better term. Paul and I were talking last night, and we both realized that we're selfish. Now, trust me, this is not a new epiphany for either one of us, but it did hit us rather hard. I realized that I miss Jesus. I miss Him because I haven't invited him to be with me lately. I haven't asked Him what He wants me to do with my life. I guess when you feel purposeless so often, it's hard to remember to do that. And it's not that I don't have a purpose...I just haven't been asking God about it as of late. Being in the South has aided me in thinking this way because you're in the Bible belt and everyone around you claims to be a Christian, so life is good...you don't need to change, you don't need to challenge yourself, you don't need the Bible or discipline...which, I've learned the hard way, is wrong. I know this. But I want to experience it, if for the millionth time. Does that make sense?
I love Luke & Shana (our pastor and his wife). They challenge us in so many ways, and that's one of the main reasons we know we're supposed to be at Safe Harbor right now. We're committed (even if we're not going to be there on the 8th...boo...) because we know, if nothing else, that this is where we belong for now. Paul and I are called to do something, we just don't know what yet. Having a place to call home for the time being is GREAT. I want God to challenge me again, to rid me of this selfishness, but not yet. I'm scared. I'm tempted. I'm not clean. And I know that it's in this particular state, that He gently (not forcefully) calls me back to Him.
Oh God..."my heart and flesh may fail, you're my everpresent help"...be my tower of strength right now...
3 comments:
I have also been hit hard lately by the fact that I am selfish. Not a fun thing to come to grips with. I really do hope we can meet. I will be in AL from the 2nd to the 15th. We will have to find some time to get together. I think we must meet!
P.S. Have mucho fun in Florida!
"I realized that I miss Jesus. I miss Him because I haven't invited him to be with me lately."
That was a brilliant line. That's how I feel sometime in my life, that I miss Jesus. I get this aching in my heart to spend quality time with my LORD. Thanks for your honesty :)
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