(originally written Thursday morning)
So I’m thoroughly convinced that airports (and the people who are found in them) create numerous opportunities for fun and ridicule. People-watching should be considered a job in an airport…hence my joy at the prospect of flying. Today was different for me, though. I was alienated from my Southwest Airlines for the first time since…2003, maybe? The last time I flew something other than Southwest, it was an international flight to Macedonia (western Europe, people) for a mission trip when I was in MC. I know, some of you are thinking…why in the world would you waste time with Southwest, anyway? Well, if I can get to Chicago for $89 one way, I’ll take it in a heartbeat over high-priced assigned seats on bigger planes. But my pension for SW is not the issue today. This trip was purchased and planned for me by two of the greatest people ever, so I’m at the mercy of Delta Airlines.
The assigned seating and “zone” boarding were easy enough to understand, even if the Skycabbie in B’ham was not friendly. (Well, who could really blame him? I didn’t want to be there at 6:00 am either.) Flying to Atlanta from B’ham seems like a pointless trip, considering the flight takes a total of 30 mins in the air and an hour gate to gate, but hence is my current position. The flight was mostly uneventful, but you know I had to record some tidbits of fun for my readers!
I was sitting in an aisle seat about halfway back, and I’m stuck between Gum-Smacking Man to my left, and Happy McSnores-A-Lot on my right with his Ipod blaring. (Too bad Happy looks like he could be the younger brother of the CEO from my company, and made me shudder in true, I-hate-my-job fashion, so the snoring added to my annoyance.) I did empathize with Gum Man, though…it was obvious that he and his wife had never flown before, so their excited nervousness was precious to me. It reminded me of the trip I took with my now mother-in-law before Paul and I got married. She, in her 50-something years, had never flown before, and we were flying to Chicago for one of my bridal showers. I felt like I was herding a five year old as she stared out the window and giggled almost the whole time. (We were on…er, interesting (read: bad) terms at the time, seeing that she didn’t really want me to marry her son… Don’t worry, we’re better now.)
Towards the end of the flight, Gum Man asks me if I fly a lot, and unabashedly, I say yes. I realized later that this probably sounded snobby, but I was in the middle of a page in the book I was reading, it was before 8:00 am my time, and he simply left the conversation hanging so that he could swivel around to see the back of the plane as he had done 50 times prior. There wasn’t much opportunity to say anything else. So the plane lands, and all of a sudden, enter Dumbass on a Cell Phone. We’re taxing on the runway, for maybe 10 mins to find our gate, and he made FIVE CALLS. He was obviously some marketing something because the calls were first to his (I assume) wife, then to his PA (personal assistant) asking her if she was mad at him, and then to three clients, discussing this upcoming weekend. Trust me, I know it seems as if I was eavesdropping, but the entire section we were in could hear him. I understand that there are plenty of people who are smarter and more important than I am, but dude…it’s 8:15 (9:15 in ATL), people are still waking up, and you’re going to blare your business to five different people (or their voicemails) while we’re still on the freaking plane?!? C’MON! Let me clue you in…you’re not that important.
The airport in ATL is a lot like Midway, just a bit bigger. Needless to say, I wasn’t really nervous about being here. (I felt even better about life when Paul said, “And you’re not a dumbass…you’ll read the signs” in response to my wonderings about the airport this morning.) Like I said before, it’s fun to people-watch in places like this. You have typical business travelers (if not in a suit, then Polo shorts/khakis, Polo shirt, and the loafers that are apparently supposed to imply that they have money); families going on or coming back from vacation (cue matching pieces of apparal, maybe a kid on a leash, parents screaming “stay together!” at random); regular travelers like me (laptop, book, magazine, music player of some sort, etc). But then you have the “special ones”…the rock band with their guitars in tow who need special treatment at the check-in counter for their luggage; the thug gangsta who has to be fully decked out in chains and bling with sun glasses on INSIDE the airport; the elderly in wheelchairs or on those stupid, beeping, enlarged golf carts that the airport personnel drive around. The masses bend and sway, changing every couple mins, whether to catch a flight, grab something to eat, or lollygag as I’m trying to walk behind them. The gates are full or empty, depending on the flight time, and you can watch the TSA agents (most of the time) doing what needs to be done.
However, all of it reminds me that airport WiFi sucks (which is why I’ve typed this up in Word first), I desperately need an Ipod, and I still have two hours to sit here for my next flight. Awesome.
8.27.2007
Things are...
...seemingly back to normal. Last week was rough, but my weekend was awesome, and coming home yesterday was great. I'm back at work now...boo...but hopefully it won't be as crazy as last week. I still haven't gotten the update on how Thursday and Friday went. :( My weekend consisted of a lot of driving, meeting new people, seeing old friends and my family, Navy Pier, flooded highways, and not sleeping much. All in all, it was awesome. AND I came home to a pretty clean house, laundry done, some new landscaping, and a lovey-dovey husband who missed me. ;) God is good, even if I hate my job, so it's all good today. I'll post more tonight when I get home - I have a funny blog about my time in the airport(s) on Thursday. Peace out yo...
8.20.2007
This week...
...will be hell until Thursday. Please pray for me. I already feel as if my sanity is slipping through my tired fingers. And I'm ready to punch someone in the face. And cry. All at the same time. Thanks for your prayers...
8.14.2007
Sex God, Chapter Two
This chapter was much more simple for me and my finite mind to understand. Rob breaks things down into very simplistic terms, and although I know he's been criticized for it, I believe that is why there are so many people at his church and who follow his teaching. And while I thoroughly believe in deep spirituality, I don't believe that's how everyone should start out. I'm glad for his approach...
The title for this chapter is "Sexy on the Inside," which automatically drew me in. Being someone who struggles with how I look on the outside, a chapter directed at my insides being sexy rather than my outsides was highly intriguing. He starts the chapter with the ways we're disconnected - from each other, from the earth, from ourselves, and then directly from God - and how this affects us in multiple ways. He tells a story about going to a Rolling Stones concert, and randomly talking to the [non-Christian] couple next to him about all things spiritual, with the female asking him (about humanity in general), "Why is it so hard for us to get along? Why do we have to fight with each other and go to war and hurt each other and sue each other and say horrible things about each other?" This made me think about a saying Pastor Gary used all the time - some people are better by nature than they are by grace, and this non-Christian person spoke the pain of all of humanity in a few words.
When talking about being disconnected from the earth, I have to admit, I was a tad stand-offish. I'm all for the tree-huggers and hippies of the world, but I'm not so much of that mentality. But I think he makes a few interesting, if not good, points about altering our air with electric machines, how car companies make us think that their product is the only way we can really experience nature, and a whole tangent about our trash and where it goes. And then there's a small snipit about our disconnection from ourselves - how we can so easily be distracted from the vision/passion of our own hearts, that we don't even realize what has happened until it's almost too late.
And then he brings in the biblical application - God's interaction with Adam and Even in the garden, about the initial disconnect of humanity from God, the earth, and between each other. Good stuff. He says, "And this is where you and I come in. We were born into a world, into a condition, of disconnection. Things were created to be a certain way, and they're not that way, and we feel it in every fiber of our being." This has been so pertinent in my life lately. This general feeling of...blah...
He then connects it to the sexual - he says that scholars believe that our word "sex" comes from the Latin word secare, which means "to sever, to amputate, or to disconnect from the whole." So therefore, our sexuality has two dimensions. "First, our sexuality is our awareness of how profoundly we're severed and cut off and disconnected. Second, our sexuality is all of the ways we go about trying to reconnect." Wow. That puts an entirely new spin on sex for me, and thinking about my past, it all clicks. We need to re-think our definition of sex, and then of sexual dysfunction.
He goes through an entire portion about the Red Light District in Amsterdam, about how unsexual the place is. With our new definition, there is no true sexual connection there - it's all strictly physical. He then relates this to our communities, and how truly detrimental it is to have a strictly "physical" connection with the people God has placed in our lives. We need to move to having a "sexual" connection with our church families. I know, I know...weirdness. But if you can push past the only definition in your mind, it makes sense. People blame the institution of the church for their hurts, pains, etc., but really...the institution is made up of people all striving to regain the connections they've lost.
"Somebody in this group hurt somebody in that group. Somebody at school or in that office wronged somebody else. And they haven't done the work to apologize and make amends and work through it. When I meet someone who has been burned by an institution, my first question is, 'What was the person's name?' We'll never heal unless we can identify who did what when. Only then can we begin the process of being set free."
I know I've quoted a lot, but I couldn't have put this better myself. He ends the chapter with a story about a friend of his who is celibate (he mentions celibacy a couple times throughout the chapter) and how her vow is not to go without love, but more a vow she calls "universal love" (yes, I know what you're thinking...). But her main objective is to be "sexually" connected to as many people as she can, without being shallow or superficial. I know this terminology isn't something that will catch on in the American church of today, but regardless, it should really challenge our thinking about community, and what it truly means to be connected.
And then, this paragraph:
"You can't be connected with God until you're at peace with who you are. If you're still upset that God gave you this body or this life or this family or these circumstances, you will never be able to connect with God in a healthy, thriving, sustainable sort of way. You'll be at odds with your maker. And if you can't come to terms with who you are and the life you've been given, you'll never be able to accept others and how they were made and the lives they've been given. And until you're at peace with God and those around you, you will continue to struggle with your role on the planet, your part to play in the ongoing creation of the universe. You will continue to struggle and resist and fail to connect."
And thus, be kicked in the ass, as I am.
The title for this chapter is "Sexy on the Inside," which automatically drew me in. Being someone who struggles with how I look on the outside, a chapter directed at my insides being sexy rather than my outsides was highly intriguing. He starts the chapter with the ways we're disconnected - from each other, from the earth, from ourselves, and then directly from God - and how this affects us in multiple ways. He tells a story about going to a Rolling Stones concert, and randomly talking to the [non-Christian] couple next to him about all things spiritual, with the female asking him (about humanity in general), "Why is it so hard for us to get along? Why do we have to fight with each other and go to war and hurt each other and sue each other and say horrible things about each other?" This made me think about a saying Pastor Gary used all the time - some people are better by nature than they are by grace, and this non-Christian person spoke the pain of all of humanity in a few words.
When talking about being disconnected from the earth, I have to admit, I was a tad stand-offish. I'm all for the tree-huggers and hippies of the world, but I'm not so much of that mentality. But I think he makes a few interesting, if not good, points about altering our air with electric machines, how car companies make us think that their product is the only way we can really experience nature, and a whole tangent about our trash and where it goes. And then there's a small snipit about our disconnection from ourselves - how we can so easily be distracted from the vision/passion of our own hearts, that we don't even realize what has happened until it's almost too late.
And then he brings in the biblical application - God's interaction with Adam and Even in the garden, about the initial disconnect of humanity from God, the earth, and between each other. Good stuff. He says, "And this is where you and I come in. We were born into a world, into a condition, of disconnection. Things were created to be a certain way, and they're not that way, and we feel it in every fiber of our being." This has been so pertinent in my life lately. This general feeling of...blah...
He then connects it to the sexual - he says that scholars believe that our word "sex" comes from the Latin word secare, which means "to sever, to amputate, or to disconnect from the whole." So therefore, our sexuality has two dimensions. "First, our sexuality is our awareness of how profoundly we're severed and cut off and disconnected. Second, our sexuality is all of the ways we go about trying to reconnect." Wow. That puts an entirely new spin on sex for me, and thinking about my past, it all clicks. We need to re-think our definition of sex, and then of sexual dysfunction.
He goes through an entire portion about the Red Light District in Amsterdam, about how unsexual the place is. With our new definition, there is no true sexual connection there - it's all strictly physical. He then relates this to our communities, and how truly detrimental it is to have a strictly "physical" connection with the people God has placed in our lives. We need to move to having a "sexual" connection with our church families. I know, I know...weirdness. But if you can push past the only definition in your mind, it makes sense. People blame the institution of the church for their hurts, pains, etc., but really...the institution is made up of people all striving to regain the connections they've lost.
"Somebody in this group hurt somebody in that group. Somebody at school or in that office wronged somebody else. And they haven't done the work to apologize and make amends and work through it. When I meet someone who has been burned by an institution, my first question is, 'What was the person's name?' We'll never heal unless we can identify who did what when. Only then can we begin the process of being set free."
I know I've quoted a lot, but I couldn't have put this better myself. He ends the chapter with a story about a friend of his who is celibate (he mentions celibacy a couple times throughout the chapter) and how her vow is not to go without love, but more a vow she calls "universal love" (yes, I know what you're thinking...). But her main objective is to be "sexually" connected to as many people as she can, without being shallow or superficial. I know this terminology isn't something that will catch on in the American church of today, but regardless, it should really challenge our thinking about community, and what it truly means to be connected.
And then, this paragraph:
"You can't be connected with God until you're at peace with who you are. If you're still upset that God gave you this body or this life or this family or these circumstances, you will never be able to connect with God in a healthy, thriving, sustainable sort of way. You'll be at odds with your maker. And if you can't come to terms with who you are and the life you've been given, you'll never be able to accept others and how they were made and the lives they've been given. And until you're at peace with God and those around you, you will continue to struggle with your role on the planet, your part to play in the ongoing creation of the universe. You will continue to struggle and resist and fail to connect."
And thus, be kicked in the ass, as I am.
8.13.2007
Today is...
...Paul's Birthday!!! YAY for #26!
He's the greatest husband ever! I love you, Nathaniel Paul!!! :)
If you have his cell number, call or text him a Happy Birthday! Thanks, all!
8.04.2007
Sex God, Chapter One
I started reading Sex God by Rob Bell (hence the obvious title), and I'm not sure how to determine my current mental state. This is the book that our next big sermon series is based on, and Luke has asked me to preach one of the Sundays, so I felt the right thing to do would be to actually read the whole thing, and not just the specific chapter I'm assigned (see? I would have made an excellent college student...)
I've made it through the introduction and the first chapter, and God has already struck me with a developing revelation about why I am the way I am a lot of times. I know, I've heard some crazy things about Rob Bell, but I have to tell you, from what I've read of his, I'm amazed. God can most definitely use anyone for his purposes, and Rob is most definitely being used. (Yes, we're on a first name basis already...what?) The introduction was simple enough, talking about how any time we start to discuss sexuality, the deeper the discussion goes, the more spiritual it gets. This is something I learned a long time ago, especially when God called me to share my past with people. Needless to say, the intro was not the revelation-inducing part.
It was the first chapter - God Wears Lipstick. Funny title, eh? Yeah, I thought so too. But then he opens the chapter with part of a diary entry from a captain in WW2 assigned to the liberate of one of the concentration camps in Germany. First of all, way to throw a total downer at me right off the bat. Anyone who knows me well enough (or has witnessed my response to certain movies throughout my life...i.e. parts of Schindler's List, Life is Beautiful, etc.) knows that anything having to do with genocide bothers me to the point of literally feeling sick. We had to watch parts of Schindler's List in seventh grade (sooo wrong...am I right?) and I ran out of the room in sobbing uncontrollably. My teacher was tempted to put me in counseling. Ha. (That's a whole other story...) Anyway, Rob continues by talking about how when we disrespect other people (treating them like an object instead of a human) we disrespect God's image - the image that they were created in. So, in turn, we end up slapping God himself in the face. Well, DANG.
"We don't respect the divine image in others just because we want to uphold their humanity. It isn't just about them. It's about us. It's about our humanity as well."
So me being selfish and treating others as if I'm better than them (whether I say anything out loud or not) is actually more if a hindrance to me than it is to them? Once again, DANG.
It's always the simplest of words that cause the greatest revelations for me. I guess it's mostly because I choose to complicate things in my head to the point where I don't actually receive anything from it...I just wear myself out thinking about it. Rob then moves forward, from seeing God's image in people to seeing us in them. He tells a story about a prostitute who came to his church to talk to him. Her intention was to tell him her plan to commit suicide, and to ask whether or not she would go to heaven if she went through with it. In the midst of her story, she mentioned having a daughter from one of her clients, and when Rob asked her about the daughter, she said, "My daughter's name is Faith."
He then says, "There are these moments when the enemy all of a sudden becomes just like me. When a soldier becomes a son. When a prostitute becomes a mother. When they become we. When those become us. When he becomes me."
What a reminder...a reminder that any of us could be in any of the situations we so easily look down upon. I could be that prostitute wanting to end my own life. If God hadn't led certain people to do/say certain things in certain times in my life, I could feasibly be ANYWHERE right now. I struggle with jealously AND pride...not a great combo. But this chapter reminds me specifically WHY that's a killer combo to struggle with...that it doesn't really affect those involved in my jealousy or my judgement. It really only affects me. And God's concern is that I protect His image in me by respecting His image in others.
The lipstick part came at the very end of the chapter (oh so dramatic, Rob...way to go...). It was the end of the same diary entry that he opened the chapter with. The captain spoke about how they were hurting for so many necessities for the people in the camp, but someone (he didn't know who) had sent them an entire shipment of lipstick. He said it was a sheer act of brilliance...one he didn't realize at first. He writes, "I believe nothing did more for these internees than the lipstick... At last someone had done something to make them individuals again, they were someone, no longer merely the number tattooed on the arm. At last they could take an interest in their appearance. That lipstick started to give them back their humanity."
So, I guess God wears lipstick.
I've made it through the introduction and the first chapter, and God has already struck me with a developing revelation about why I am the way I am a lot of times. I know, I've heard some crazy things about Rob Bell, but I have to tell you, from what I've read of his, I'm amazed. God can most definitely use anyone for his purposes, and Rob is most definitely being used. (Yes, we're on a first name basis already...what?) The introduction was simple enough, talking about how any time we start to discuss sexuality, the deeper the discussion goes, the more spiritual it gets. This is something I learned a long time ago, especially when God called me to share my past with people. Needless to say, the intro was not the revelation-inducing part.
It was the first chapter - God Wears Lipstick. Funny title, eh? Yeah, I thought so too. But then he opens the chapter with part of a diary entry from a captain in WW2 assigned to the liberate of one of the concentration camps in Germany. First of all, way to throw a total downer at me right off the bat. Anyone who knows me well enough (or has witnessed my response to certain movies throughout my life...i.e. parts of Schindler's List, Life is Beautiful, etc.) knows that anything having to do with genocide bothers me to the point of literally feeling sick. We had to watch parts of Schindler's List in seventh grade (sooo wrong...am I right?) and I ran out of the room in sobbing uncontrollably. My teacher was tempted to put me in counseling. Ha. (That's a whole other story...) Anyway, Rob continues by talking about how when we disrespect other people (treating them like an object instead of a human) we disrespect God's image - the image that they were created in. So, in turn, we end up slapping God himself in the face. Well, DANG.
"We don't respect the divine image in others just because we want to uphold their humanity. It isn't just about them. It's about us. It's about our humanity as well."
So me being selfish and treating others as if I'm better than them (whether I say anything out loud or not) is actually more if a hindrance to me than it is to them? Once again, DANG.
It's always the simplest of words that cause the greatest revelations for me. I guess it's mostly because I choose to complicate things in my head to the point where I don't actually receive anything from it...I just wear myself out thinking about it. Rob then moves forward, from seeing God's image in people to seeing us in them. He tells a story about a prostitute who came to his church to talk to him. Her intention was to tell him her plan to commit suicide, and to ask whether or not she would go to heaven if she went through with it. In the midst of her story, she mentioned having a daughter from one of her clients, and when Rob asked her about the daughter, she said, "My daughter's name is Faith."
He then says, "There are these moments when the enemy all of a sudden becomes just like me. When a soldier becomes a son. When a prostitute becomes a mother. When they become we. When those become us. When he becomes me."
What a reminder...a reminder that any of us could be in any of the situations we so easily look down upon. I could be that prostitute wanting to end my own life. If God hadn't led certain people to do/say certain things in certain times in my life, I could feasibly be ANYWHERE right now. I struggle with jealously AND pride...not a great combo. But this chapter reminds me specifically WHY that's a killer combo to struggle with...that it doesn't really affect those involved in my jealousy or my judgement. It really only affects me. And God's concern is that I protect His image in me by respecting His image in others.
The lipstick part came at the very end of the chapter (oh so dramatic, Rob...way to go...). It was the end of the same diary entry that he opened the chapter with. The captain spoke about how they were hurting for so many necessities for the people in the camp, but someone (he didn't know who) had sent them an entire shipment of lipstick. He said it was a sheer act of brilliance...one he didn't realize at first. He writes, "I believe nothing did more for these internees than the lipstick... At last someone had done something to make them individuals again, they were someone, no longer merely the number tattooed on the arm. At last they could take an interest in their appearance. That lipstick started to give them back their humanity."
So, I guess God wears lipstick.
8.02.2007
The Luckiest
To Paul...
The Luckiest
Ben Folds
I don't get many things right the first time
in fact,
I am told that a lot
now I know all the wrong turns —
the stumbles and falls brought me here
and where was I before the day
that I first saw your lovely face
now I see it everyday and I know that
I am,
I am
I am the luckiest
what if I'd been born fifty years before you
in a house on the street where you lived
maybe I'd be outside
as you passed on your bike,
would I know?
and in a wide sea of eyes
I see one pair that I recognize
and I know that
I am,
I am
I am the luckiest
I love you more than I have ever found a way to say to you
next door there's an old man
who lived into his nineties
and one day passed away in his sleep
and his wife, she stayed for a couple of days
and passed away
I'm sorry
I know that's a strange way to tell you
that I know we belong...
that I know that
I am,
I am
I am the luckiest
The Luckiest
Ben Folds
I don't get many things right the first time
in fact,
I am told that a lot
now I know all the wrong turns —
the stumbles and falls brought me here
and where was I before the day
that I first saw your lovely face
now I see it everyday and I know that
I am,
I am
I am the luckiest
what if I'd been born fifty years before you
in a house on the street where you lived
maybe I'd be outside
as you passed on your bike,
would I know?
and in a wide sea of eyes
I see one pair that I recognize
and I know that
I am,
I am
I am the luckiest
I love you more than I have ever found a way to say to you
next door there's an old man
who lived into his nineties
and one day passed away in his sleep
and his wife, she stayed for a couple of days
and passed away
I'm sorry
I know that's a strange way to tell you
that I know we belong...
that I know that
I am,
I am
I am the luckiest
8.01.2007
God intrigues me...
Today has been one hell of a day. Well, really, this week has been insane, and it's only Wednesday. I've had to deal with numerous events this week already, so I'm a tad emotionally ravaged at the moment. Perfect time to make a couple of points. Read as if you're watching one of those cheesy Mastercard commercials:
- Fighting...sucks. It doesn't matter with whom or what the fight is about...it sucks.
- Having to watch a friend be treated as if she's a criminal...sucks.
- Talking out my feelings with my supervisor about that friend...sucks.
- Not getting enough sleep because my head continues to pound, as if someone is building a house or something up there...sucks.
- Having to stare at my computer screen while the house-building continues...sucks.
Not only getting thanks for a job well done at work, but also being RIDICULOUSLY BLESSED because of it...
FREAKING PRICELESS!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't give details, but the details really don't matter all that much...God has, once again, and in spite of my asinine behavior, reminded me of who HE is and what HE can do! Let's just put it this way...the last 6 months have now been worth it. God is so good...and COMPLETELY FAITHFUL. I love Jesus...
Psalm 13 - The Message
A David Psalm
1-2 Long enough, God— you've ignored me long enough. I've looked at the back of your head long enough. Long enough I've carried this ton of trouble, lived with a stomach full of pain. Long enough my arrogant enemies have looked down their noses at me. (This is how I've felt for so long...)
3-4 Take a good look at me, God, my God; I want to look life in the eye, so no enemy can get the best of me or laugh when I fall on my face. (This, along with a few more choice words, is what I've told God in the past week...)
5-6 I've thrown myself headlong into your arms— I'm celebrating your rescue (!!!!!!!). I'm singing at the top of my lungs - I'm so full of answered prayers!!!!! (emphasis mine...THIS is what I feel like RIGHT NOW!!!!!!)
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