Stuff I want to talk about...

2009-05-03T19:49:00.001-07:00

Click here to watch a man sing all about me. (Ok, it's about his wife, but he might as well be singing about me...)

LOL - I'm not that crazy, but I'm close!

Post #100!

2009-04-16T15:08:00.001-07:00

This is a perfect topic for my 100th post...

Considering I've lost approximately 15 lbs. since January, and I'm committed to continuing, I've come up with my top 10 pros (not in any order) to losing weight. Of course there are cons, but I'm staying positive!

Feeling better - I can't tell you how much better I feel physically right now. I've been up and down in my weight since highschool, and this is probably the best I've felt in a long time.
Walking - I'm telling you, I was fully against walking (thanks to my mom...long story) prior to owning a dog. That's right...every time Nacho and I go walking, that old school Chicago song pops into my head... "You're the meaning in my life, you're the inspiration..." She definitely pushes me - I just know I'll feel guilty if I don't walk her, unless it's raining...
My calves - I know that sounds silly, but they're my favorite part of my body. I've always had pretty beefy legs (from years of soccer when I was younger), but they're finally getting some actual shape back, instead of just being beefy. LOL.
How clothes fit - It's kinda rough right now because I'm inbetween sizes, and although I don't have a specific size as a goal (being healthy is the goal), I can see and feel myself going down. I'm not ever going to be Barbie, and I'm finally starting to be happy with who I am and how I look, even in dresses! Just the fact that a lot of my clothes are big on me is good enough!
Taking clothes OUT of the goodwill bag - HA! We donate to the thrift store at least a couple times a year, and in the past, it's been because clothes were too small for me, and giving them away made me feel a touch better about the situation. But now, I've been able to grab a couple things back out of the bag because they FIT!
Having more energy - I know, I know...it's cliche, but it's so true! My appetite suppressant has helped a lot, but now I'm starting to feel that energy anyway.
Food DOES NOT control me - This is huge. I'm an emotional/stress eater, which is why I got to the size I did. I was allowing my life to revolve around food, using the fact that I love it (cooking, experimenting, etc.) as my excuse. But now, I've allowed myself to feel hungry - something I was not used to. It's been very freeing. And I am continuing to work on not letting myself feel guilty if I go overboard every once in a while - it truly is all about moderation.
Paul being "worried" about me leaving - JK! He did make that comment the other day, but I know he's not serious, and trust me, he has nothing to worry about. But to see him look at me differently, and notice how things are changing...he doesn't know how much that encourages me. I don't thank him enough for that.
Size "Large" - Now this may seem kinda vulnerable, but it's the truth - I was super pumped to buy a dress in a size LARGE instead of XL. I was smiling so big at Wal-Mart (yeah, that's how I roll) that I'm sure the woman running the fitting room thought I was crazy. As a side note - smaller underwear is a HUGE plus too!! Sorry...TMI...
Relying on God - This may seem off-topic, but when my doctor put me on the appetite suppresant originally, I was at the bottom. I knew I needed to change, but I was so lazy...I was afraid that nothing would happen, just like every other time I've tried, so what was the point? Now, I have specific goals, like getting the ol' bod ready for pregnancy...and no, nothing is going on in that area. I just know it's going to take a while, and I knew I needed to get started if I want to be remotely healthy when I do get pregnant. I have some great encouragement (especially from Nacho!), and I'm really starting to believe I can do it. It's a beautiful thing.

So - I'm sure there's more, but that's all I can think of right now. Do you have anything to add?

Meet our new baby!

2009-04-03T15:12:00.000-07:00

This is Nacho. We adopted her last week from the Birmingham Humane Society. She's a 9 month old hound mix (mutt), and she's precious. Although we have had a hellish week with her this week, we are so happy to have her. She has gone through it this week - the vet found a mass in her stomach area last Saturday. The vet told us to keep an eye on the mass for a couple days, and if it didn't go away, to bring her in. It did not go away, so we brought her in on Tuesday - she got a full round of blood work and an xray, but that showed us nothing. The vet recommended talking to the humane society about possibly doing an exploratory surgery, considering the mass was closer to her private area, and it could be a side effect from her spay surgery. We tried calling yesterday, but with no luck. She wasn't eating or pooping normally throughout the week, and by yesterday morning, we found tape worms in her poop. BOO. As if that wasn't enough, she started bleeding a bit last night, as if she was in heat. Hence, more suspicion about her spay surgery and me losing it. Paul brought her to the humane society during lunch today, and the vet tech there decided to do another surgery to see what the mass is and/or if there were any problems with her spay. We've heard that the surgery went well and that Nacho is doing well, but we haven't gotten details on anything yet.

So within a week and a half and almost $400 later, God is giving us a glimpse of what it takes to be parents. LOL.

UPDATE: The vet @ the humance society finally called us back from her cell phone (bless her!) around 7:00ish on Friday night. She said that when they did Nacho's spay about a month ago, she had already started her cycle, so the amount of blood during the surgery was at a higher level than normal (sorry, that's probably gross). Anyway, because of that, the vet did two internal sutures instead of just one. Apparently, the first suture leaked into the second one and caused a clot of blood to form (not a blood clot, like we think of, but a pouch of blood). That's what the mass was, and that's why she started bleeding on Thursday night. We're super thankful that we brought her in when we did because the clot could have ruptured at any time, and would have caused her to hemmorage (sp?). Yikes!! They cleaned her out during the surgery, and used staples to make sure nothing happened when they sewed her up. PLUS they did the whole thing for free, and sent the medicine (anti-inflammatory and antibiotic) home for free as well. Thank you Jesus! Needless to say, when we got her back on Saturday, she was worn out and drugged up, so the weekend was pretty laid back in comparison to what we had planned. Our baby looks like Frankenstein, but we're thankful that she's ok! :)

Make me be STILL

2009-03-06T04:00:00.000-08:00

You can tell how my week has been when you find out that I went to bed last night with an old Madonna song in my head and 3 to-do lists running, and I woke up this morning with a Ben Folds song in my head and 4 to-do lists running. *Sigh* It has been one of those weeks, and not just for me. I feel as though I'm surround by people who are frustrated with life, work, church, etc. People who are expecting more and aren't satisfied. People who are hurting because of loss, brokenness, physical pain. People struggling with doubt, fear, anger, and maybe even a bit of insanity (maybe that's just me...ha). I've experienced all of these things, and although I am the person I am today because of it, that doesn't take away the aching strain that life puts on us. This is why my devotion last night was so meaningful to me. It's taken from "The One Year Daily Grind" devotional by Sarah Arthur. This devotional has been awesome thus far...I would highly recommend it for people who are a bit scattered - people who can handle daily devotional readings without a ton of structure. (Sarah is a divinity student @ Duke, married to her best friend (Tom) and has written 6 devotional books...need I say more?)

It's a poem/prayer she wrote called "Make Me Be Still" based loosely on Psalm 131:

God, make me be still.

My mind is full of words and pictures
and ideas I imagine to be true.
My heart is full of desires
I wrongfully feel I'm entitled to.
My body is full of sleep
and cobwebs and dust.
My soul is empty.

Now I know that when
my rambling, fast-forward
high-powered mind
and my creative, unrealistic imagination
take over my life,
my relationship with You suffers.
And when my body is sleepy,
I'm not awake to Your presence.
When my soul is empty,
I have nothing to give to others.

So if my mind is taking over,
let my thoughts be full of you, Jesus.
And if my imagination is taking over,
let it be baptized and sanctified by you, Jesus.
And if my body is taking over,
may it be awakened and energized by you, Jesus.
And if my soul is empty,
pour in your Holy Spirit till I'm full to overflowing.
Be the conscious control
over every aspect of who I am,
for it is in You that I live
and move and have my very being.

Amen.

Dude!

2009-02-13T15:53:00.000-08:00

I'm actually on YouTube! It's not the best performance by any means, but for those who were there, it was definitely a GOD moment. Our worship leader put up a few clips from the IMPACT Youth Retreat weekend...hopefully we can get some feedback or something. :)

Click here to see our cover of "We Are Broken" by Paramore. We're still looking for a name!

Update

2009-02-03T14:40:00.000-08:00

So I'm not as bored now, I guess. LOL. Here's a general update:

I love to-do lists. It's a sad thing that has been mentioned already on this blog, but I don't care. It helps me sleep to write stuff out. Sorry, I know that's random, but it's sitting here next to me and I was thinking about it...
This past weekend was awesome! The youth retreat went so well...it was impacting for all of us, not just the kids. I was sick most of the weekend (and still am for the most part), but God pulled through in helping all of us sing/play. We had so much fun with the worship team...*sigh*. I love it. We are searching for a name, so if you have any ideas, let me know!
We're so pumped to be moving to a new building for church. It's going to be a big change, but I feel like this is the change we have been needing for a while now. It's the first time I've felt so positive about the possibility of moving being discussed. And now it's not just being discussed, it's actually happening! We can't wait for March!
This weather needs to even itself out. If it wants to be cold, it needs to stay cold. If it wants to be warm, it needs to stay warm. This isn't hard, Birmingham.
We want a dog. Paul is really wanting one, even if he tells you otherwise. We almost adopted a puppy from a friend of a friend, but we haven't followed up on it, and I think it's a bit early yet. Paul wants to get the privacy fence done before we get one, but I don't know if it will work - he's so busy with school and church that his weekends are booked up. Oh well...I'm sure he'll work it out. He even has other people asking him for his advice on fences and such - I love that people are seeing his talents and encouraging him in them. It makes me happy. Anyway, we were thinking about a border collie, which would be great, but after watching a Dog Whisperer episode on a super angry herding dog, I'm not so sure...
I'm ready for friends to come visit - I can't wait for good friends of old to meet good friends of present. :)
I'm pumped about new movies coming out: He's Just Not that Into You, Confessions of a Shopaholic, Push, Race to Witch Mountain, Fast & the Furious (yes, I'm a nerd, but it has the original cast), Night at the Museum 2, etc.
I'm loving the new devotional I'm reading through - the title has something to do with coffee and God, and I'm too lazy to go find it. Anyway, it's a college student writing it, and it's a bit random at times, but that works for me. And it's helping me actually read something in the Bible every day. It makes me happy.
I totally forgot to post about tattoo #5 in my last couple posts! It's 'Freedom' in Greek from Galatians 5:1 on my left wrist. I'm happy to have both wrists done now...I have to get my other ankle done - the lack of symmetry is killing me.
I'm also a bit obsessed with TV right now. We're into a few different shows...I have to watch myself or I'll start spending too much time with it. I think we might start getting into Heroes...IDK. We watch Chuck/possibly Heroes on Mondays, AI/Scrubs on Tuesday, and AI/Lie to Me on Wednesday. We don't really do anything on Thursday/Friday, but who knows...it could start.
I'm sad - we were planning on going to Boston over July 4th, but I don't think it's going to pan out. It's really expensive, and it's coming up too quickly to fully plan it. I'm not sure what we'll do, but I already have the vacation time scheduled - maybe we'll start training a dog that week!
I think my parents and my grandparents (mom's side) are coming down in April. It's exciting and sad at the same time - it'll be the first and most likely the last time my grandparents will be down here. My grandma's situation is a long story right now, but let's just say it's going downhill. I hate bittersweet emotions.

Well, I guess that's it for now. Props to me for blogging a bit more regularly! :)

Do you ever just get bored?

2009-01-29T11:25:00.000-08:00

That's how I feel today...bored. Really bored. I'm not complaining - I'd rather be bored having a job than not having a job. But really...I just wonder when this part of my life will be over. And it probably won't be for a while. *sigh*

Maybe all of this deep contemplation is due to me watching My So-Called Life...the complete series. Ha. Too bad my Jordan Catalano is painting cars right now... ;)

Oh, and I heart Activia yogurt. Seriously. It's probably not the best thing to be eating with my sinuses being all jacked up and my throat all irritated, but whatever. Sorry for the randomness. Maybe I'll blog about something real later...

Whoa...it's been a while

2009-01-20T13:55:00.000-08:00

I didn't realize that it's been almost two months since I've posted anything, and the last thing to be posted was a survey. I'm a loser. Anyway, the past two months have been busy ones - here's a brief update:

Spent Thanksgiving with Paul's family - super fun, let me tell you.
Watched Alabama kill Auburn. :)
Watched Alabama get killed by Florida. :(
Spent Christmas (well, part of the week prior to) on a Disney Cruise with my dad's whole family. It was so much fun...seriously. I would recommend it to anyone who has kids (and even those who don't).
Spent Christmas weekend with my family in Chicago - snow, family, good food, good times.
Paul started back to school, including doing an internship with church - don't worry, he's basically been doing all of it already, so it's not much different than normal life @ SHC for us. Which is a good thing.
I logged onto MySpace for the first time since October or November and cleaned it out. That was crazy.
Had an amazing time at Worship @ Workplay.
Spent this past weekend back in Chicago for an extended family Christmas party - this was with the family of the cousin who passed away in November. Sad, but still very good.

*Sigh* OK. Now that the update is officially done, here's what on my heart currently:

Marriage/Family: We are surrounding by marriages that are falling apart, even before they even had a chance to get off the ground. We're also surrounded by marriages that are falling apart after almost 30 years. It's truly unbelievable to me, but at the same time, I have to remember that life isn't going to get better or easier as we get closer to Jesus coming back. I know that sounds super spiritual, and trust me, I'm not one to talk about end times (that's a whole other blog...), but more and more, I am reminded that the things of God will be attacked the hardest before He comes back. I can't deny that it's started. Our hearts are broken by these broken marriages, homes, families, hearts...I almost can't put it into words. I have, however, taken all of this as a sign for me to be praying the blood of Jesus over my marriage, and those around us that are holding strong. I can't imagine my life without Paul, and God knows I'm not going to lose him without a super hard fight, no matter what may come. When God orchestrates something like marriage, I believe it's harder for the enemy to fight it. God knew what He was doing when HE created marriage, and I'm not going to stop believing that now, even in the face of the Church looking as bad as (or worse than) the world.

Church: People leaving, drama, miscommunication, lack of communication, heartache, people being stretched almost too thinly (in more ways than one)...GAH. I don't know what's going to happen, but I know that God has a plan, and I'm going to try my darndest to keep faith even when other people won't. Paul and I fell in love with SHC over 2 years ago, and that love has not and will not die. Does that mean we're going to be at SHC forever? Probably not. But knowing that we are where we're supposed to be is HUGE. Being in a small church is hard, but as far as I'm concerned, we've been more rewarded by it than anything, and although the future is unclear, we are unashamed and moving forward. It's time to stop making excuses and start making progress, no matter how long it takes or how hard it is, and with God as my witness and prayer as my weapon...

New life: On a more positive note, we're so encouraged by new life, whether it's literal (as in a new baby or finding out someone is preggo), or it's spiritual (people fighting to let go of their past and to move forward with Jesus, or being saved - really saved - and giving up their lives to God). As you all know, I am a self-proclaimed control freak - I consider it my thorn. But I can't tell you how it encourages me to see other people giving up control about crap in their lives - surrender is attractive, and it's attracting me in the oddest ways. I feel like I am being pulled up out of the hole that has been my life for the past couple years, and re-embracing my life in Christ. It's a slow, hard thing, but so good. So, SOOOOO good. We're seeing it in people at church, friends near and far, the worship team (I'm smiling just thinking about that), in our marriage, our families, etc. God is so good, and He gets all the glory. Watch out...I'm about to get pentecostal in here! lol... In the midst of all the darkness, God is the light - I read about that on Sam's blog today, and it made me smile a huge smile! (Thanks for posting that, Sam!)

Coming events:

FREE massage next week - not by Lindsey, but hopefully equally as good! Thank God for gift certificates!
Winter Youth Retreat (1.30 - 2.1) - our worship team is leading worship for the kiddies at the retreat, and we are so pumped about it! :)
Friends from Ohio coming for a visit (2.20 - 2.22) - woo-hoo!
My birthday (2.24) - the big #26 lol...but I think we're going to Atlanta to see Ben Folds! YAY!

Survey time!

2008-11-24T09:54:00.000-08:00

From Meg's blog, by way of Rachel's blog, by way of Andrea's blog...

Three names you go by:
1. Lynn
2. Babe
3. Lynnaford

Three things you are wearing right now:
1. Green sweater
2. brown pants
3. Shoes

Two things you want very badly at the moment:
1. The long weekend to come faster
2. A dog!

Three people who will probably fill this out:
They already have...

Two things you did last night:
1. Ate cereal for dinner
2. Sat on my butt

Two things you ate today:
1. Banana bread muffin from my grandma
2. Moe's

Two people you last talked to on the phone:
1. The doctor
2. Paul

Two things you are going to do tomorrow:
1. Go to work
2. Go to the gym...I hope

Two longest rides you have taken:
1. From Hammond, IN to Phoenix, AZ
2. From Phoenix, AZ to New Orleans, LA

Two favorite beverages:
1. Diet Coke
2. Woodchuck hard cider

Twilight

2008-11-22T12:27:00.000-08:00

So...I'm disappointed. The movie was mediocre at best, and although I wasn't expecting it to be like the books at all, it was still very rushed, VERY cheesy in some parts, and there was a huge lack of character development. It ended leaving everything wide open for the second movie, so maybe they'll do better next time. Now these are just my opinions (and mostly the opinions of the 5 other girls I saw the movie with last night), so go see it to decide for yourselves. BTW - screw Edward (Robert Pattison) - he's not as dreamy as everyone made him out to be, and is pretty creepy in real life, along with Jasper (Jackson Rathbone)...like whoa. Emmet (Kellan Lutz - the big one on the left), on the other hand, can pretty much take me anytime (as long as he sticks to the dark hair - the blonde makes him look ridiculous), with Jacob (Taylor Lautner) as a close second (even more so when he's not jailbait).

8 things

2008-11-07T04:54:00.001-08:00

I just now realized that Rachel tagged me...duh. So two posts in one day! HA - maybe I'll keep going...

8 Favorite TV shows:
1: Anything on HGTV
2: Anything on Food Network
3: Chuck
4: How I Met Your Mother
5: The Big Band Theory
6: LA Ink (even though I don't really watch it anymore...)
7: House
8: Jon & Kate Plus 8

8 Favorite Restaurants:
1: Zoe's Kitchen
2: Olive Garden
3: Newk's
4: Logan's
5: Surin West
6: New Chinatown (Southside)
7: California Pizza Kitchen
8: Macaroni Grill

8 things that happened yesterday:
1: I woke up at 5:15 and didn't want to get out of bed (like every morning)
2: Work
3: ate leftovers of an awesome casserole I made (oh so good)
4: came home and sat on my rear
5: made quesadillas and cheesy Mexican rice for dinner
6: watched bits and pieces of different shows on TV
7: Did some laundry
8: Had fun with the hubby ;)

8 things to look forward to:
1: IT'S THE WEEKEND
2: Bama football on Satuday! We're #1!
3: Thanksgiving
4: Cruise!
5: Christmas in Chicago!
6: Getting a week and a day of vacation the week of Christmas (and the Monday after)
7: Decorating for Christmas
8: Hanging with peeps (in general)

8 things I love about fall:
1: colder weather
2: fires
3: winter clothes
4: Christmas shopping
5: STUFFING! (YES - Rachel, I knew I loved you for a reason...)
6: Changing colors outside
7: decorating the house
8: A Christmas Carol service at church

8 things on my wish list:
1: A dog!!
2: New clothes
3: New bedroom stuff
4: New sheets
5: New books/movies
6: A new fence in the back yard
7: A dog!!!
8: Losing weight

8 people I’m tagging (but honestly don’t expect to do it if they don't want to):
1: Meg
2: Andrea
3: Chris
4: Erik
5: Marie
6: Shane
7: ??
8: ??

New look AND a new post!

2008-11-07T04:34:00.000-08:00

Whoa! lol...

The new look is based on the shirt/cardigan I'm wearing today - all shades of blue. Green is by far my favorite color, but I like blue during the wintery months. Especially ice blue...sigh. It's soothing for me. And this week, I'm in need of some soothing. I dealt with a flat tire, almost losing my wedding ring (it was on my bed - Paul found it), and being bored out of my ever-loving mind. I hate feeling disconnected from people I love, so that's been a hindrance of sorts as well. I'm still on zero about the new hobby, but I'm challenged to do some research on volunteering in the Ham. We'll see. Also, Paul has been a bugger this week about having a good attitude. It seems like the times he says something about it are the times when I want to have the worst attitude possible. Ugh. Anyway...

We need to start Christmas shopping. We don't have money for it, but we need to start. I'm a bit worried that I won't get a Christmas bonus this year (yay, economy!), but even if I do, all of it needs to go towards paying off debt. I hate debt.

So I know I'm probably crazy, but I told my mother in law that I wanted to learn how to make chicken and dressing on Thanksgiving. I do want to learn how to make it (even if it will never compare to stuffing), but spending that much time with her on a holiday might drive me a bit nuts.

Sorry for the random nature of this post - it's 6:40am and I just needed to be random for a minute. Have a great day!

I need a hobby

2008-11-04T15:25:00.000-08:00

So. I decided after a hard conversation with Paul last night that I need a hobby. I'm overweight, I have health problems (apparently), and I'm bored. I'm a typical American, right? I work 40 hours/week, and then I spend the rest of my days sitting on my rear. I watch TV, work/play on the computer, cook (sometimes), and have no want or need for kids anytime soon. (We've talked about getting a dog, but we want to wait until after the first of the year because we'll be gone for a week for Christmas, and our backyard is currently void of a fence.)

I come home everyday, watch an hour of Gilmore Girls reruns (4:00-5:00), Rachael Ray's 30 minute meals (5:00-6:00), and Scrubs reruns (6:00-7:00). Then we usually watch whatever during prime time. I do laundry, and clean (sometimes), and as involved as we are in our church, we don't usually get to hang out during the week because we live kinda far away. SIGH.

What to do? Any suggestions? I've considered a lot of things, but have come up with nothing. I've thought about:

Getting a part time job - this will not work because if you work evenings, you're working until at least 9:00 or 10:00, and if I am going to keep my day job (which means getting there at 6:00am), then there's no way in hades I'm working at night.
Volunteering - this is definitely an option, but with what/whom or for whom? And how flexible would they be? Am I equipped enough to do something?
Classic hobbies - knitting, sewing, scrapbooking, cooking, etc. All sound like great options, but there's a couple issues. A) These hobbies cost money - something we don't have, especially not any extra. B) I'm usually not super coordinated. C) I get bored very easily. D) All of these hobbies still include sitting on my rear or eating. Not good.
Not-so-classic hobbies - ....can't really think of anything currently, but I'm sure more and more money would be involved, and/or far too much activity (did I mention I'm lazy?) Ugh.
Going to school for something - once again, a definite possibility, but once again, MORE MONEY. Thinking about gaining more debt kinda makes me gag a little.

And there's my dilemma. HELP!

Happy Halloween!

2008-10-31T09:15:00.001-07:00

Yaaaar Matey! A'hoy!!!

How do I...

2008-10-20T04:11:00.000-07:00

concentrate? One of my aunts (who is technically my second cousin, but we all call her our aunt) died yesterday from cancer. Paul and I will be flying up to Chicago tomorrow at some point for the services. There are just so many thoughts running through my head right now...not just about that, but about life in general, or the lack thereof. Geez...I can be ridiculously selfish sometimes. And I take life and everything I have for granted so often. And her death hasn't even really hit me yet. I guess because it happened so fast - within 6 months - that I can't truly fathom that she's gone.

The other big thing that I'm dealing with is my physical health. I don't know what's wrong, and it really could be nothing at all, but I have a lot of symptoms that I'm just not ok with. Symptoms including (but not limited to): major fatigue, heart palpatations (if that's what you could call it), soreness in a few different places, etc. Needless to say, I need to go see my doctor. Hopefully that will happen later this week when we get back from Chi-town. I hate cliches, but the one that says "when it rains, it pours" is and has always been pretty much true for me. Also, money is way sparce at the moment. I hate being sick, which I have been a lot lately, especially because if I have to take time off of work, it's without pay currently, so I've pretty much screwed us over for the next month and a half. Awesome. Right before Christmas.

This may sound silly, but it all makes me think about Luke's sermon from yesterday - if you didn't get to hear it, you need to. It stepped on my toes a little, but mostly, it was a pleading challenge to my heart...when will you have faith? When will you trust that I (God) am in control, whether you want me to be or not? When will you understand that your faith should be uncontrollable (in a good way)? When will you act out of bravado and not self-absorbtion? I know I'm hard on myself A LOT. It's a natural reaction for me. But this isn't that - it's more of a cry from God's heart to mine. And man, I am not dealing with it well. Not well at all.

However.

I'm going to focus on being thankful for a moment, so indulge me.

I'm thankful for causal day at work today and tomorrow (if I'm here). Especially because I am in a bright green hoodie today, which makes me happy.
I'm so ridiculously thankful for my husband. He makes every day worth it.
My gratitude for the friendships I have around me is unexplainable. I never thought we'd be surrounded by so many amazing friends.
Even though the reason is sad, I'm glad I get to see all of my family this week.
I'm thankful that even though money is tight, we can trust a God who has already proven his faithfulness time and time again.
I'm thankful for the roof over my head, the car(s) I'm able to drive, a job that pays me, a family that loves me, friends who know me and love me anyway, and a faith in a God who will keep me afloat.

Now, if I could just focus on work...

4 pounds and counting!

2008-10-13T04:25:00.001-07:00

WOO-HOO!!! So I'm pretty amazed at the whole Atkins thing. I've heard that this is pretty much how it works for most people, but to me, this is great. It's been a week, and I've lost a little over 4 pounds (I say a little over because I didn't weigh myself this morning, but I know I lost at least a few more ounces...)! It does suck pretty badly - I can't tell you how many times I've said out loud how much I want a piece of (or a whole) cake to whoever will listen. But so far, I've survived watching people at work eat stuff in front of me (i.e. fried chicken, shells and cheese, mashed potatoes, chicken cordon bleu (sp?), etc...and that's just one person...), and I told Paul that I wasn't going to punish him by making him eat only what I eat - he needs the carbs with as much physical work as he does. So he had pizza rolls and a PB&J for dinner last night. Which I didn't have to make for him - he's such a big boy! ;) I guess that's one plus - making dinner is not as involved as it was before - grilling a steak, throwing a salad together, steaming veggies in my wonderful PC (Pampered Chef) steamer, baking chicken...super easy. It's the carbs that are a bit more complicated - casseroles (which aren't hard, but can be time consuming), rice (I've always sucked at making rice), pasta (also not hard, unless you're doing something fun with it...and I have to do something fun with it), etc. I have had to take some Benefiber with this diet, though, because of all the cheese. LOL. And I've tried some of the Atkins stuff - their shakes and snack bars. I've been pretty surprised, actually...they're not the best tasting things in the whole world, but better than a lot of things I've tried.

The things I miss the absolute most right now are pasta and ice cream. I bought some low carb pasta sauce and the Smart Taste pasta from Ronzoni to try after the Induction phase is over. I just have to remember portion control. I'm going to start walking with one of my BFF's tomorrow (hopefully), and I'm actually semi-excited about it. I'm finally doing something just for me, and I think that's helping me to stay motivated.

Other than dieting, life is good! We had a great weekend - we hung out with wonderfully good friends, bought a new washer and dryer (which are amazing - you should come over and try them), had a great service on Sunday, and have plans for more awesome things this week. You know...God is so good. Even when we're in this stage of "growing up" and discipline, He brings joy in so many randomly beautiful ways. I just hope I can keep up the positivity.

A new blog! Whoa!

2008-10-07T17:55:00.000-07:00

I know, I know. It's bad. I am almost on the same plane as others who have thought about giving up their blogs. It's time consuming, but I think I should keep it for now. Anyway...

Here's an update:

We preached a youth retreat this past weekend for the Southern District of the C&MA. It was awesome! I think better than we had originally thought it would go. Paul and I both shared throughout the weekend, and got to really reach out to these kids. There were a bunch of leaders too, and we got to have some awesome convos. We definitely aren't called to youth ministry, but this is definitely the type of thing we would be up for again. Erik did an awesome job planning it, and Luke was such an awesome support for us. Smiles all around.
I started Atkins yesterday. It's going to be hard, but I'm finally doing something for me, and not for anyone else. We'll see how it goes. I'm not going hardcore with it, but definitely trying to cut down on my carb levels. It's gotten out of control. I made omelets tonight that about rocked my face off. It's definitely gotten me back into cooking, which is awesome.
I heart Christian Bale. Sorry, we're watching Batman Begins.
I am loathing laundry right now. I'm usually totally ok with doing it, but I'm not a fan this week.
Can you believe it's already October 7th? Geeeez.
So I stopped counseling and the behavior meds I was on. I sincerely feel like God used them for a time, and made sure I knew when that time was up. It's actually a really peaceful thing. Paul and I both feel like God has been telling us that it's time to grow up lately...not necessarily in specific areas, but in general. For me, it's more of letting go of my selfishness, and for Paul, it's more of letting go of insecurity. We're looking forward to the future, but we're not so super focused on it now. We're trying to make decisions using wisdom...decision that will affect our future, whether short term or long term. It's kinda exciting.
One of those decisions is to get a dog in the not-so-distant-future. No, we're not using it as practice for a kid. The Benz's may have influenced us a tad, though... ;)
I'm so pumped about what God is doing around us right now. New things going on at church, new relationships being built, new gifts being searched out, new peace about the crappy things in life (aka my job), etc. God is soooo good, dude!

Yay for a blog! YAAAAY!

YAY!

2008-09-12T10:18:00.000-07:00

On a FAR more positive note...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RACHEL!!!!

We love you!

:)

Broken

2008-09-11T14:01:00.001-07:00

I should have known that there was something wrong with me when I didn't create ANY to do lists this week or last. I should have known that something was coming...and yet, I was blind. But God has taken up most of my thoughts these two weeks, which admittedly is not a lot in comparison to the rest of my life. I just find myself broken today. There are times when I feel like a loser (like yesterday, for instance), times when I'm down on my physical self, times when I cry a lot for no reason, etc. But today, it's truly brokenness. And that's hard. I guess you come to the point at times where you realize how truly selfishly motivated you are. How hypocritical you are. How lost you are. The point where you don't think you have any more tears, and then a fresh batch pours from your eyes without control. (FYI, it sucks when that's happening at work.) And even though it may be ironic and selfish, I find it appropriate that I feel like this on 9/11.

I've been in counseling for a while now, and have been on anti-depression meds as well. But I don't think it/they are helping. All I feel is anxiety - this all-consuming, painful, paranoid anxiety. It keeps me from moving sometimes. So does fear. Fear that I'm going to seriously screw up my life. Fear that I'm not going to be what I need to be to Paul as a wife, or to my future children as a mom. Fear that I will be in a place I hate forever. Fear of trusting, loving, breaking. Fear of giving up all that you know to have that true faith in a Savior who has done more for me than anyone ever has or ever will. That faith you read about. That people are willing to write about because it is that influential. A faith that isn't consumed by the day-to-day. Faith that spits in the face of fear, not out of superiority or pride, but because it knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that He's bigger. I sing about it on Sunday mornings. I preach about it to the Church. I pray it in the prayers I pray, even if it's in just a whisper. I even have it tattooed on my body. But do I really know it? Do I fully trust that God is everything He says He is? I don't have that kind of faith.

There are plenty of times where I'm hard on myself for no reason - where I'm being self-critical, which is not healthy. And this may look (and feel) like one of those times, but it's not. I think it's me seeing even more of what God has been trying to show me for the past 6 months or so. My being overwhelmed and stressed is not a challenge for Him. It's what He wants me to give Him. To hand it over...to cast it on Him because of His kindness towards me.

And that's it. I'm out of words. But there's a quote that keeps pressing it's way onto the hurting parts of my heart, and the tired parts of my head. God, make this so in me:

"I believe in the sun, even when it's not shining. I believe in love, even when I don't feel it. I believe in God even when He is silent."

Monday Monday

2008-08-25T09:15:00.000-07:00

So Shana and I are in the same boat - we have lost the blogging fever. It's kinda sad, actually. I thoroughly enjoy reading other blogs, but seem to find no time to update my own. Well, here's a list to get me going:

I have had a very rude yet needed awakening over the past couple weeks. Let's just say I was punked by my supervisor at work, and it has filtered into the rest of my life. I'm trying to rid myself of the negativity that I am so prone to feeling, and although it's tough, I know it's a process, so I'm going to keep moving forward.
I haven't said it in a minute, so I'll say it now - I LOVE our church. Each person has their own place there, and even when you feel disconnected (which I have here lately), it only takes one service or one meeting or one dinner to make everything better. I wish I could hang out with everyone all week long...ah, if we only lived closer.
Luke has been preaching on a sermon series about personal spiritual formation over the past couple weeks. The sermon yesterday spoke about how we are and should be conforming to the image of Christ, and not the images we have contrived for ourselves, but the true, biblical image of the Son of God. It was really powerful. It's yet another reminder that I am and will never acheive perfect in this life, so I have to stop expecting it of myself.
God has really been convicting me of my speech lately. I understand the legalism behind all of it, and I think I've steered far enough to the other extreme. It's time to start catching those bad words before they come out of my mouth. Our women's group meeting last night really hit this home for me - we were discussing the attribute of being virtuous (from the Proverbs 31 woman), and I realized that my speech is no where near that. I know that even this is a process, but it's been a sucker punch to the face everytime I think about.
I had a very ironicly (sp?) cool Jesus moment last week. In response to all of the stuff going on at work, I decided that posting some positive things around my cubicle would be a good start. Shana had reminded me of a verse about not complaining, and I decided to look it up and put it on my computer screen so I would see it every day. When Bible Gateway pulled up the reference, I about fell out of my seat. The reference is Philippians 2:14-16, which just so happens to be tattooed on my left ankle. I, of course, remember the portion about shining like stars, but have since forgotten the beginning of the passage. I laughed out loud at God's sense of irony and humor. Talk about your visual reminders.
My excitement about the coming weekend waned today because there are supposed to be thunderstorms covering Destin, FL the whole time we're staying there. As much as I hate the beach part of the beach (the sand especially), it's still going to be very sad if it ends up raining the whole time. :( Hopefully it will be a good bonding experience for Paul's family, and I know there will be some good food and shopping involved, so it may turn out ok. AND I bought a couple bathing suit pieces that actually fit well. Thank you, Target!
My excitement for the next weekend, however, has only grown since we bought our tickets to see Ben Folds play live with the Nashville Symphony. We're staying overnight and took that Monday off. I'm super pumped about this event, but even more because I will have three 4-day weeks in a row. YAY!
Can you believe September is upon us? I think it's crazy that this year is flying by so quickly. Paul and I will be married 3 years on September 24th (hence the trip to Nashville), and although I'm excited about it, it feels like the time has flown...like we should be married longer than 3 years already. Sigh.
I think I'm seriously going to start school in either January or next August. More to come on that front...
And a new tattoo is inevitable before the end of the year. Boo-yah.

Hope all is well in the rest of the blogging world...drop a comment and say hi!

Sigh

2008-08-08T15:05:00.000-07:00

(Eh...just because I like the stars, or asterisks, as they may be...love you Meg!)

I feel like a loser because I don't blog anywhere near as much as I should - it's at least minimally theraputic for me. I'm just lazy. This week (well, since my last post) has been super hectic, including almost 8 hours of overtime at work. I know what you're thinking...what the heck are you doing working OT at a job you already hate? Well, let's put it this way - we have a beach trip and a trip to Nashville coming up, both in September, and the extra money will come right at that moment. It's out of necessity, I keep telling myself. And it hasn't been anywhere near as bad as it could have been - I was in our card room 90% of the time, so I didn't have to be near (specific) coworkers, nor did I have to be on the phones dealing with stupid customers. And we got everything accomplished - I needed to feel like I accomplished something this week. I'm working tomorrow too, but it won't be as bad as normal - I can wear regular clothes, we're not on the phones, we can play music, etc. I just keep thinking about the extra money...

Speaking of the beach, I ordered some bathing suit stuff yesterday from Target. They're different tankini-ish pieces (and a cover-up dress thing), but because Target's sizes are weird, I had to order a couple different kinds. I hate bathing suits with an ungodly passion, but the one I have currently has a ripped lining, and is ridiculously faded (probably because it's over 2 years old. HA.) I'm attempting to be ok with myself and how I look in a bathing suit before August 30th...lol...we'll see what happens.

I really can't believe it's August 8th already. I don't really remember July at all, and you can forget asking me about June. Everything is seemingly good right now...I'm trying to not expect the inevitable, but it's hard for me. Paul is preaching this weekend at Dega, so we won't be at SHC this Sunday...I'm kinda sad about it. :( Also, we're speaking at the C&MA District Youth Retreat in October. Once again, we'll see what happens.

I'm at the point where I'm revising my to-do list each week...does that make me OCD? Probably. And what sucks is that I have the same few things on there every week - they're not super important, but need to be done. And we need two computers at home - with Paul now being in leadership at church and about to start school again for the fall, and with me being the "communications-something-or-other" for church and trying to create, start and maintain a budget for home, this one laptop thing is killer. I think we're going to look into a desktop...

There's so much I could write about right now, but I'm just trying to make it through the next 40 minutes, so I'm going to sign off. Love to all!

Friday Survey...thanks Rach

2008-07-25T14:48:00.000-07:00

Would it hurt seeing someone make out with your ex?
I won't ever see that, in the name of Jesus...

How did you wake up this morning?
Paul getting out of bed to go to the gym.

Do you drink regular or diet sodas?
Diet. But I try not to drink them a lot...they make you bloated!

Where is the biggest scar on your body?
Stomach - gall bladder removal

Would you marry someone you didn't love if paid 10 thousand dollars?
That's not a lot of money... so no.

Do you like cats?
Nope - they're pretty much evil.

Does everyone deserve a second chance?
It depends...

Last time you had pizza?
Tuesday @ Newk's...SO good!

Does the last person who put their arms around you mean anything to you?
He sure does ;)

Honestly, how many people have you completely fallen for in your life?
Well, there's a couple...but Jesus and Paul have taken the cake in that area.

Do you like the smell of gasoline?
No. Ugh.

Do you have any obsessions right now?
To-do lists, working on the house, creating a budget, etc...do I need to keep going?

Have you talked to a complete a**hole today?
Not today...this week, but not today...

Do you regret something you did yesterday?
Hmm...not that I can think of...probably making spaghetti for dinner. I eat too much every time.

Do/did you do good in school?
I did well. I may try it again here soon.

Last text from?
Meg.

What are your plans for this weekend?
Dinner with some peeps tonight, getting my hair did tomorrow, some shopping (some good, some necessary), possibly a show in Southside Sat. night, church on Sunday...and whatever else happens inbetween.

Do you get distracted easily?
Sometimes, yes. But it usually gets on my nerves when people are uber-distracted, so I try to pay as much attention as possible.

Do you love someone at the moment?
I love lots of someones right now.

Have you had braces?
Yes, and they sucked, and my teeth are worse now.

Single or taken?
I'm taken. Completely.

What should you be doing right now?
Working...*sigh*.

Explain why you last threw up?
Cheap alcohol + Super Bowl snack food = bathroom till 2am.

How's this week been?
Tedious...but only at work. Everything else has been fine.

Do you miss someone?
Yep - my sister! Cause I just got one in May...

Do you think you can last in a relationship for three months?
I tried that already - I like lifetime better.

Will you be in a relationship in 2 weeks?
I certainly hope so.

Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos?
YES...I have numerous ideas...

Where are you going to be at 4pm tomorrow?
Don't really know...hopefully at home.

Can you get jealous?
Most certainly.

Favorite color(s)?
Green, brown

Favorite fruit?
Strawberries and blueberries

Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you they liked you?
Sure...

Do you drink bottled water?
Yes, but I'm trying to cut back...you know, the environment and all...

Tears are falling from your eyes, what's the reason?
Probably Jesus

How many hours did you sleep for last night?
9ish

Have you ever in any way been betrayed by someone you trust?
Of course.

Are you a morning person or a night person?
Eh...it depends on how much sleep I get.

Do you trust all of your friends?
All of my close friends, yes. Aquaintances, maybe not.

God loves me too much to leave me the way I am

2008-07-16T13:09:00.000-07:00

So...this has been a hard week, and it's only Wednesday. I have spent the last two days going through a whole range of emotions, and attempting to understand why God allows things to happen certain ways. I've been crying out for some sort of answer to all of this, and have felt as if God is silent. But I realized something today...partially because of what Meg posted today. I read these words from Beth Moore's story:

"I learned something about God that day. He knows if you're exhausted, you're hungry, you're serving in the wrong place or it is time to move on but you feel too responsible to budge. He knows if you're hurting or feeling rejected. He knows if you're sick or drowning under a wave of temptation. Or He knows if you just need your hair brushed. He sees you as an individual. Tell Him your need!" (emphasis mine)

Dang.

And as I sat here in my cubicle, shedding tears for the millionth time in four days, I just had to thank God for everything... For not getting the job. For healing Dave (YESSSS!!!!). For giving me a husband who is not only supportive of me, but petitions Him on my behalf. And regardless of how I may feel, I have to remember (with whatever amount of logic I can muster) that God is FAITHFUL. I have repeated that so many times this week, and yet, it has hit me anew just now. I know He will provide, whether it be with a new job, extra money for our bills, amazingly Spirit-filled experiences at church, awesome friends, families that love us, etc. etc. etc.

And I'm thankful that He gives us time to get over ourselves. :)

Well...

2008-07-14T14:33:00.000-07:00

In case you didn't get the email, I didn't get the job. :(

Blargh

2008-07-10T14:26:00.000-07:00

I'm right there with you, Rach. Me and blogging haven't been friends as of late, and I don't even know why. I guess it's mainly because I have a ton of stuff going on, and blogging is by far my last priority. But I enjoy it...*sigh*.

So this has already been a super long week, and it's only Thursday. I love the fact that my brother (Jim) and his youth group are in town, but it's kinda taking over our week. Because it's a good thing, I'm trying really hard not to get stressed out about it, but it's not working very well. I was awake for more than 17 hours yesterday. Seriously? *Sigh AGAIN*. And the weekend is going to be pretty much the same. Although, it's filled with good things, so once again, I'm trying. Last night was actually really great. Paul and I got to have dinner with the group at Jim 'N Nick's in Southside, and we got to see my brother in his element. We had "group time" after dinner where he was asking them about their expectations - of the trip, of themselves, of God, etc. All of the kids participated, and you can tell that some of them are really thinking about things. After we got to pray for them, Jim told them to say goodbye to us, and a whole group of girls came over to hug me. (Sniff, sniff...) I dislike highschoolers because they're stupid, but this was awesome.

Tomorrow I'm working 6-3, and then going to Sam's Club to shop for food. Have I mentioned yet that I'm feeding 20 or more people on Sunday? Yeah. That's a lot of food. And then we're getting up early on Saturday to go white water (is that supposed to be one word?) rafting with the kiddies. That will be an all-day adventure as well. Then a packed out church service on Sunday, and lunch. It's going to be good, but I may just pass out on Sunday night. You can just imagine what my to-do list looks like this week...lol...

Anyway - random bits - I still haven't heard anything about the job (hopefully either tomorrow or Monday); Paramore is an amazing band and they write amazing songs, and I cannot get them out of my head; I miss my girls!; pray for the Lain's!

#75!

2008-07-03T05:42:00.000-07:00

I'm such a loser for being excited about 75 posts, but whatever. It's just a new list, kiddos...nothing too exciting. :)

I realized yesterday that I like bullets way better than numbers.
I interviewed for a new position at my company yesterday. If it happens, it would be, like, super good. We may find out by the end of next week, or the beginning of the following week. We'll see...
Paul was gone last night for the men's prayer retreat, and although I'm happy that he's there, I'm not happy because I didn't sleep well at all. *Sigh* I guess that's what happens when you're so used to having someone else in bed with you.
I'm so thankful that today is the last work day this week. Props to the men who fought for our independence! We thank you!
The addiction has caught up with me again...needing another tattoo...
I'm actually getting my hair dyed tomorrow. And cut. Both by Lindsie. It has been way too long, and although I'm not getting anything funky done, it's still going to be better than doing it myself out of a box. I miss having fun hair... :(
I'm seriously considering going to school...online, but still, it's school. It's kinda scary to think about, but I feel like it's something I need to do, even if it's just for an associate's degree in something. Am I weird for that?
Speaking of school, Paul seriously only has about a year left. 7 classes. Do you know how amazing this is? He's literally been working on a bachelor's degree since 1999...I think. And now he'll have it in something he truly enjoys, and that will get him somewhere eventually - a degree in Christian Ministry. It's about as vague as you can get, so it works for us. Lol...
I preached at our church two Sundays ago. You can hear it here if you would like to. I'm actually kinda proud of it because I really spoke from my heart, and not just because Dave titled it that. LOL.
My brother is bringing his youth group down to the good ol' south on Saturday. They'll be in Nashville Sat. overnight to Sun., and will then drive to the Ham. They'll be here all week working with a group called Mission Serve, and we will get to hang out with them a bit, including white water rafting on the Ocoee next Sat. Should be interesting. They'll also be at church on the 13th.

Alrighty kids, I think that's good for now. Must get into the shower and head to my super awesome job. *Sigh*

God's will

2008-06-25T17:01:00.000-07:00

Ever wonder about God's will? I do. A lot. Especially when I'm crying out, or screaming in anger, or weeping for someone else...when I'm emotionally involved in life, and I don't know why in the world certain things happen. I question it all the time. Maybe that makes me unfaithful, but I believe God is ok with our doubts - the Truth isn't scared, ya know? I just know that right now, in my heart of hearts, the only thing I want in this life is God's will for it. Now, this causes me to fear what may come because sometimes, I suck at making decisions, and I fail those I love. This causes me to worry because I'm human, and that's the one area where God doesn't have full control. This causes me to be (minimally) excited because I know there is a prospect (or there are prospects) of change and new and different in the future. I read something today about taking risks. The author spoke of the parable of the talents mentioned in Matthew 25:14-28 and how the third, wicked servant was treated. He buried his talent instead of taking a risk, and he was thrown out of his master's house into darkness. The author than expounded to say that we are like the wicked servant if we're not using the talents God gave us, etc. Now, I know that's a bit of an extreme, but that's exactly how I've been feeling lately. It's so hard for me to think about the possibility of never using my true talents in my job...and yet, here I stand.

God, I want YOUR will, not mine. I believe, but help my unbelief. I need you...

I'm weak

2008-06-10T15:30:00.001-07:00

I couldn't think of a better title...but it is true. Anyway...I figured there should be an update. I have a few pretty major (well, major to me) prayer requests:

The doctors in Chicago seem to think that my grandma may have Alzheimer's. She hasn't completed all of the tests yet, and to think about that subject truly makes me sad, so we're just praying right now. We're not sure of her salvation either, so that makes this even heavier. She's just really...spacey, for lack of a better term. It's hard for her to complete sentences if she's even remotely distracted, she doesn't sleep very well, she forgets things pretty frequently, and when in a group setting (family parties, mostly) she just sits there, not talking to anyone. Being in Chicago for my brother's wedding was a joyous time, but so sad.
My mom's cousin has cancer. I think I blogged about this before, but either way, it's hard. As far as I know, she's doing chemo and radiation every week - the doctors said that because the cancer is so aggressive, they need to be. I haven't gotten an update lately...I need to call my mom.
Hard times at AutoTec. I couldn't post about this until today for privacy reasons, but on Friday, we found out that our company is stopping the Membership project. I've blogged about this before - it was a campaign to charge every representative/dealership in our system a fee to lessen the fees to our customers, the auctions. Well, the biggest auction group in the country (Manheim) pulled out. Because of this, we couldn't possibly ask the other auctions groups in the country to keep pressing the fees. Of course, this causes me to worry for a few reasons: 1) the raises that were promised at the beginning of this thing are going to be a lot harder to come by (I'm not saying impossible, but you know...) and 2) the extra job positions that they were going to create were specifically for the Membership project stuff. This is the main reason I was staying here - I was told that I was first up to move to a different position once the initial push of the campaign was done. However, now, I'm not so sure what the heck is going to happen. I'm not leaving any time soon, because I think that would be a really crappy thing to do to the company right after getting kicked in the preverbial face, but I may be updating my resume, just in case.
I have zero motivation to do anything. The gym is pretty much out, along with WW. I sleep a lot, and the rest of the time, I feel tired. The migraines are still around. I try to get up and pray in the mornings, especially because I feel like a total loser not going to the gym, so I figure I should be doing something productive. But that only lasts for so long and then I'm playing on my computer. I have to preach in a week and a half, and although I know the scripture passages that I'm preaching out of, I don't feel anywhere near prepared. I'm excited about the women's ministry starting up at our church, but I feel oddly disconnected from it currently. I'm so happy that one of the guys on the worship team has stepped up to be our leader, but I'm not praying for him like I should be. I keep telling myself that it's just me, but I truly believe that the enemy has something to do with all of it. UGH.
I'm trying to figure out my stance on alcohol (Paul seems pretty set on it, I guess) and it's hard. I'm in the middle of a teaching by Mark Driscoll about it, and he's all for drinking biblically - not getting drunk, etc. And I'm for that too. I'm just afraid I don't know my boundaries anymore...

So anyway, these are just a few of the things that weigh on me pretty much everyday. I would totally appreciate your prayers!

On a more positive note, a few things: our yard sale last Saturday was AWESOME! We made over $200. I got to eat lunch with one of the most awesome people in my life today. Erik is coming out to H-town on Friday for dinner - we'll be discussing the possibility of Paul and/or me preaching to his youth kids this month. And I FINALLY purchased what will be my new favorite shirt - it should be here in a few days. Also, we started on the new closet organizer for the new office closet, and soon, we'll have our new desk put together. :) You always have to look for the positives!

Psalm 16

2008-06-05T13:21:00.000-07:00

This is giving me strength today...

Psalm 16 (NIV)
1 Keep me safe, O God, for in you I take refuge.
2 I said to the LORD, "You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing."
3 As for the saints who are in the land, they are the glorious ones in whom is all my delight.
4 The sorrows of those will increase who run after other gods. I will not pour out their libations of blood or take up their names on my lips.
5 LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure.
6 The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance. 7 I will praise the LORD, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me.
8 I have set the LORD always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.
9 Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure,
10 because you will not abandon me to the grave, nor will you let your Holy One see decay.
11 You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

Update

2008-05-28T14:33:00.001-07:00

Projectstupiddress: accomplished and done with (thank God). It zipped, and although my psycho mom basically told a ton of people at home about the issue, and ALL of them HAD to come up to me on Sunday and tell me how GREAT the dress looked, I still pretty much hated it. Oh well...maybe it will make some girl at the YWCA super happy.
Brother's wedding: ridiculously extravagent, but nice. It's kinda hard for me not to be jealous of them - the parents spent around $30,000 on their wedding, they got almost $17,000 back in gifts/money (probably more), and now they're in Hawaii for 8 days. Hard...very hard...
Being with the fam: busy and crazy, but priceless. I wish we were closer, but you know...every time we go to Chicago now, God reveals something new to me. The last time we went (around Christmas) I realized that I am a pure-bred Yankee, no question. However, this time, it was as if God confirmed our being in AL...that I don't have to base my whole person on being from the north. I know I wouldn't want to be dealing with their cost of living, the gas (it's around $4.20/gallon or so), the traffic (although that's bad just about anywhere), and the craziness of my family. They're great, but they're crazy. God is good...He knows what we need before we need it.
Migraines: so not cool! I have been dealing with them just about everyday for the last week or so, and I am not happy about it. The few I had at home made me nausious. Ugh.
Selling the truck: I don't know when it will happen, but it will. The gas prices are killing us. I wish I could get something even more efficient than my Mazda...
Preaching in June: yes, I will be preaching on June 22 as part of the Reach, Connect, Send sermon series. I'm pretty sure it's a Connect sermon - it should be interesting.
Counseling: I had my second appt. yesterday morning, and it was great. She wants me to go to some anger management education classes, and she said we need to work on some [appropriate] assertive skills. We talked about the possibility of me going to school for something, my skills, talents, etc. It was productive (for the most part) and I'm excited for my next meeting - June 19th.

Well, for not being in the mood to blog, I guess this is pretty good! ;)

A List on MY Friday

2008-05-21T13:43:00.000-07:00

Yes, today is my Friday. And it's wonderful. The day has gone by kind of slowly, but I don't have to be here tomorrow OR Friday, so really...I'm ok with it. Plus, I'm in our card room for probably close to the remainder of the day. Sigh...sometimes work is good.

Anyway, here's the list:

DO NOT eat the Flatbread Melts from Arby's. They are HORRIBLE for you. If any of you know what the points values are like in Weight Watchers, one of them is 14 POINTS. Ugh...and I ate one yesterday without knowing. Not smart.
However, if you do happen to go to 5 Points Grill in Southside, their grilled quesadilla is AWESOME. Probably not all that good for you, but still REALLY good.
My good buddy Hannah and I went to Sips N' Strokes last night. It was SO much fun! Except for the adult-turned-highschoolers sitting behind us. Oh well. We painted a picture called "Circles", and Paul and I plan on hanging mine up in our new office (once it's finished, that is). Mine doesn't look much like the picture, really, but I wanted you all to have a point of reference.
Project stupiddress is in full swing - I lost two pounds last week, and I can tell I've lost some inches. Pray to the Lord Almighty that this thing fits me tomorrow when I go for my fitting. And also pray that I keep this up even after the dress is over and done with.
I'm still kinda shocked that my little brother is getting married. He's not really little, per se, and he's only two years younger than me. He's actually a year older than I was when I got married. I don't know...I guess it's just the culmination of the last 5.5 years that's just so...awe-inspiring. Kari is already a part of our family in all aspects, but this makes it official. I guess this is how people felt when Paul and I got married. I know I'll probably be balling on Sunday just like Jim was balling a couple years ago... ;)
I'm not looking forward to leaving my house by 5:15 AM tomorrow morning. I'm yawning just thinking about it.
We're so going to miss being at church on Sunday! A bunch of people were out this past week, and I wanted to make fun of the burns on the beach ladies...lol... But seriously, I really wish we could be in two places at once.
We saw Prince Caspian on Sunday - it was so good. Up to par with the first movie, actually. I really need to read the books...maybe that would be good plane reading. They're just sitting on one of our bookcases, staring at me...
So as much as my mind has been on Project stupiddress as of late, I'm also really excited because we're having a huge yard sale at the house on June 7th. We have a ton of stuff to sell, so I'm hoping to make some extra cash. Mama needs a new rug for the new office! Our neighbors (and some of the bestest friends ever) will be helping us - Chris will be making homemade cookies, so come on out to H-town!
Paul said something so cheesy yesterday, but it's so true - he said that he loves how when he falls deeper in love with Jesus, he falls deeper in love with me, and visa versa. I think that's such an awesome thought...it definitely puts marriage into perspective, and gives me an even better (if still minute) understanding of what the Marriage is going to be like...
Dude...I can't tell you how excited I am that the women's ministry at SHC is almost up and running! Shana did an amazing job on our bookmarks (PROPS!) and I can't wait to see who my "Barnabas Buddy" will be. LOL...we definitely need to change the name...

OK...I guess that's enough for now. I should be doing work...eh, whatever... Hope everyone has a great Memorial Day!!!

Can you believe it's already May 12th?!?

2008-05-12T14:59:00.000-07:00

I don't know why, but lately, I'm amazed at truly how fast time flies. I mean, I feel like I was just celebrating Christmas! I'm weird, I guess. Anyway, this weekend was oh so good. Paul and I got to have a date on Friday night (the first time in forever). We ate Moe's and saw Iron Man. It was decent...a lot of build up, and there will most definitely be a sequel, but it was good. Saturday was the gym, NOT getting my wedding rings back (ugh...another story for another day), a Wal-Mart run (not so much fun on a Saturday), making pasta salad, and getting to La Casa de Benz late. Sorry ladies! But girl's night was a success, I believe. Megan was an awesome host, and I think WE ALL realized that we're not the only weirdos around here... ;)

Sunday was weird, but ok. Church was good - I believe Luke preached what God was telling him to preach. It definitely hit me and Paul. Mother's day was dumb...I love Paul's parents, but his brother gets on my every last nerve. He keeps talking about the girl he's basically living with as if their relationship is just as good as Paul or Keith's marriages. NOT SO, SIR. Regardless of how much you may "love" or care about her, you're still not married, so it's still not a good thing. Especially to talk about in detail in front of your parents. You're dumb. I did get to eat steak though... :)

Well, I started this blog earlier today, and am just now finishing it (at 8:55pm). I'm smelling the wonderful odor of varnish on our hardwood floors (first coat - second and last will be tomorrow!), and our neighbor even ate dinner with us. Good times. I got some laundry done, the kitchen (kinda) clean, and this smell isn't anywhere near as bad as I thought it would be.

Update on the godforsakenbridesmaid'sdress...I am shipping it priority mail to my mother tomorrow and her tailor is going to try her darndest to take it out. She's worked with dresses of this (horrific) nature before, and there really aren't any specific instructions - rip the thing apart if you have to, but take it out as much as humanly possible. Also, I won't have to worry about packing it, getting it all wrinkled, and then rushing around to get it steamed or pressed when we get to Chi-town next week. Sigh. I guess I feel better about it...we'll see what happens. Wow...my brother gets married in 13 days. Trippy.

OK...Paul is giving me dirty looks for being on the computer so much. Peace out kiddies!

I'm in a mood today

2008-05-07T09:44:00.000-07:00

The day didn't start out well. First, I hate miscommunication. Like, getting back into bed with me this morning and making me want to fall back asleep when your true M.O. is to get me to go to the gym (Paul). Second, the gym is hard. And I don't like it. And I REALLY like sleep, ok? Third, knowing I'm in a bad mood, I take everything out on Paul like an idiot. Then attempt to call and apologize and we're back to the miscommunication. UGH. We haven't spent anywhere near as much time together this week as we usually do, and I think it's affecting me.

Fourth, my work days are long. Really long, this week especially. I'm doing someone else's work instead of my own, and although I really enjoy this stuff a whole LOT more, I have a feeling I'm going to get reemed by my customers soon. I hate being in that position. HATE IT. Fifth, I found out last night that my mom's cousin (so, technically my second cousin?) has cancer. They did surgery yesterday to remove what they thought was a silver dollar-sized mass, but when they got into it, it was softball-sized. We don't know any details yet, but they said they're sure they got 99% of it. Really?? I hate it when they (the doctors) say stuff like that, even though I understand that sometimes, that's all they can say. Sigh. Hopefully we'll know what's going on within the next week. But it makes me so sad, and angry - I hate cancer - it's one of the ugliest weapons the enemy has. Sixth, I looked at the godforsakenbridesmaid'sdress this morning, and cried. I'm running out of options and time, and I'm super stressed out about it.

Ok, no more complaining. God is good, and He knows everything that's going on right now. Jesus, help me to be more like you.

Updates

2008-05-05T13:23:00.000-07:00

Well, the DW & Sandra show was awesome last night. If you're a friend of mine on MySpace, you can see some pics. If not, too bad. ;) I might have to do a picture post here soon anyway. Our weekend otherwise was pretty good, I guess. Friday night was interesting - I'll give you details in person if you want them. Saturday was a pretty lazy day (which is what Paul and I both needed). We hung out with friends Sat. night and got some New Chinatown (soooo good - right, Rachel?) Sunday was a bit of a sad day, and once again, if you want details, I'll tell you in person. DW always has a way of making me feel better, though! And we got to hang out with our "concert buddy" Erik. (We told him that we're going to have to hang out next time without going to a show...)

We're hoping to have the hardwood floors done this weekend. Paul (my awesome yet procrastination extraordinare hubby) has still not talked with our neighbor - the one we're paying to refinish the floors. Like I told him yesterday - I understand the man doesn't have a full time job (or part time, for that matter), but that doesn't mean we should only be giving him a few days notice. And look - we're only giving him a few days notice (and that's if Paul talks to him today or tomorrow). Sigh...we'll see what happens. This is really the best weekend for us, so let's pray it's a good weekend for Dave. (Please, Jesus?)

I can't even tell you how excited I am about girl's night. This week is going to be a long one (doesn't it suck when you can already tell - and it's only Monday???) so I can't wait to have some good girl time. And I have no doubt that the Casa de Benz will be a fine establishment to stay in that night! I'm just really thankful for good friends - people who are real with me, and I can be real with them. People who love Jesus and push me to love Him more. People who let me vent about stupid stuff, and don't have to say anything in return because they know I'm only venting. I don't have a ton of these people in my life, but if you're one of them (and you know who you are) just know I'm super thankful for you.

And I'm still freaking out about this stupid bridesmaid's dress - anyone know a great way to lose two dress sizes in three weeks? I'm willing to do anything short of starving myself. I'm doing WW, and that's helping, but it's not going fast enough (for right now - typically, this pace of weight loss would be totally acceptable). I don't want to do anything stupid or rash, but if you know of a specific diet (like, giving up or eating specific things) that has WORKED, please let me know! Thanks!

Things I'm currently excited about

2008-04-29T14:07:00.001-07:00

I know, it's another list, but admit it - you love 'em!

Hardwood floors - In case you haven't heard our testimony from this past weekend, here you go. Paul and I went to see Rent in ATL this past weekend (and it was awesome). Well, on Saturday, we checked out of our hotel and went to Ikea (if you don't know what Ikea is, seriously, click on the link). Anyway, we found a desk. Not just a desk, but a desk connected to a cube book shelf (if you know us at all, this is awesome, and yes, it's actually more than $50.) After an almost-fiasco of loading it into the car (I ended up being chauffeured home), we decided that if we're going to actually set it up, we need to rip up the carpet in the office and lay down some (fake) hardwood laminate flooring. We run to Home Depot, pay almost $400 to re-do the floor and closet in the office, and come home. We start by clearing the room and ripping out the carpet in the closet, only to find some naaaasty, old skool laminate (we're talking dark brown with weird shapes) underneath. Of course, we're thinking, "This is going to be greeeaat..." We start pulling the rest of the carpet only to find - YES - the ORIGINAL hardwood floors!! Boo! Yah! Our house was built in 1948, so we seriously thought there would be plywood or something under there because we never pulled up more than a little corner of this carpet. But wait...there's more. We start pulling the carpet out of the hallway - and yes, they're there too. THEN we pull up a full corner in the last bedroom, and yes, there too! WOO-HOO!! A) This will save us a ton of money; B) we are going to try to use this as a ministry opportunity with our neighbor; C) this will add a TON of value to the house. It's going to be a lot of work, and my house is insane right now, but it will be totally worth it.
Organization - Because of #1, my house is, as I said, insane right now. All of the stuff from that bedroom is strewn about the rest of the house. However, I am turning this into a positive by making it a HUGE organization project. We are planning on doing a yard sale, so some of the stuff will go to that. We also donate stuff to one of our local thrift stores, so they'll be getting some good stuff. I have a ton of ideas as to what to do with the rest of it - scrap books, picture frames, storage in the attic (ha), etc. It's gonna be great.
Counseling (I officially started with a counselor today, not the psychiatrist) - It was great. The woman I'm working with is going to be really good for me.
Bible study - I believe Maxwell is talking about healing this Thursday. It's one of those subjects close to my heart because of things God has healed me from. I'm just glad I'm involved with this particular group - we all want to go deeper, and we're real with each other. That's how Bible study is supposed to be! Even if we move to talking about how bad the Emergent church is (hehehe...)
Derek Webb & Sandra McCracken THIS SUNDAY NIGHT - Workplay, 8:00pm, be there or be square. If you've ever talked to Paul or me, you've heard a Derek Webb quote. He's just that good.
Girl's Night - May 10, The Barn, 6:00pm. Need I say more??
My brother's wedding - Yes, I have had a panic attack about the bridesmaid's dress I have to wear, but I'm still pumped about my brother getting married. His future wifey, Kari, is one of my favorite people ever, and I'm so excited that she's going to "officially" be part of the family (they've been dating for like, 10 years (read 4) so she's already a part of the family). Plus, as an added bonus, I'll be away from work for a couple days. YESSS.

I guess I'll stop at 7. :) What are you excited about right now?

Lists, Lists, Lists

2008-04-21T14:15:00.000-07:00

I haven't done a random list in a while, so enjoy:

*We took Erik Pasco to see Switchfoot yesterday in Hunts-vegas, and I must say, it has to be the best rock show I've been to...maybe over all. I've seen a lot of shows, but this was high energy, meaningful, honest and sooo good. It definitely confirmed my love for the band. AND I got to hear Jamie (the founder of TWLOHA) speak before Switchfoot performed. Yeah...I cried. I can't help it - when people I don't know speak my heart, it moves me.

*I love our church. I know I've said this a billion-trillion times, but we (Paul & I) have recently had a resurgence of love for our little part in God's family. Sigh.

*I get to see DW and his wife-y on May 4th @ Workplay. Want to come??

*I worked 8 hours of overtime last week. It was tough, but worth it. I even came in on Saturday! It was actually the most fun I've ever had at this job...like THAT is hard to believe.

*WE GET TO SEE RENT THIS WEEKEND!!!! YAY!!!! AND I get to leave work early on Friday to go to Atlanta. Boo. Yah.

*I decided to go back on Weight Watchers last week. I basically had an emotional breakdown about the bridesmaid's dress I have to wear in May for my brother's wedding, so I made the decision. It's been good, and I lost three pounds last week. :)

*Paul is itching to do landscaping for the house. We've had so much to do on the weekends, and we'll finally have some time in May. He's uber-excited. He even drew up some "plans" today, and wrote down some places we need to check out. He's a nerd.

*I finally got a Gmail email address. It's ok.

*Special K2O Protein Water is really good, and the whole bottle (16 oz) is free in points! It's definitely a good find.

*I hate my cell phone. It likes to turn off randomly, even if the battery is fully charged. I'm awaiting my upgrade...c'mon July! I think I might put a bit of extra $$ into it to get something good...we'll see.

*For those of you who pray, please send up some love for me about my job. I'm praying about some decisions, and I really want God's guidance on it. Gracias!

*I want to buy this t-shirt, but I'm really battling paying $20 for it. I keep asking myself if it's worth it, and everything in me screams, "YES!" But I dunno.

*My tattoo addiction is kicking in...it's been a couple months...

*Girl's Night - MAY 10! :)

Ok, I guess that's enough for now. More later...

My story

2008-04-15T09:44:00.000-07:00

So, I have been thoroughly inspired to write out my salvation story by reading the amazing posts on the blogs of Meg & Rachel. Here goes:

I was raised in a Lutheran church with an unsaved mom who had been through hell and back. She lost her first husband (my dad) when I was four and my brother was two. She was in her 20's, my dad had handled just about everything at home, and his death was ridiculously sudden (he had a massive heartattack on the angiogram (sp?) table. Yeah, that's the test they do to check your heart. As an aside, it was the first and only patient my doctor ever lost. My dad was only 29). I'm sure she felt hopeless. At that point, the Church took care of my mom (even though salvation was never something talked about, let alone accepted openly). It was just God's unseen hand in our lives.

When I was 5, my mom married our mailman. Yes, that's the humor in the story. He had a son from a previous marriage, so I now had two brothers. Mom and the Mailman had another kid, so now, I had three brothers. It was an interesting life. I was still pretty much completely unaware of God, until I turned 10, and my parents got a divorce. To be honest, I wasn't really surprised - I was almost relieved. They didn't have a healthy marriage - it was obvious - but it was still really hard for all of us. We (my mom, me, and two brothers) moved out of the house we had all lived in, and I started counseling. I know that seems random, but it's a very key part to my life, as God revealed to me later.

It was after the divorce that everything changed. When I was in 6th grade, my mom got saved. Not from a service, or being called to an altar, but in her bedroom after hitting me for the last time. My mom wasn't abusive, but when she was angry, it was easy for her to give into her anger, and at that time, she was very heavily under conviction - God was calling her to himself, and she was resisting. When she gave her life to Jesus, it was a complete 180 - she was a totally different person. It was hard to see without being judgemental, and trust me, plenty of people (including family) were very judgemental. I started attending a Christian summer camp that summer, and I cried a lot. I knew things were off, but I didn't really know what to do about them. I guess I technically got saved that summer, but it was just the beginning of a long, excrutiating roller coaster ride. My mom got married for the third time to my now-stepdad when I was 13. It was a tough time for me, not because of a new dad, but because I felt like my mom was being too dependant, and at 13, that wasn't a cool thing for me to see. I rebelled a lot.

In high school, I had random experiences with God. Looking back now, I could see his hand working all things together, but at the time, I was way too self-absorbed to see anything. I went through multiple stages (as most teenagers do), and in my senior year, I got to my lowest point. I was at the point where I didn't care anymore. I had lived this double lifestyle for so long - to some, I was a great Christian and leader, and to others, I was just another girl who struggled with life and who didn't have the answers. It was paradoxical because I knew who God was, I believed in Jesus and everything he did, but my life showed none of that. Satan took whatever ground I would give him, and I gave him a lot. I won't go into detail, but if you would like to know, please ask. Anyway...it came to the second semester of my senior year, and I was even planning on going to a Christian college. I had all the plans together - what my major was going to be, where I was going to live, etc. I was sitting in my bedroom, thinking about everything that was going on in my life, and a song came on my stereo - "Why" by Nichole Nordeman. It's a secret song on one of her CDs, and it talks about the crucifixtion from different points of view - from a little girl, from Jesus and from God. The song is amazingly written, and by the end, I was curled up on my floor, balling my eyes out. It was the first time I really and truly understood that it was MY sin that nailed Jesus to the cross, and it was only HIS love that could save me. I (finally) gave up my struggle and let Jesus in.

Over the last 6 years, I have been through a LOT. I went through periods where I felt like God was nowhere near me. I went through times where I literally could feel God's presence right next to me. There have been PLENTY of ups and downs. My last post was a specific experience I had with the Holy Spirit, but he has been right there the whole time. God brought me to Alabama, gave me Paul, and allows me to help bring community to one of the best churches in the area - Safe Harbor. I could cry right now just thinking about where God has taken me from, and where He'll take me to. He's an awesome God to serve, love, and share with others. I'm so thankful that He chose me - a prideful, lustful, angry girl - to be made whole by HIS love and grace.

My life verse is Philippians 4:13 (it's one of my tattoos) - "I can do ALL things through CHRIST who strengthens me." I pray that God makes real to whoever reads this what His strength truly is. :)

P.S. I'm uber-pumped about girl's night. Yay!!

Holy Spirit Power

2008-04-08T15:10:00.001-07:00

Luke posted a blog about the Holy Spirit today on the website, and it got me thinking about the Holy Spirit. Duh. Anyway, I think most people raised in traditional (i.e. non-pentecostal) church have a skewed view about the Holy Spirit. I know I did. I was raised Lutheran until I was 18, and the HS wasn't talked about much. I was aware that he was the third party in the Trinity, but I didn't understand the Trinity. I knew that the book of Acts talked about him - the day of Pentecost, specifically - but I didn't understand Pentecost. No one ever told me that I could have the HS within me, as part of my heart. It wasn't until I joined Master's Commission that I realized how important and wonderful and powerful the person of the Holy Spirit is. Of course, I was surrounded by the weirdos - people doing idiotic things in the name of the HS, so it was easy for me to be skeptical. However, once I experienced him for myself, everything became more clear. I had an amazing experience during my first year of MC called the baptism of the Holy Spirit. Now, this is doctrinal, but the AoG (Assembly of God denomination) believes that this baptism is separate from salvation, and that speaking in tongues is the first initial evidence of the baptism. This is where people get lost, and understandably so. A friend of mine got pretty defensive in talking about this because she was taught that when you accept Christ into your heart, you are filled with his Spirit. She didn't understand (and was rudely treated because of her ignorance) what this separate experience was all about.

As far as my opinion is concerned, I do not believe you have to experience this baptism to be saved. I do not believe you have to speak in tongues to go to heaven. I do not believe that every believer is to receive this baptism. For me, I can only base my beliefs on what I read in the Word and what I have experienced personally. There are numerous examples within the New Testament where the Holy Spirit's ministry is specifically mentioned - day of Pentecost, Peter @ Cornelius' house, Paul's conversion, etc. I say the HS's 'ministry' because he was sent after Jesus ascended to be with us, as a person, a guide, a comforter. He made himself real to me. The experience I had during my first year was in the midst of true believers praying over me, laying hands on me, etc. I'll be honest, it was weird - I was not used to this kind of outpouring of love or concern. But I felt like things were being lifted off of me - things I had held onto for so long. I was giving up control and giving in to the Holy Spirit - the one who had tried to guide me since my salvation. It was as if God was saying, "It's TIME!" I spoke in tongues that first time, but not really out loud for anyone to hear me. It wasn't until that next weekend that I really let loose and began speaking in my new prayer language. I KNOW that sounds crazy, but I promise you - it was (and still is) one of the most awesome parts of my faith - when I pray in tongues, I know God is not only hearing me, but the HS is praying through me! How awesome is that?! There are so many times where I don't have the words to pray for something or someone, but I know it's on my heart. That's when the HS takes over. It's not like he's going to make you do something you shouldn't, or make you look like a fool - but maybe, just maybe, he's trying to gently persuade you to give up control.

I had an awesome experience with God yesterday - repentance is hard, and it hurt a lot, but I knew it needed to happen. One of the best parts about it was that I wailed in tongues - it was as if the HS knew I couldn't pray for myself because I felt so worthless, so dirty in God's sight. This experience has refreshed me and has reminded me of the power I have through the HS. I need his presence. I need his guidance. Jesus did everything for me, including sending the HS down to me and to you. I just felt like I needed to share with those few who read this. ;)

Questions on Prayer

2008-04-02T09:41:00.001-07:00

Paul posted some questions on Safe Harbor's website, so I'm bringing them here to answer them. Enjoy.

Discuss prayer in the following ways:

How does it affect you personally and/or practically?
Prayer is something I took for granted growing up. I seriously thought that unless my prayers were eloquent enough, or meaningful enough, then God wouldn't hear them or answer them. I even said "excuse me" if a coughed or sneezed during my prayers. What a weirdo! But after I got saved, I realized that it's more of a conversation between me and God...one I don't take advantage of enough. It's so easy to bring our petitions to God, but not so easy to just worship him for who he is through prayer. I can sing to him all day long, but worshipping him through prayer is different. Practically, it's easy for me to (in my mind) say a prayer and then check "pray" off my proverbial list. It's a control thing for me - I don't want to have to pray about things because I believe I can handle it.

What is it?
Like I said, a conversation - it doesn't have to be formalized or memorized, although those types of prayer aren't bad. Either way, it needs to be from the heart.

How do you pray spiritually? (I ask this because not everything of our faith is practical)
Well, if by spiritually, you mean like, in worship rather than asking God for things, see answer to #1.

What does scripture say about it and what examples are seen in scripture?
Anytime I think about prayer in scripture, I always think about the ways Jesus mentions in the Gospels. I think about how even He needed to take time away by himself to pray. I think about the prayers of the pharisee vs. the prayers of the humbled sinner. I think about the women with the issue of blood - she had all of her prayers answered with one touch. I guess I connect prayer in scripture with faith - it's better to pray about something when you have faith that God will do it.

Could our approach to it be all wrong? (un-answered prayer)
I know my approach is wrong at times. It's so easy to fall into this step-by-step mentality about prayer - a checklist, like I said before. I know I should pray for my family, my church, my friends, my needs, my faith, etc. But then it's just my, my, my...I guess we should allow God some room to speak in our prayers, and to put specific things on our hearts to pray about. Paul and I were discussing this as he was preparing to post these questions, and I know I don't allow God any space in my prayer life (or lack thereof) to speak to me...to commune with me...to conversate with me. Unanswered prayer is so frustrating, but I so easily forget that sometimes, I'm not dealing with unanswered prayer - I'm dealing with God answering my prayers in a different way than what I'm expecting. We need to remember that when God answers, it's rarely in the way we think we need him to.

Sometimes I hate being married to Paul because if something is on his heart or is affecting him, it begins to affect me, even if I don't want it to. ;)

Metamorpha Questions

2008-03-26T09:09:00.000-07:00

Our new sermon series is called Metamorpha - it's all about the change we have to go through in our Christian walk. Paul is preaching 3/4 of the series, so I feel pressured, er, I mean, encouraged to blog about what's going on. (Lol...jk). He posted some questions on Safe Harbor's website, and asked those of us who have a personal blog to answer them. So here goes:

1) Looking back on your life, specifically after salvation, try to recall times where you realized or came to understand something about God that you misunderstood before (i.e. a time when you got a revelation about grace v/s works or about God’s unconditional love for you etc.). Now that you have that thought in your mind, write about it and tell how you came to realize the truth that you misunderstood before (that was when you threw down an altar).

The first real revelation I received about who God is was during my first year in Master's Commission. He revealed himself to me as Father. I had three dads growing up, so this was the initial area God had to break down for me - I was too used to seeing him as legalistic, angry and ready to get me.

2) How did you feel when you finally accepted the true image of God in that area of your life?

I felt more grace than I ever had before.

3) Is there a way that you see God, yourself, your role in His kingdom, etc. that you think God is trying to reveal truth to you in now? What is it? What do you think would help you get the courage to continue to tear that down?

Well, my view of myself is pretty messed up. So that affects everything else - my view of God, of his Church, etc. I'm actually starting counseling in a week for it, so I'm praying that God will use that to really dismantle my thought process about myself, and then I'll be able to see more clearly my place in the Kingdom.

4) Take some time to really be honest with yourself and answer the following question. What do you believe about God that you’re scared to admit to someone?

Sometimes it's really hard for me to believe in heaven. I know what I've been taught, and I know what the word says about our goal after this life, but I struggle with knowing for sure if it's all real or not.

A lot going on

2008-03-10T15:05:00.000-07:00

Here's a new list, in no particular order:

So, falling off a treadmill is not a fun experience, and yet, it's as if I had to go through this at least one time. Let's hope I don't have to go through it again. I find that talking about it makes it seem less embarrasing. Friday was not a good day. I rolled my ankle pretty badly, but it has since healed almost 100%, and I plan to hit the gym tomorrow morning. We'll see.
The time change has kicked my tail this year...I don't really know why, but it has. Ugh.
Paul has so much going on right now with school and the upcoming sermon series (which starts on Easter). He's kinda stressing out, which has the probability of stressing me out, and I don't really want that to happen. I need to remember to breathe...
Speaking of breathing (out, specifically), I'm going to attempt to schedule an appointment with a counselor this week. This is something I've been praying/thinking about for a long time, and because I'm realizing what some of my triggers for anger and stress are, I'm also realizing that talking them out with someone who doesn't know me would really help me. I have a heart for counseling anyway, so I need to start practicing what I preach. What's more, it's paid for completely by the insurance from my job. There really isn't a reason to not go...oh, except for the fact that I feel like I should have my life together. But you know.
We had a lot of good conversations this past weekend...both serious and not-so-serious. It was so good.
Church was AWESOME yesterday. The Holy Spirit is really moving, and Nooma has been so enlightening for me. My prayer is that all of it will stick.
I miss my brothers.
Speaking of brothers, one of mine is getting married in 11 weeks. It seems like a lot, but it will fly by, and I have a bridesmaid's dress to fit into. Good times.
Speaking of weddings, we are attending one the first weekend in April, in which I have to wear a bridesmaid's dress. Also good times.
Did I mention I have to lose weight for both of these dresses? Not a lot for the one in April, but more for the one in May. Maybe I'm giving myself a complex.

Well, there's more going on in my head, but I don't feel like posting about it. Sigh.

I'm de-stressing

2008-03-05T15:53:00.000-08:00

and it feels good. I'm really trying to work on this part of my life. I was reminded this past weekend that the only thing I have control over in life is my reaction (or response, whichever). And it really hit me. I need to remember that no matter what people do, how stupid, self-absorbed or f-ing crazy they are, I cannot control them. I can only control who I am and how I react to them. The worst part about this is traffic and stupid drivers - it's very easy for me to get stressed out about the fact that people are freaking idiots and think that driving 30 mph in the fast lane is ok. Sigh. But for the most part, the de-stressing has worked this week, and the new schedule has helped. I've gotten more sleep, I actually got up and went to the gym this morning, and I just feel better about life. It's funny how a small change like that can affect you. :) I still have the contentment thing to work on...but that's a more in-depth process. Right?

Now, if only losing weight was as easy...

Happy March!

2008-03-01T12:39:00.000-08:00

So, it's March 1st. Yippee. :)

My parents arrived safely last night around 10:00pm, and we stayed up until after midnight. Needless to say, they were not ready for that, and we were up before they were this morning. Paul hurt his neck/back while working out yesterday, so there was some shifting and changing while trying to sleep last night, so although I'm feeling ok right now, I know I'm going to be sleepy later...oh well.

Our morning has been...interesting. Sometimes, my mom can stress me out because she interrupts when anyone is trying to talk, but my dad nipped that numerous times this morning (which just made me chuckle). We talked about so many things this morning - from moving, to kids, to my mom's pot use back in the day, to drinking, to my brother(s), to postmodernism, and ending on (Paul & Dad) talking about metaphysics. WHOA. Now, I'm sitting on my couch by myself for a minute, Mom is working on her Bible study (and possibly falling asleep) and Paul and Dad are on their way to get some lunch (late, yes). I'm making dinner tonight and Mike & Chris (goodfriends/neighbors) are coming to join us.

I think there were a few conclusions made this morning:

1. I think we are leaning towards not moving. This is somewhat disappointing, but as we went through the pros and cons (thanks to Dad), it just seems better for us at this time. It will be smarter financially and although it doesn't seem like it right at this moment, it will help us in moving forward to wherever God may want to take us. This, along with any other decision, is in God's hands, and He can change it when/if He wants.

2. My mom had three really good pregnancies. This makes me even more excited about having kids. I know my mom and I are two different people, but I'm praying that a lot of the aspects of her pregnancies flow right down to me (i.e. not being sick at all - except for the first month or so with me, and that was only because she ate huge breakfasts).

3. I'm convinced that I'm already my mom. Sigh. I figured it would take longer than this, but I was wrong. It's not a bad thing, and we are different in a lot of ways, but as far as the basics, we are the same.

4. I need to lose weight. (Ok, this isn't necessarily from this morning, but it's been heavy on me for a couple days now.)

I'm sure there's more, but I can't think anymore right now. One update is that I'm changing shifts at work - to 9-6. This will hopefully reduce my stress (more sleep and time in the morning to work out), and I'm always in need of a change. Just pray that I don't kill the aforementioned co-worker - we will now be on the same shift. However, my team leader and I talked about it yesterday, and we plan on talking to our supervisor about possibly having him moved. I realized that he's a trigger for my stress, and although I know I need to handle it better, I still don't need that kind of influence during a work day where I already hate my job. Okay.

Have a great Saturday everyone...er, what's left of it. ;)

I've been tagged

2008-02-29T12:30:00.001-08:00

HERE'S HOW YOU PLAY. ONCE YOU'VE BEEN TAGGED YOU HAVE TO WRITE A BLOG OF TEN WEIRD, RANDOM THINGS, FACTS OR HABITS ABOUT YOURSELF. AT THE END, YOU CHOOSE TEN PEOPLE TO BE TAGGED, LISTING THEIR NAMES AND WHY YOU CHOSE THEM TO BE TAGGED. DON'T FORGET TO LEAVE THEM A COMMENT "YOU'RE IT" AND TO READ YOUR BLOG. YOU CAN'T TAG THE PERSON WHO TAGGED YOU. SINCE YOU CAN'T TAG THAT PERSON BACK, LET HIM OR HER KNOW WHEN YOU'VE POSTED YOUR BLOG SO HE OR SHE CAN READ YOUR ANSWERS.

(Although I'm not tagging 10 people because I don't have ten people to tag. Megan took them all.)

1. I have a true passion for pizza. I promise, I could eat it every day for both lunch and dinner (I'm not a cold pizza person, or I would add breakfast to that list).

2. My car has swinging vents in it - gotta love a Mazda. It's what sold me on the car. Seriously.

3. I bite my nails a lot, and it's not a nervous habit (much to my mother's chagrin).

4. My first job was at a thrift store in a ghetto suburb where the women who bought things (after bargaining with me to lower the price on a $.25 item) took the money out of their bras. I was 15.

5. I need a haircut. And Shana thinks I'm OCD over my hair. (I guess that's two, but whatever.)

6. I hate surprises. (This is dangerous to post, but I'm running low on random right now.)

7. Sunset roses are one of my favorite flowers, but I'm too cheap to ever buy them.

8. My step-dad is 7 years (or 8, depending on the time of year) younger than my mom. But you would never believe it. Ever. There's a few running jokes about it - "Hey Lori (my mom), when Dan (my step-dad) was graduating from junior high, you were pregnant with Lynn! HA!" Yeah, it's weird.

9. I collect snowmen.

10. Philippians is probably my favorite book of the Bible.

I'm tagging Becky (because I want to know more about her), Shane (because he'll hopefully have interesting answers), Sam (because I'm pretty sure she'll do it), Jen (although I think she's done this recently - and because I LOVE her randomness), and Marie (because I should know some random stuff about her before she moves back down here to the Ham).

It's 8:38am

2008-02-27T06:38:00.000-08:00

and once again, I'm at home. I'm telling you - this sickness will be the death of me. Thanks be to God, I am feeling better. But the medicine that the doctor put me on (after sitting at the clinic for 3.5 hours) makes my head feel like it weighs 80 pounds and like I'm drunk. Hence, no driving. I feel like my supervisors think I'm a wuss, but I really don't care. I just know that if I went in, I'd end up leaving again because I wouldn't be able to focus on my computer screen. Plus, the headache is still there...it's the same one...just likes to come and go whenever it feels like it. The doctor was good, though...very thorough. He's new to me, but is the doctor for almost everyone in Paul's family, so I figured he was a good choice. He's also pretty up-to-date on new medicines and procedures, including heart-related stuff, which I need. It all worked out and my mom is now freaking out a bit less. Ah, mothers...they're crazy!

I feel like I need to be more productive in life, but I just don't care. I guess my laziness gets the better of me, and I don't want to change. I'm in this weird place in life...expecting God to move and do more in our lives, and yet, straying away from it because part of me doesn't want to change. Paul and I try to plan our lives so that no matter what we decide, God ultimately has the control and can change anything at any time. I like living my life that way, but my selfish, sinful nature takes me away from that a lot. I was trying to explain the CONSTANT battle that goes on in my head/heart to my mom yesterday - not the best idea. But it was good because I was really honest with her. Let me explain: a lot of times, when I'm talking to her about life here, Paul, his family, work, etc., it almost seems as if she sides with all things Alabama rather than really seeing my side of the story. And that pisses me off to high heaven. So I told her that yesterday - and she was (somewhat) understanding. I told her that sometimes, I just need her to be on my side and not anyone else's. (Once again, I guess that's selfish). And she said that I already have her on my side, and that she just tries to make me think along other lines. I told her that I'm ridiculously anal retentive about seeing things from all angles - that's what makes me so incomparably self-aware. Because it's true - whenever a thought enters my mind or a decision presents itself, I am constantly trying to see it from any and all angles. To a fault. But I guess I'd rather fault on that side than on the side of inconsistency and pure indulgence. Eh...who knows.

So now I have to turn the computer off because it's hurting my head. Like whoa.

It's 10:19pm

2008-02-25T20:18:00.000-08:00

and I'm still awake and not feeling good. As I told Paul, I'm teetering between feeling really shitty and feeling fine, and that sucks. I left work around 2:00 today because my temperature was slowly rising and I had one of those kinds of headaches that felt as if my head was going to split wide open and my brain was going to fall out and make a huge, bloody mess. Sorry for the graphic-ness, but that's how it felt. And four Advil didn't help all that much - I still had to sleep for 3 hours when I got home to get it to remotely go away. I then had an awesome conversation with my brother - it lasted over an hour, and in case you were wondering, yes, we're both big talkers. Lol...

Paul went to prayer tonight, and just got home. I watched "The Jane Austen Book Club" and it was great. I'm hopefully going to the doctor tomorrow to see what's going on. And now, I'm still tired. Just as a note, my birthday sucked for the most part (for those of you who didn't know, it was yesterday). It was an emotional weekend to begin with (I was severely missing my family) and although church was great, the rest of the day was...not so great. I don't like making a big deal of birthdays at all, but the emotionalism of the weekend just ruined it for me. I got to see "27 Dresses" on Saturday, and that was good. Paul is an awesome husband, and tries really hard to empathize with me about being so far from home, and I was stupid and we fought about it. We're fine now, but it just messed things up yesterday. Oh, and his family is a bit crazy. So yeah...my faith in birthdays is diminishing rapidly. I guess that's what happens when you get older...

OK, my bed is calling. Love to all...

I'm loathing

2008-02-22T09:56:00.000-08:00

work today. People are annoying (because it's Friday), they're loud (and I've been dealing with a migraine all day) and one of my co-workers may very well die soon (because I might kill him). This week has been an overly-stressful week for me, and unfortunately, I don't have a good reason for it. I think I'm allowing myself to get stressed out more and more easily...I think I may need some "special" medicine (i.e. anti-anxiety). Like whoa. And for the first time in my life, I actually have somewhat of a break-out on my face. Ugh.

On a more positive note, I was so uplifted and encouraged by Jen today. Her self-awareness is so great (and makes me feel like I'm not so weird) and the calling that her and Alan have on their lives is awesome. The best part is that they're walking out their faith for their future and the future of a very special little boy - William. I'm so proud of them for being who they are and not being ashamed of what God has called them to do. It makes me think about my life, and how I need to be pushed to move in the right direction sometimes. God is so good, and I need to live that.

Only 4 more hours of work...only 4...the time on these posts is way off...

I love my husband

2008-02-19T19:27:00.000-08:00

but this class may be the death of us. HA! JK. But seriously...the class is called Current Issues in Theology, and it's pretty intense. He has to write a paper every week, be involved in a threaded discussion online with the people in the class, lots of research, etc., and I think he may be getting a tad overwhelmed. He's currently doing research for a paper about who the Holy Spirit is, and he's reading some of the stuff he's found out loud to me, and it's making my head hurt. LOL. Hopefully, it will turn out the way he wants. But if you find a minute, prayers for Paul would be great!

I don't know why, but I'm in a blogging mood lately. I guess now that I'm feeling better, my mind is more clear and my heart is lighter. Kinda. I went back to the gym today for the first time in two weeks, and although I know I'm going to be sore tomorrow, it felt really good. I was really proud of myself because even though I've been out of the groove for two weeks, I was still able to do 50 minutes of cardio without feeling like I was going to die. :) I'm learning (finally) that being happy with who I am is really the start of being happy in general. I've really hated on myself for my weight, but whether from weariness or from inspiration, I've decided that if I'm careful with what I eat (moderation) and I exercise when I can, then that's really all I can do. And I'm ok. Whoop.

So tattoo addiction may really a problem for me. Not really, but maybe. I just think they're an amazing expression and a beautiful art form, even if people get really dumb tattoos. I'm watching LA Ink right now, and a guy just got a tattoo of a Buddha on his stomach, to the point where his belly button was the Buddha's belly button. It's ridiculous, but still a personal expression of who he is. Not many art forms can say or do that in my opinion.

I am severely addicted to Solitare Race on AOL games. It's bad.

And Paul is still reading to me...my brain...is slowly turning...to mush. ;)

I made some changes

2008-02-16T08:15:00.001-08:00

Hope they're asthetically pleasing to you! :)

It's Friday

2008-02-15T20:06:00.000-08:00

and I feel a million times better - we purchased some Mucinex D, and I could breathe today!! :) It's like magic! Anyway, I was reading through some bloggage from some of the best people in the world, and it inspired me to write. First of all, tattoos and bookstores make me feel better about life. I have four tattoos now (and have at least three more in idea form currently), and I-don't-know-how-many books, purchased from numerous wonderful bookstores, and quite frankly, that makes me feel more relaxed and satisfied with life.

There are things that make me feel less-than-satisfied, though. Part of me feels like a failure because I didn't go to college. Part of me thinks I'm wasting my time at my job. A super really huge part of me wants to move because I feel like we'll be able to give more of ourselves to our church. Part of me struggles with EXTREME laziness and an addiction to the TV. So I'm basically gliding along in life...not making many waves or big decisions or moves. And that drives me CRAZY. I know God has things in store for us, but my impatience ruins me. I do feel like I'm growing, but is it in the right way? Am I gaining good things in my spiritual life?

I don't know the answers to these questions. And I have to be ok with that. It's hard, but it's necessary. Right?

I bought four pairs of [cheap] shoes today, and that purchase may or may not have included a pair of heels [ooooooh...]. And I bought the Sara Bareilles CD. [She's amazing, btw.] Also, it looks like the boy's camping trip was changed to next weekend [thanks Dave!] so Paul will be able to attend. Hopefully, I will get to spend some amazing time with the land owner's wife [a.k.a Megan].

I turn 25 in 9 days. It's affecting me more than I thought it would. And now, I'm headed to bed. Good night, all...

It's Tuesday

2008-02-12T16:54:00.000-08:00

and once again, I'm sick. You know...I have never been as sickly as I am now and I believe it's because of my stupid job. I was discussing this with my supervisors before I got sick. I think it circulates through our air vents or something crazy. But man...I'm so over being sick. Ugh. Thank God I haven't gotten the flu or anything (knowing my luck, that will come later). Maybe I'm allergic to the office...

Anyway, life is good...here's a list of randomness for you:

1. Church is so great. Everytime we're there, we're continually reminded of the awesomeness that is Safe Harbor. The drive is killer sometimes, though, and I'm lazy...not a good combo.
2. I watched "Rent" today...I'm so ready for the play...it's going to be so much better. April 25th, baby...
3. I actually like American Idol. I'm watching it right now.
4. Paul started school this week - he's taking online courses right now through Crown College. His first class has something to do with issues in theology or something...I don't know. He seems interested, so that's all that matters. However, I was really looking forward to us having two laptops so we wouldn't be fighting over one, but the older one died on us a month or so ago. This school thing may be great for Paul, but it may suck for me. I'm selfish.
5. I've actually thought about college a lot lately. I wonder if it's something I need to do...
6. I love to cook. I made banana bread today and it is so good. I'm pumped about it.
7. Valentine's Day is so overrated, but I find myself sad that we won't really be doing anything for it this year. I'm such a sap.
8. I want a new car so badly. And it's not going to happen.
9. I'm so ready to move, it is ridiculous. That may happen, but who knows when...
10. My parents are coming to visit on Feb 29th for the weekend. I'm ready for it. I'm just glad it worked out because otherwise, I would have had to wait until May. I think the guys from church were planning on camping that weekend, but Paul has graciously said he would hang out with my parents instead. He loves me...
11. My head feels like it weighs 80 pounds. UGH. And UGH again.

I'm going to eat more banana bread...and watch my favorite night of television - AI, House and LA Ink. Whoop whoop...

It's Sunday

2008-01-27T08:14:00.000-08:00

and I'm at home because of my stupid stomach. Well, I guess I'm the stupid one for eating so much last night. Boo. Anyway, I know a list has been requested, but I will have to get to that later. I was reading Megan's blog and saw her link to the Rick & Bubba website. There, I found links to Rick's message at his son's funeral. Wow. Paul and I have been somewhat done with Rick & Bubba - we listened to them every morning for a while, and got to a point where we really felt like they were just about themselves and their stories, and that although they were Christians, they were so closed minded that it was hard to listen.

However. After hearing his message, my mind has been changed. Do I still think they're somewhat closed minded? Sure. But do I know for a fact that the Holy Spirit is all over them (well, at least Rick)? YES. I know that God can and will use anyone to speak his Word, but this was horrifically special. To know that God can give strength to someone who just suffered a horrendous tragedy to speak so fervently about his faith is an awesome reminder of who God is. So even though I wasn't at church this morning, I had church here on my couch - I worry so much about this life, but when you are able to put things into perspective like that, all the crap I worry about is meaningless. Once again, it's God's gentle reminder that I'm not in control, and life would suck even more on this earth if I were.

I suck at blogging

2007-12-20T16:57:00.000-08:00

...but I ROCK at lists!

I love Scrubs (the TV show, not the clothing option - they make me feel kinda fat and bloated). I'm sure, if you know me remotely well, you know this already. But I just want to reinterate - it's the best show ever.
I love Christmas, even if Alabama doesn't make it feel like it. Yeah, I'm not into the whole 75 degrees things in December. And my sinuses don't like it either.
Commericials suck.
Work is going well - we got our Christmas bonuses (today, might I add...less than a week before Christmas...gah) (not that I want to sound spoiled), and I'm working in our card room until the end of the year. We produce cards for all of the reps in Auction ACCESS (those who buy and sell cars at car auctions...longer explanation available if you want it), and I'm the one doing it right now. It's so much better than my regular job activities, so I'm actually kinda happy at work for the time being.
Paul is awesome - he has painted our back bedroom and put up new blinds in there. He's in the midst of painting our second bedroom right now - and he had the dishes done before I got home. He's such a hard worker - I'm super thankful for him.
This "Clash of the Choirs" show is actually pretty cool. Except for when the soloists forget the words to extremely popular Christmas songs. HA!
Our friends Alisa and Phil are coming to stay at our house tomorrow night! YAY!
I get to be off of work Monday and Tuesday - PRAISE THE LORD.
Super pumped about the Candlelight & Cookie service at church on Sunday night.
I went home last weekend for my brother's college graduation. Quick overnights to Chicago are not so great, but it was totally worth it. It's not every day your brother graduates from college.
Do we still have Christmas shopping to do? Yes. Is Christmas (well, when we're celebrating it on Christmas eve) less than 5 days away? Yes.

Have a fabulous Christmas, everyone! Love to all!

Hmm

2007-12-05T17:29:00.000-08:00

Well, I have wanted to post for a while now, but I wasn't sure how to put what's going on into words. Get ready for some "real!" God has been doing some amazing things in my heart lately, and although the journey isn't over, at least I know I'm open to what He's doing. Finally. It's hard to come to certain realizations. It's hard to realize that I haven't been open to God's guidance. It's hard to realize that not only have I not been listening, I haven't wanted to. It's excrutiating to know that I've allowed my stubborn and frozen heart to affect my marriage and ministry. Paul is absolutely the best thing to ever happen to me, and I was holding undeserved resentment and anger toward him. I have relied on common sense and logic so much that I've walked away from the path that God wants for me. I've only allowed God to affect me to a certain point...only to where I was able to manage it. Have I been in leadership with all of this in my heart? Yes. And at this point, in the past, I would be spiraling downward...not able to move past the negative aspects to even see the positive side.

But I'm not spiraling. I'm moving forward. It was rough last weekend, and I know the rough points will continue, but all in all, I know that God loves me, wants the best for me, and has surrounded me with the most amazing people. For the first time in a long time, I'm starting to feel these facts move from my brain to my heart. I can preach vulnerability and "real" until I'm blue in the face, but until I start truly doing it myself, nothing I say will be effective. I'm so appreciative of have the opportunity to be so open with a few of the people around me. I can't even begin to put into words the lessons I'm finally allowing God to teach me. I can name off all of the issues I have, but what would that help? I know in my heart that I need to be content...that is my main struggle. I think this will be a learning experience for me for a long time to come, but I believe prayer works. I know that everything else will fall into place if I let God be God in my heart and to accept His teaching me to be content. Do I suck? Sure...I'm human. Will this be a continual process? YES. But I feel encouraged and hopeful. For the first time in a long time. Thank you to the select few who were not only there for me, or asked how I was doing, but for the prayers, the support, the in-your-face advice, the listening ears. Love to you.

And I'm trying to get rid of the to-do lists... :)

Positivity

2007-11-19T16:29:00.000-08:00

I find that I'm somewhat (read REALLY) negative a lot of times, and although I recognize it in others, sometimes I try to pawn my negativity off as something else - truth, being honest, blah. So here's to positivity - a list just for you:

Getting ready for this trip to Chicago is no where near as stressful as I thought it would be. I'm even having my in-laws over for dinner tomorrow night and we leave on Wednesday morning. If you know me, you know I stress about everything, and I'm trying really hard to work on chilling out, so this is huge for me.
I am madly in love with my husband. Paul is one of the absolute best things to have ever happened to me, and I really couldn't have asked for more.
I made potato soup that is actually pretty healthy AND is tastes good. It was my first real experience using chicken/vegetable broth, and I think it turned out very well. Paul will be the real test.
I get to see Wicked in TWO DAYS. YAAAAAAAAAY!!!
August Rush comes out in two days. Super pumped about it...
I heart Scrubs.
I still use Amazon.com, even if terrorists tried to get me using their logos and website info.
We got new clothes yesterday! And although I could REALLY be negative about this experience (because hating my body is...easy for me), it was actually really good and Paul got an ADORABLE outfit (even though he HATES it when I call his shirt and pant combinations outfits).
Frank Caliendo is my new favorite comic.
I heart the holidays - even if it's still the same temp as it was in September. I love the spirit, especially because I don't go into crazy shopping mode like most people. I love the fact that my family does grabbags (each person buys one present for one person) - it makes EVERYTHING easier.
I love comfy pants.

Ok, that's good for now. If I don't post again, HAPPY THANKSGIVING!! :)

Free rice to the world

2007-11-14T10:05:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I went to Rachel's blog, who posted about Andrea's blog, and I am addicted. If you want to help with world hunger, start giving free rice. I promise, you'll have fun, and you'll be helping world hunger! What more could you ask for?!

To do lists...

2007-11-13T17:11:00.000-08:00

...seem to be the bane of my existence. I am bombarded by the numerous lists that just seem to form in my brain...just to drive me crazy. I have a couple started thus far - here's a peek into my insanity. These are not in order of importance:

To Do #1 - Things to do/get when our flex plan is updated:
-New glasses
-Eye exams
-Dental cleanings
-Birth control (for how long??? hehehe...)

To Do #2 - Top 5 things to pray about:
-When to put our house up for sale
-Top things to do to our house to add value
-When to have kids/get off BC
-When to buy a new car (trading mine in)
-Keeping to our budget

To Do #3 - Options to change on our house:
-Fix the fence
-Paint the bedrooms
-Replace carpet
-Replace ceiling fans
-Landscaping

To Do #4 - Buy Xmas presents (thank GOD for grabbags):
-Brother
-Dad
-Aunt Mary
-Cousin Jimmy
-Paul's family
-Paul? Are we going to buy presents for each other?

To Do #5 - Things to do/get before leaving for Chicago:
-Small group
-Connection guides
-Hair cut (no, Shana, I'm not out of control)
-Lauryn's b-day party (niece)
-Work Day @ church
-Possibly going to the Alabama game
-Missions Sunday
-Laundry/Pack

Had enough? I'm PSYCHO.

Sick all the time

2007-11-07T11:39:00.000-08:00

I am so sick of being sick all the freaking time. This is one of the main reasons I hate Alabama. I NEVER had allergy problems in Illinois. Boo. It's as if I'm drowning because of the drainage, and I can't sleep at night because I can't breathe. Ugh. Ugh again.

But I cooked today...I made a White Chicken Spinach lasagna that we'll be able to eat for the next little while. I'm ready for it. I can smell it right now sitting here...thank you Jesus for food. I asked Paul the other day whether or not my passion for food is a bad thing. He said that as long as my passions don't take me away from the things that should be my main focus, then it's ok. I just love food...I love tasting it, cooking it, playing with recipes, etc. I think some of my weight issues have to do with this love, but I'm still trying to work on that. Ugh with that...weight issues are horrible and stressing. We watched stupid America's Biggest Loser last night, and it just made me feel like crap about myself. One of the girls on there weighs less than I do...does that mean I should get onto a show like that? GEEEZ...

I want to have more good days than bad days, and it's just not happening...I think it might have something to do with the weather. (insert sad smiley face here)

More pics

2007-11-01T08:39:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was (as you all know) Halloween, and I dressed up like a hippie. I couldn't find the best picture, so that will have to do. I did, however, have bell bottoms on and a fake joint...all in good fun. And today is "Roaring 20's" day, where we had to dress up like flapper girls or mobsters. I opted to apparently look like a guy almost all week...it's just easier. :) This pic is of my team - from left to right - me, Brett, Robin (in the flapper dress), Jacob (behind her), and Noah, who went from the "gangster in his 20's" look. Good times...

CSR Week...thus far

2007-10-30T09:08:00.000-07:00

So this week, we're celebrating CSR week at work. It's a lot like Spirit week in high school, if you've experienced that. Well, yesterday was Hillbilly day, and today we had to dress up as a group of characters from a TV show or movie with our teammates. We chose Wizard of Oz. Enjoy!

Joel Osteen sucks

2007-10-25T17:58:00.000-07:00

Ok, so the title doesn't have anything really to do with the post, but Paul is watching the now infamous clip from Mark Driscoll's church, and it got me thinking about it. Blah. And he has a mullet. Geez...I'm glad my community of believers agree that our Christianity isn't easy and won't be. Ever. Thank God for that.

Anyway, life is still pretty busy. Work is slowly (read: like molasses) getting better. There are plans in the works right now to completely update our work area, and I have the possibility of receiving two more raises before the end of the year. I have to remember that this is where God wants me right now, even when I think it sucks, and I need to be thankful that I have a job that pays our bills. It's not all about me, dang it. Help me, Lord...

God has really been dealing with my heart lately. On one hand, it sucks really bad because it hurts - it's like surgery. On the other hand, though, I'm finally feeling like a Christian again - I feel like loving Jesus again. I struggle A LOT with being dependant on my feelings - I have to have something tangible in order to know it or believe it. And God showed me that because this is my mentality so often, I single-handedly deem my faith null and void. Faith isn't something tangible...that's hard, but it's truth. As much as I want to totally depend on Paul as my provider, my help, my confidant...that's not faith. As much as I think I want to control my life, my job, my family, my decisions, my hopes, my dreams...that's NOT faith. I am like the sick man who didn't ask, but told Jesus to help his unbelief. But like we talked about at small group last night, I'm also like the woman with the issue of blood - I've been called out, set free, and am in the process of being healed. It will not be finished while we're here on earth...

My mind keeps screaming, "Why is giving up control so damn hard?!" But I found a pinch of comfort in one set of verses we read last night within our lesson for small group - 1 Peter 5. It talks about humbling ourselves under God's mighty hand, and in due time, He will lift us up. We can cast our cares on him because he cares for us. I've heard this verse a billion times, but I never thought about why one verse was purposely written after the other. It may just be God revealing it to me, but I find it pretty amazing that directly after God tells us to humble ourselves, he tells us to cast all of it on Him. I believe God knows that being humble is ridiculously hard for us humans, so he wanted to make sure we knew it was totally okay to cast it all on Him - actually, that's the only way we can be humble - dependance on Him.

Anyway, that's the stuff in my head right now. Peace and love, homies...

A sick day includes...

2007-10-11T14:36:00.000-07:00

...but is not limited to:

Taking Benedryl around 6:45 this morning, and not waking up until Paul came home for lunch (around 11:10ish)...then feeling as if I could go back to sleep at any time. I haven't slept that much in I don't know how long. This is after going to bed last night around 9:30...hmm...14 hours? Wow.
My throat feeling as if an animal of some sort has scratched it's way through it, but didn't actually kill me.
Being on the computer A LOT.
Watching randomly okay movies like "How to Deal" starring a cute and tart Mandy Moore and "Overnight Delivery" starring a very young Reese Witherspoon as a stripper. They have come a long way for License to Wed and Sweet Home Alabama, I'd say.
Seeing enough of the celebrity drama on the E channel to last me a lifetime.
Not spending money on food!
Ugly, UGLY migraines.
Ordering the next season of Scrubs DVD's from Amazon...season 5, here we come! (Which means seasons 3 and 4 will be borrowed by Luke and Shana soon...hehehe...)
Having a house that's hotter inside than it is outside because we don't have windows that open. At all.
Having time to do things around the house, but not caring enough to actually do them.
Remembering that I have to go back to work tomorrow. I hate my life.

My husband...

2007-10-08T18:27:00.000-07:00

...has finally broken down and created a blog of his very own. You need to leave him comments to encourage him to write stuff down and quit being lazy.

Thanks!

The list precedes the point...

2007-10-04T18:45:00.000-07:00

Preaching last Sunday was hard for me, but challenging in a good way. I think I got my point across, and as so many people reminded me, it's not up to me for that to happen anyway. Thanks for all the encouragement...I'm sure Luke will make me do it again.
Life has been hectic but good lately. Work is still work, though.
Praying for big things makes me forget about the small things and to be thankful for them. Dang it.
I love being there for my husband, especially when he acknowledges it.
Speaking of my husband, he's preaching this upcoming Sunday. If you can't be there, please pray for him. It's gonna be good.
We're going to The Club tomorrow night for the Version 3 Celebration Dinner. Will V3 be celebrated? Hmm...probably not. Will free (really good) food and free alcohol be celebrated? Oh so much more.
I think my laptop is kinda sick...it needs to take a trip to the doctor (aka Best Buy).

I am ridiculously in love with our church and more importantly, the people in it. To those who read this and are included in this group - you had me at hello. You are the passion of my heart and it (my heart) aches when it's not with you. Don't think I'm a weirdo, I'm just in love. I can't help it. I would write you a note asking if you like me too, and to circle yes or no, but this is a blog, and that wouldn't really be feasible. But just know...I'm seriously serious.

This is something I've been thinking about, and with the upcoming holiday, it's appropriate: Walking with God is like Halloween candy. Sometimes, you get the apples - the things in life that suck in comparison to the other stuff out there. Sometimes, you get caramels - the things that are good, but stick to you for far too long, so they eventually become bad. And sometimes, more rarely, you get your favorite (insert favorite candy here - I'm choosing Kit Kat for now) - you love it, you want more of it, you just may burst at the goodness of it.

That's like the parts of Jesus that are revealed to us - they're so good, we just might burst. But those parts are only good because of the other crap we have to wade through. Someone asked me the other day the infamous question of why bad things happen to good people. My answer was basically that faith is hard, and we live in a place that fell away from what God originally wanted. We chose our own way, we thought we could do it better, we allowed the enemy a place in our lives. Anyone who says that the way of faith is problem-free and smooth sailing is full of it. They haven't experienced true depth in God - a depth to which we can only go if it be through struggles. Does this suck? Yes. Is it necessary for growth? Most assuredly. Has God given us the strength to move in, through and past struggles? More than we can know. This is why community is such a strong passion/calling of ours (mine and Paul's). It's one of the few tangible things God has given us to help us work and walk through life. We need to utilize it...be real with it, be open to it, be honest in it, be forgiving of it, be thankful for it, be gracious about it, be what God has called us - THE CHURCH.

Ok, the tangent is over...just remember...LOVE.

Anniversary Dinner

2007-09-23T19:15:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted pictures in a while, so I figured why not now? We had our big anniversay dinner on Friday night at the Melting Pot. It was fun, definitely an experience, but I wasn't too thrilled with being there for three hours. Our waitress was a tad busy, apparently. I would recommend it for a one-time experience, though. The anniversay is actually tomorrow (Monday) but this was fun. Yay for two years!

People who annoy me/General Update

2007-09-20T13:44:00.000-07:00

1. Prissy drivers who, FOR THE LOVE, cannot get over in an appropriate amount of time, so end up slamming on their breaks a foot in front of me because apparently, their depth perception is lacking, and they just HAD to get over at that very second. (This is especially prevelant on 20/59 northbound at the place where the far left hand lane ends before the junction. It's an idiot magnet.)

2. The customer who calls just to bitch about how bad their job is, and how our system makes it 5,000,000,000 times worse for them.
(Because, apparently, I have control over that.)
(And I am now their personal therapist without the pay.)
(Awesome.)

3. The person at work who talks about their vacation day(s) for at least 10 minutes to someone before realizing that other people can hear them, so they stop abruptly and sound like an idiot because the rest of the room wasn't having this conversation. But thanks for filling us all in. We appreciate it.

4. The person who pulls into the same center lane as me, turning the same way, and is so much more important than me that she gives me a look like "What?!" when she turns out of order onto 31. (See center median on 31 near church across the street from the Food World.)

5. The person in the bathroom who is obviously blowing it up, and does not understand the concept of a "courtesy flush." C'mon people...it's not hard...

Ok, that's all I've had to deal with thus far today...I might add to this later. But let's hope not. I'm trying to be more loving, but dude, it's hard.

General Update:

Paul has been sick the past couple days, and is still kinda out of it. He still went to work, though. I'm way more of a pansy than he is.
You should listen to this new artist I found - her name is Colbie Caillat. Her career was started completely on MySpace. Her album, "Coco" is now in stores. I plan to buy it very soon.
We're going along with the Benz's theme for our living room - we call it "Big Ass TV". Now, ours is most definitely not as big or as nice as theirs, and it's a hand-me-down, but we're still pretty pumped about it (and you would understand if you had/have seen our old TV). If you're going to be around the H-town area on Saturday, we're going to be watching the Alabama game on it. ROLL TIDE!
I'm praising the Lord that tomorrow is Friday. Paul and I are both taking a half day off because we're celebrating our two year wedding anniversary. :) (The actual day is Monday the 24th, but it's easier to go out on the weekend.) We'll be dining at this fine establishment - I'm so pumped! I heart fondue. And I think we're going to a movie...any suggestions?
I get to see the Floyd family on Saturday. So looking forward to it - YAY!!!!
We are more and more thankful for our church everyday. Small group was awesome last night (even if Paul missed out), and Sundays are even better. I know I haven't been around that long, but the community we're experiencing now is amazing to us. It makes me want to be better. Seriously.

I guess that's it for now. I'm out like a fat kid in dodgeball.

Sex/God and Family

2007-09-16T14:53:00.000-07:00

That's basically what my weekend consisted of. Oh, and cooking for 6 people twice. My parents were down for the weekend, my cousins stayed with us Friday night to Saturday (meal #1), and my in-laws came over for dinner Saturday night (meal #2). Then we (my parents and me and Paul) went to church this morning, which was amazing. I just have to say that I freaking LOVE my church. I can't help it. It had me at hello.

After a fun-filled weekend, my husband and I are having a laptop war (ok, not really), copying things from the old laptop to the new. We rented a couple movies (neither of which have been watched yet), and I'm attempting to clean up some from the weekend and do laundry. A nice, relaxing Sunday evening. Plus, the weather has been awesome this weekend, so that makes everything better.

I'm learning that I need to be more organized and disciplined in life if I'm going to get everything done. My parents asked how they could pray for us in the car on the way to the airport today, and, needless to say, we gave them a ridiculously long list, so they'll be busy for a while. After we dropped them off, Paul and I were both quiet in the car, just thinking. And this is when the realization hit me - although I do a lot now, I'm going to have to shift my priorities around to make time for things that should be more important in my life (i.e. the gym (well, physical fitness), connections w/ people, stuff for church, etc.) There's just so much to think about, and so much I want to do with life, and the ever-present question of children continually emerges, and I need to learn to be a better wife, and do I really want to be person I am forever?!?

GAH...I hate thinking sometimes.

And I need to blog more.

A new laptop, TV interviews and Identity Theft

2007-09-07T09:53:00.000-07:00

That's the main gist of my week thus far. We bought a new laptop last weekend (the one thing that has really made me happy, even though stress comes with it). Luke was on CBS 42 on Wednesday night (click here to see the clip), and we'll be on TV again because this Sunday, ABC 33/40 will be coming to our service to tape and interview. WOO-HOO! I know God is going to do something amazing with this opportunity, even if I don't see it yet.

Lastly, I had my identity partially stolen today. I, like the dumbass I can be sometimes, was scammed by an email that claimed it was from Amazon.com's security office to verify my account info. Now, trust me, usually I don't touch emails like this because it's for some bogus company or some weird email address sent it to me. This time, however, I was reeled in because I do have an Amazon accout, and I do store personal info there, including my debit card info. Needless to say, I verified the info (and thus, opened my life) to an identity thief, and have spent the entire morning trying to get everything sorted out. This type of theft is an ugly thing, and I feel stupid and vulnerable. As far as I know, we've done everything we can to take care of it, and the people I've worked with have been awesome about all of it. I'm thankful that there are still smart, competent and kind people out there helping idiots like me.

I'm just about at my breaking point right now. Stress is all-consuming, and although I know I should use the stupid cliche of "too blessed to be stressed", I'm not in the mood. God, I need a break. Something....anything.... Also, be careful what you say out loud to God, because He'll call you on it and then some. I was just talking to my supervisor yesterday about all of the stress I'm dealing with, and how HORRIBLE this week has been, and how I don't think I can take anymore. Then today happens. Apparently, I can take more than I thought. My brain might be mush, my face might be tear-stained, and my heart might be in a million crushed pieces, but because of His strength, I can take it.

And now, my focus moves to my parents coming to town next weekend, and preaching about submission in three weeks. Anyone want to say a prayer for me? GAH.

The first weekend of September

2007-09-05T11:09:00.000-07:00

September has always been my favorite month. Mostly because it's the start of fall, but now because it's our anniversary month and, typically, it's slower than the summer months. But being in Alabama, not only is it still dreadfully hot, it's also the start of the craze, the hype, the insanity that is college football. Being an Alabama fan (ROLL TIDE), this month marked an even more momentous occasion - the beginning of Nick Saban's reign as head coach for the Tide.

Yeah...blah blah blah.

I am most definitely a fan of college football, and do claim the Tide as "my team", but can I just tell you...I'm not anywhere NEAR the insanity we endured last Saturday in Tuscaloosa for the opening game against Western Carolina. I don't think I've ever seen that much red in one place. Although I do enjoy tailgating (especially when the really drunk people next to us give me free, surprisingly well-made margaritas), I am not one for all the craziness.

Imagine the scene: I'm sitting under an plastic UA tent thing with Paul's aunt and uncle, I'm literally surrounded by American, UA and Rebel flags (on trucks, on tents, flying from their post in the ground, etc.), the familiar yet distinct smells of cigarette smoke (Paul's aunt), grilled food, alcohol, and hot sweat all combined to make an interesting (read: not so great) concoction, and some of the weirdest people I've ever seen. I even have to put up with my husband demanding to drive his truck (even though it's horrible with gas) and listening to classic rock on the radio the entire drive down and back. (Even with my fervent chanting - "I did not marry a redneck...I did not marry a redneck...I did not marry a redneck...") Plus, we got kicked out of our original seats (don't worry, we ended up in better ones...long story...ask if you want to know). But all in all, it was a great day - and we kicked WC's ass.

The weekend had started Friday night with dinner at the Weather's house with Luke and Shana. Jen and Alan and their kiddies have been a part of our church for a while now, but found out recently that they're moving back to Michigan (where they are both from) for Alan's job. As much as we're excited for them (they'll be really close to family), we're saddened too. It's going to be a rough one this Sunday, saying good-byes.

The weekend ended with church and our Worship team retreat overnight at Shocco Springs in Talladega. A good time, but tiring. Learning new songs, poker games, decent food, and fellowship all make for a good time. Although I was tired, and had a bad attitude about it at first (I get crabby), I'm glad Paul and I went. He got some good convo time with Luke, and we learned some great songs that, I think, the church will grow to love. Props to Jason for putting it together.

And now it's Wednesday, I'm still tired, I'm craving Diet Coke like a crack fiend (we gave it up for this month for Paul's niece - ask if you want more details), and this month continues to stay busy. Things to look forward to:

Hair cut tomorrow (it's beastly at this point)
Date Night on Friday
Work Day at church on Saturday, and lunch with the coolest of the Benzes (jk...well, you're cool, but I'm not going to say you're the coolest...you know...)
Start of the Sex God sermon series on Sunday AM
My parents coming down next weekend (YAY!)
A possible quick trip to Destin, FL with Paul's brothers
Our anniversary (the 24th)
I preach on the 30th (prayers are appreciated)

Well, that's it for now. Peace out, peeps.

From the airports...

2007-08-27T18:42:00.000-07:00

(originally written Thursday morning)

So I’m thoroughly convinced that airports (and the people who are found in them) create numerous opportunities for fun and ridicule. People-watching should be considered a job in an airport…hence my joy at the prospect of flying. Today was different for me, though. I was alienated from my Southwest Airlines for the first time since…2003, maybe? The last time I flew something other than Southwest, it was an international flight to Macedonia (western Europe, people) for a mission trip when I was in MC. I know, some of you are thinking…why in the world would you waste time with Southwest, anyway? Well, if I can get to Chicago for $89 one way, I’ll take it in a heartbeat over high-priced assigned seats on bigger planes. But my pension for SW is not the issue today. This trip was purchased and planned for me by two of the greatest people ever, so I’m at the mercy of Delta Airlines.

The assigned seating and “zone” boarding were easy enough to understand, even if the Skycabbie in B’ham was not friendly. (Well, who could really blame him? I didn’t want to be there at 6:00 am either.) Flying to Atlanta from B’ham seems like a pointless trip, considering the flight takes a total of 30 mins in the air and an hour gate to gate, but hence is my current position. The flight was mostly uneventful, but you know I had to record some tidbits of fun for my readers!

I was sitting in an aisle seat about halfway back, and I’m stuck between Gum-Smacking Man to my left, and Happy McSnores-A-Lot on my right with his Ipod blaring. (Too bad Happy looks like he could be the younger brother of the CEO from my company, and made me shudder in true, I-hate-my-job fashion, so the snoring added to my annoyance.) I did empathize with Gum Man, though…it was obvious that he and his wife had never flown before, so their excited nervousness was precious to me. It reminded me of the trip I took with my now mother-in-law before Paul and I got married. She, in her 50-something years, had never flown before, and we were flying to Chicago for one of my bridal showers. I felt like I was herding a five year old as she stared out the window and giggled almost the whole time. (We were on…er, interesting (read: bad) terms at the time, seeing that she didn’t really want me to marry her son… Don’t worry, we’re better now.)

Towards the end of the flight, Gum Man asks me if I fly a lot, and unabashedly, I say yes. I realized later that this probably sounded snobby, but I was in the middle of a page in the book I was reading, it was before 8:00 am my time, and he simply left the conversation hanging so that he could swivel around to see the back of the plane as he had done 50 times prior. There wasn’t much opportunity to say anything else. So the plane lands, and all of a sudden, enter Dumbass on a Cell Phone. We’re taxing on the runway, for maybe 10 mins to find our gate, and he made FIVE CALLS. He was obviously some marketing something because the calls were first to his (I assume) wife, then to his PA (personal assistant) asking her if she was mad at him, and then to three clients, discussing this upcoming weekend. Trust me, I know it seems as if I was eavesdropping, but the entire section we were in could hear him. I understand that there are plenty of people who are smarter and more important than I am, but dude…it’s 8:15 (9:15 in ATL), people are still waking up, and you’re going to blare your business to five different people (or their voicemails) while we’re still on the freaking plane?!? C’MON! Let me clue you in…you’re not that important.

The airport in ATL is a lot like Midway, just a bit bigger. Needless to say, I wasn’t really nervous about being here. (I felt even better about life when Paul said, “And you’re not a dumbass…you’ll read the signs” in response to my wonderings about the airport this morning.) Like I said before, it’s fun to people-watch in places like this. You have typical business travelers (if not in a suit, then Polo shorts/khakis, Polo shirt, and the loafers that are apparently supposed to imply that they have money); families going on or coming back from vacation (cue matching pieces of apparal, maybe a kid on a leash, parents screaming “stay together!” at random); regular travelers like me (laptop, book, magazine, music player of some sort, etc). But then you have the “special ones”…the rock band with their guitars in tow who need special treatment at the check-in counter for their luggage; the thug gangsta who has to be fully decked out in chains and bling with sun glasses on INSIDE the airport; the elderly in wheelchairs or on those stupid, beeping, enlarged golf carts that the airport personnel drive around. The masses bend and sway, changing every couple mins, whether to catch a flight, grab something to eat, or lollygag as I’m trying to walk behind them. The gates are full or empty, depending on the flight time, and you can watch the TSA agents (most of the time) doing what needs to be done.

However, all of it reminds me that airport WiFi sucks (which is why I’ve typed this up in Word first), I desperately need an Ipod, and I still have two hours to sit here for my next flight. Awesome.

Things are...

2007-08-27T05:54:00.000-07:00

...seemingly back to normal. Last week was rough, but my weekend was awesome, and coming home yesterday was great. I'm back at work now...boo...but hopefully it won't be as crazy as last week. I still haven't gotten the update on how Thursday and Friday went. :( My weekend consisted of a lot of driving, meeting new people, seeing old friends and my family, Navy Pier, flooded highways, and not sleeping much. All in all, it was awesome. AND I came home to a pretty clean house, laundry done, some new landscaping, and a lovey-dovey husband who missed me. ;) God is good, even if I hate my job, so it's all good today. I'll post more tonight when I get home - I have a funny blog about my time in the airport(s) on Thursday. Peace out yo...

This week...

2007-08-20T11:25:00.000-07:00

...will be hell until Thursday. Please pray for me. I already feel as if my sanity is slipping through my tired fingers. And I'm ready to punch someone in the face. And cry. All at the same time. Thanks for your prayers...

Sex God, Chapter Two

2007-08-14T15:04:00.000-07:00

This chapter was much more simple for me and my finite mind to understand. Rob breaks things down into very simplistic terms, and although I know he's been criticized for it, I believe that is why there are so many people at his church and who follow his teaching. And while I thoroughly believe in deep spirituality, I don't believe that's how everyone should start out. I'm glad for his approach...

The title for this chapter is "Sexy on the Inside," which automatically drew me in. Being someone who struggles with how I look on the outside, a chapter directed at my insides being sexy rather than my outsides was highly intriguing. He starts the chapter with the ways we're disconnected - from each other, from the earth, from ourselves, and then directly from God - and how this affects us in multiple ways. He tells a story about going to a Rolling Stones concert, and randomly talking to the [non-Christian] couple next to him about all things spiritual, with the female asking him (about humanity in general), "Why is it so hard for us to get along? Why do we have to fight with each other and go to war and hurt each other and sue each other and say horrible things about each other?" This made me think about a saying Pastor Gary used all the time - some people are better by nature than they are by grace, and this non-Christian person spoke the pain of all of humanity in a few words.

When talking about being disconnected from the earth, I have to admit, I was a tad stand-offish. I'm all for the tree-huggers and hippies of the world, but I'm not so much of that mentality. But I think he makes a few interesting, if not good, points about altering our air with electric machines, how car companies make us think that their product is the only way we can really experience nature, and a whole tangent about our trash and where it goes. And then there's a small snipit about our disconnection from ourselves - how we can so easily be distracted from the vision/passion of our own hearts, that we don't even realize what has happened until it's almost too late.

And then he brings in the biblical application - God's interaction with Adam and Even in the garden, about the initial disconnect of humanity from God, the earth, and between each other. Good stuff. He says, "And this is where you and I come in. We were born into a world, into a condition, of disconnection. Things were created to be a certain way, and they're not that way, and we feel it in every fiber of our being." This has been so pertinent in my life lately. This general feeling of...blah...

He then connects it to the sexual - he says that scholars believe that our word "sex" comes from the Latin word secare, which means "to sever, to amputate, or to disconnect from the whole." So therefore, our sexuality has two dimensions. "First, our sexuality is our awareness of how profoundly we're severed and cut off and disconnected. Second, our sexuality is all of the ways we go about trying to reconnect." Wow. That puts an entirely new spin on sex for me, and thinking about my past, it all clicks. We need to re-think our definition of sex, and then of sexual dysfunction.

He goes through an entire portion about the Red Light District in Amsterdam, about how unsexual the place is. With our new definition, there is no true sexual connection there - it's all strictly physical. He then relates this to our communities, and how truly detrimental it is to have a strictly "physical" connection with the people God has placed in our lives. We need to move to having a "sexual" connection with our church families. I know, I know...weirdness. But if you can push past the only definition in your mind, it makes sense. People blame the institution of the church for their hurts, pains, etc., but really...the institution is made up of people all striving to regain the connections they've lost.

"Somebody in this group hurt somebody in that group. Somebody at school or in that office wronged somebody else. And they haven't done the work to apologize and make amends and work through it. When I meet someone who has been burned by an institution, my first question is, 'What was the person's name?' We'll never heal unless we can identify who did what when. Only then can we begin the process of being set free."

I know I've quoted a lot, but I couldn't have put this better myself. He ends the chapter with a story about a friend of his who is celibate (he mentions celibacy a couple times throughout the chapter) and how her vow is not to go without love, but more a vow she calls "universal love" (yes, I know what you're thinking...). But her main objective is to be "sexually" connected to as many people as she can, without being shallow or superficial. I know this terminology isn't something that will catch on in the American church of today, but regardless, it should really challenge our thinking about community, and what it truly means to be connected.

And then, this paragraph:

"You can't be connected with God until you're at peace with who you are. If you're still upset that God gave you this body or this life or this family or these circumstances, you will never be able to connect with God in a healthy, thriving, sustainable sort of way. You'll be at odds with your maker. And if you can't come to terms with who you are and the life you've been given, you'll never be able to accept others and how they were made and the lives they've been given. And until you're at peace with God and those around you, you will continue to struggle with your role on the planet, your part to play in the ongoing creation of the universe. You will continue to struggle and resist and fail to connect."

And thus, be kicked in the ass, as I am.

Today is...

2007-08-13T05:52:00.001-07:00

...Paul's Birthday!!! YAY for #26!

He's the greatest husband ever! I love you, Nathaniel Paul!!! :)

If you have his cell number, call or text him a Happy Birthday! Thanks, all!

Sex God, Chapter One

2007-08-04T18:21:00.000-07:00

I started reading Sex God by Rob Bell (hence the obvious title), and I'm not sure how to determine my current mental state. This is the book that our next big sermon series is based on, and Luke has asked me to preach one of the Sundays, so I felt the right thing to do would be to actually read the whole thing, and not just the specific chapter I'm assigned (see? I would have made an excellent college student...)

I've made it through the introduction and the first chapter, and God has already struck me with a developing revelation about why I am the way I am a lot of times. I know, I've heard some crazy things about Rob Bell, but I have to tell you, from what I've read of his, I'm amazed. God can most definitely use anyone for his purposes, and Rob is most definitely being used. (Yes, we're on a first name basis already...what?) The introduction was simple enough, talking about how any time we start to discuss sexuality, the deeper the discussion goes, the more spiritual it gets. This is something I learned a long time ago, especially when God called me to share my past with people. Needless to say, the intro was not the revelation-inducing part.

It was the first chapter - God Wears Lipstick. Funny title, eh? Yeah, I thought so too. But then he opens the chapter with part of a diary entry from a captain in WW2 assigned to the liberate of one of the concentration camps in Germany. First of all, way to throw a total downer at me right off the bat. Anyone who knows me well enough (or has witnessed my response to certain movies throughout my life...i.e. parts of Schindler's List, Life is Beautiful, etc.) knows that anything having to do with genocide bothers me to the point of literally feeling sick. We had to watch parts of Schindler's List in seventh grade (sooo wrong...am I right?) and I ran out of the room in sobbing uncontrollably. My teacher was tempted to put me in counseling. Ha. (That's a whole other story...) Anyway, Rob continues by talking about how when we disrespect other people (treating them like an object instead of a human) we disrespect God's image - the image that they were created in. So, in turn, we end up slapping God himself in the face. Well, DANG.

"We don't respect the divine image in others just because we want to uphold their humanity. It isn't just about them. It's about us. It's about our humanity as well."

So me being selfish and treating others as if I'm better than them (whether I say anything out loud or not) is actually more if a hindrance to me than it is to them? Once again, DANG.

It's always the simplest of words that cause the greatest revelations for me. I guess it's mostly because I choose to complicate things in my head to the point where I don't actually receive anything from it...I just wear myself out thinking about it. Rob then moves forward, from seeing God's image in people to seeing us in them. He tells a story about a prostitute who came to his church to talk to him. Her intention was to tell him her plan to commit suicide, and to ask whether or not she would go to heaven if she went through with it. In the midst of her story, she mentioned having a daughter from one of her clients, and when Rob asked her about the daughter, she said, "My daughter's name is Faith."

He then says, "There are these moments when the enemy all of a sudden becomes just like me. When a soldier becomes a son. When a prostitute becomes a mother. When they become we. When those become us. When he becomes me."

What a reminder...a reminder that any of us could be in any of the situations we so easily look down upon. I could be that prostitute wanting to end my own life. If God hadn't led certain people to do/say certain things in certain times in my life, I could feasibly be ANYWHERE right now. I struggle with jealously AND pride...not a great combo. But this chapter reminds me specifically WHY that's a killer combo to struggle with...that it doesn't really affect those involved in my jealousy or my judgement. It really only affects me. And God's concern is that I protect His image in me by respecting His image in others.

The lipstick part came at the very end of the chapter (oh so dramatic, Rob...way to go...). It was the end of the same diary entry that he opened the chapter with. The captain spoke about how they were hurting for so many necessities for the people in the camp, but someone (he didn't know who) had sent them an entire shipment of lipstick. He said it was a sheer act of brilliance...one he didn't realize at first. He writes, "I believe nothing did more for these internees than the lipstick... At last someone had done something to make them individuals again, they were someone, no longer merely the number tattooed on the arm. At last they could take an interest in their appearance. That lipstick started to give them back their humanity."

So, I guess God wears lipstick.

The Luckiest

2007-08-02T10:51:00.000-07:00

To Paul...

The Luckiest
Ben Folds

I don't get many things right the first time
in fact,
I am told that a lot
now I know all the wrong turns —
the stumbles and falls brought me here

and where was I before the day
that I first saw your lovely face
now I see it everyday and I know that

I am,
I am
I am the luckiest

what if I'd been born fifty years before you
in a house on the street where you lived
maybe I'd be outside
as you passed on your bike,
would I know?
and in a wide sea of eyes
I see one pair that I recognize
and I know that

I am,
I am
I am the luckiest

I love you more than I have ever found a way to say to you

next door there's an old man
who lived into his nineties
and one day passed away in his sleep
and his wife, she stayed for a couple of days
and passed away

I'm sorry
I know that's a strange way to tell you
that I know we belong...
that I know that

I am,
I am
I am the luckiest

God intrigues me...

2007-08-01T15:17:00.000-07:00

Today has been one hell of a day. Well, really, this week has been insane, and it's only Wednesday. I've had to deal with numerous events this week already, so I'm a tad emotionally ravaged at the moment. Perfect time to make a couple of points. Read as if you're watching one of those cheesy Mastercard commercials:

Fighting...sucks. It doesn't matter with whom or what the fight is about...it sucks.
Having to watch a friend be treated as if she's a criminal...sucks.
Talking out my feelings with my supervisor about that friend...sucks.
Not getting enough sleep because my head continues to pound, as if someone is building a house or something up there...sucks.
Having to stare at my computer screen while the house-building continues...sucks.

Not only getting thanks for a job well done at work, but also being RIDICULOUSLY BLESSED because of it...

FREAKING PRICELESS!!!!!!!!!!!

I can't give details, but the details really don't matter all that much...God has, once again, and in spite of my asinine behavior, reminded me of who HE is and what HE can do! Let's just put it this way...the last 6 months have now been worth it. God is so good...and COMPLETELY FAITHFUL. I love Jesus...

Psalm 13 - The Message
A David Psalm

1-2 Long enough, God— you've ignored me long enough. I've looked at the back of your head long enough. Long enough I've carried this ton of trouble, lived with a stomach full of pain. Long enough my arrogant enemies have looked down their noses at me. (This is how I've felt for so long...)

3-4 Take a good look at me, God, my God; I want to look life in the eye, so no enemy can get the best of me or laugh when I fall on my face. (This, along with a few more choice words, is what I've told God in the past week...)

5-6 I've thrown myself headlong into your arms— I'm celebrating your rescue (!!!!!!!). I'm singing at the top of my lungs - I'm so full of answered prayers!!!!! (emphasis mine...THIS is what I feel like RIGHT NOW!!!!!!)

I stole this...

2007-07-27T14:37:00.000-07:00

Hi, my name is: Lynn

When I'm nervous: I talk A LOT

The last song I listened to was: "Sorry" by Five O'Clock People

If I were to get married right now my Best Man/Maid of Honor would be: Hmm...that's a really hard question...probably Kristen Marie or Alisa Ann Marie

By this time next year: I hope to be working/possibly living elsewhere

I have a hard time understanding: why stupid people get in other people's business

If I won an award, the first person I would tell would be: Paul

Most recent thing I’ve bought myself: clothes at Old Navy...yay for losing weight! :)

Most recent thing someone else bought me: Hmm...food, maybe?

My favorite redhead is: Rachel, I guess, since her hair is a little red ;)

My favorite blonde is: Hannah...she has the most blonde, I think

The last person I kissed was: Paul...duh

My middle name is: Catherine

The last person I called was: Paul

The last person that called me was: Paul

In the morning I: hit snooze, sometimes shower, get dressed, etc...the normal stuff

Last night I was: At the gym, watching TV, talking to Paul or reading, all of which occured before bed

If I was an animal I'd be: Something that lives a LONG time

Tomorrow I am: Getting my hair "fixed" (just certain parts), and re-doing our bathroom, paint and all! Super fun!

Tonight I am: Taking my hubby on a date

I'm going to miss: my family

My favorite color is: kelley green

My heart is: NOT in my job...gah...

I'm excited about: A gray bathroom, my husband, hopefully getting my new tattoo within the next couple weeks, church stuff

Bored

2007-07-26T14:09:00.000-07:00

I know, I know...I have already been told that for people to really keep up with your blogs, you have to be in this continual state of writing...

I suck at it. And yes, I still want to be a writer.

Anyway...my life has revolved around a job I hate for so long, that I'm truly in the "I-don't-give-a-crap" stage. Seriously. And everything else in life seems to be going pretty well...

Church is good. We're feeling more and more connected to Pelham, and to Luke and Shana. (Yes, I know you'll read this, Luke...sniff, sniff...tear, tear...) We're excited about what God is doing within the hearts of the committed there, and in the new development in Dega. God knows what He's doing, regarldess of whether or not I approve or understand.
Small group was AWESOME last night. Crazy Martha...
Paul has worked late every night this week (except last night so he could come to small group). I don't like it, but I do like having a bit of extra money...I guess I can deal with it for now.
People make me laugh. Especially those who are clueless about relationships/flirting/dating, etc. C'mon people, you're adults...just be honest with yourself and admit that you like him. Send him a note if you want...I bet he'll circle "yes".
Friends are an interestingly good topic right now. Except for one, but you don't know her. God is dealing with me about her slowly but surely...
God, help me be humble so I don't knock prideful asses in their faces. Thanks.
Can you tell I LOVE lists?

Ok, enough...my creativity is about gone for the moment. I have 30 more minutes at work, then it's off to the gym. I miss my husband. And I hate being blah about life right now. Oh well. Maybe the Lord will replenish my creative energy, and I'll be able to write something more meaningful and inspiring later.

Random question of the day: If you had to choose between chocolatey goodness (i.e. M & Ms) or sugary goodness (i.e. cotton candy), which would you pick?

2007-07-25T06:04:00.000-07:00

Ok, so it's not the best picture in the world, but it shall do for now. This was taken this morning while on my way to work, so I'm not the happiest camper, but I gave you a grin anyway. ;) If I take a better one, you'll see it. Thanks for the opinions and comments, everyone!

What do you think?

2007-07-20T11:45:00.000-07:00

So, this is what I'm thinking about for a haircut tomorrow. I'm thinking mine will be a little longer all over, though...and my bangs won't be as short. What do you think? Opinions, people!!!

Update from the last post...

2007-07-17T08:11:00.000-07:00

80's party was awesome. Go see pictures on our MySpace. If you're not a friend on our MySpace, you should be...and you won't see pictures because we have our profile marked as private due to unwanted stalkers. So...I guess you won't see pictures. Oh well.
Lunch was great. We didn't end up grilling out due to the rain, but had some great Mexican dip (props to Cathy) and a good game of Peanuts (cards).
We saw Harry Potter...it was good...not as good as I had hoped, but it was still awesome.
I think Mississippi might be out...it all depends on work for the time being.
I'm still counting down days to Ohio. We're at one month and 6 days.
God is amazing when it comes to friendships. And I'm super thankful that He's better at handling them than I am.
Actually, I think God might have given us just a tad bit of direction...Paul not going back to school this fall. We're still praying about it. God will have to lead.
Which means the laptop might be out for now. I don't know. Boo...

Other stuff I'm thinking about currently:

My job just makes me laugh now...there's no point in getting upset or stressed out. Really. I'm over it.
Losing weight is getting harder and harder. I'm not excited about that. And I just want to eat crappy stuff. Help me, Jesus...
We're SUPER PUMPED about Dega...if you want to know what I'm talking about, click here.
I'm learning more about God everyday. Even if it's in the midst of seeing my faults.
I typically thrive on change. I'd move across the world at the drop of a hat. But I'm realizing that if the change has to do with relationships, connections, etc...I'm not as good with it.
I get to see my Alisa tomorrow. :)
Gum balls are great.
So is Cool Whip Light.
I think I might want to be a writer.

More later...

Stuff to look forward to...

2007-07-13T08:10:00.001-07:00

80's metal-themed party (HAPPY B-DAY BRAD MOSELY!): Paul and I are totally taking this thing serious - outfits will include (but are not limited to): White pants with slits down the legs, a "Frankie Says Relax" shirt, sweatbands, crazy make-up, and tights. Who will wear what? Take a guess...
Lunch with friends: We're having lunch with Luke & Shana and a friend of mine from MC and her new hubby tomorrow. I think we're doing burgers on the grill. I'm making pasta salad, and I think we're getting potato salad too. Any other ideas?
Seeing the new Harry Potter movie at some point...who knows when it'll happen, but I'm excited nonetheless.
Rekindling old friendships (or ones that have waned, and are now coming back).
Maybe going to Mississippi to see my cousin and her hubby. They just moved down here from MI because he's in seminary there, so I think that might have within the first couple weeks in August.
Because I have THE COOLEST friends in the world, I'll be spending the last weekend in August in Ohio to have some girl time. You should know my friends. They ROCK.
Paul starting school (ok, not really looking forward to it, but with the possibility of a school loan, he might be able to get stuff done sooner than originally hoped.)
Along with the aforementioned possible school loan will come a NEW LAPTOP. Possibly a Mac...we'll see...

I'll write more later...

Vacation in a Nut Shell

2007-07-07T11:40:00.000-07:00

Adventure #1: Leaving my purse in one of the 1,000,000 Pensacola Subway restaurants for over 40 minutes.

Panic. Tears. Praise the ever-living Lord, it's still there when we return. Paul had to go in to get it because I looked like a tear-stained wreck, and all he had to tell them was that the name on the license was Lynn Barnett, and it was in a hot pink wallet. I knew that wallet would come in handy...

Adventure #2: Switching restaurants after 45 minutes of waiting to be seated.

In downtown Pensacola, there is a building that houses two restaurants owned by the same company - The Fish House and the Atlas. We were waiting to be seated at the Fish House, and upon being seated and looking over the menu, we realize (and had it confirmed 5 minutes later by our sweet, Samoan-looking waitress) that they did not serve snow crab legs. Now, if you know me AT ALL, you know that this is the food I had been WAITING for, mainly because it's only like, 3 points for an entire serving with WW, and even having some of the butter is okay, and man, they're awesome....

ANYWAY.

Needless to say, Paul was the supportive husband who allowed himself to look absolutely retarded as we walked across the patio to the other restaurant. I finally got my crab legs, and they were a tad overcooked. I know, I sound like a pompous ass, but I consider myself to be somewhat of a snow crab aficionado, so this was a tad disappointing. The manager, (who originally had to deal with us - the picky couple wanting some damn snow crab legs), handled himself quite well, and when he asked what I thought of the crab, I gave him my honest opinion. Once again, if you know me at all, I don't usually EVER do this. If someone I'm with chooses to complain about something, I might chime in, but never do I out and out tell anyone they should be doing a better job, blah blah blah. (Mainly because I don't want to be poisoned or have someone's saliva in my food.) Well, this manager took it upon himself to make up for the cook's mistake, and gave us a free piece of Key Lime pie. BAM. I may start complaining more...

Adventure #3: Heat stroke. Almost.

Our last night at the B&B, and we're getting ready for bed. We had just done a photo shoot at the beach a little while earlier, so we were kinda warmish anyway, but we are overheating in our room, and it's only 9:00. We've got every light off, the TV on low, and we're laying in the bed, sweating. The major problem with this is that we both get EXTREMELY hot at night when sleeping, so this is a predicament. To put it bluntly, we're almost in our birthday suits, waiting for the ceiling fan to take effect, when we remember - BOO YAH - we brought a small box fan with us in the event that the B&B didn't have a ceiling fan in our room. We plug it in, sit it on one of the chairs, and aim it at our faces. It helped. Somewhat.

The next morning, we're sitting at breakfast with some of the other couples, and one of the owners (Bob) came to the table, points at Rebecca (one of the other gals), and says, "Did you use a blow dryer last night?"

Somewhat stunned, Rebecca responds, "Um, yeah...why?"

"Well," Bob says in his New Jersey accented, almost matter-of-fact tone, "that's why the air conditioner cut off last night. The outlet you used and the AC are on the same breaker (STUPID, STUPID, STUPID), so if it was hot upstairs (eyeing the rest of the table) that would be why."

All of us (except for one couple who together, probably weighed a total of 100 lbs.) all nodded in agreement. Of course, I, with my big mouth, blurt out, "Well, I'm glad it wasn't just us. Cause we're towering infernos when we sleep, and man...it was rough! By the way, Bob, you don't have to clean any of the blankets in our room - we didn't use them." I won't see these people again...it's okay.

Other memorable moments:

Having the weather channel say that it was going to pour all weekend, and it only rained twice that I can think of.
Pictures of the sky

Evan Almighty and License to Wed - we recommend both of them!

King-size bed...sigh...

Passing through Century, FL. (aw...Hannah...)

Realizations about sand. Specifically, the fact that I hate it. Officially.

Hearing God...

Good food

Activity points

Not only did I not gain weight, I finally made my 10% goal!!! New tattoo...here I come...

Spending time with old friends...Eric East...you're awesome. We love you!

And today, I was back at work. Boo...

Spending the 4th on the river...

2007-07-04T19:22:00.000-07:00

What a day. I've been continuously reminded of the differences between me and the rest of the South. I learned today that old toilets are as good as any other kind of planter for your flowers on your front porch, that having original KKK members in your family is something to claim, and that being distantly related to the Kennedy family is not. Please don't get me wrong, I love my in-laws and the rest of the extended family. However, I do take great pleasure in simply listening and attempting to understand the conversations that go on back and forth between some of the family members. Please...endulge yourselves in some of the comments:

Aunt Ginger: "Whin (When) somethings happen, I don't never plan on gettin' any more." (Speaking of having inside dogs)

Aunt Ginger: "Now, ya'll know how owuld (old) I am, but I can't remember nothin'. But ya'll know Mayrin (Myron, her husband, sitting across the room from her)...he can remember stoof (stuff) that don't nobody else remembers. He amazing me..."

Uncle Myron: "I been up there in that Michigan. Man, it was 17 degrees and snowin'. And I was dumb enough to leave them there boots outside of my sleeping bag. They was freeeezing in the mornin'." (In response to showing our pictures from our trip)

FIL (Father-In-Law): "Now, not all KKK members was stupid enough to go out and kill blacks. They was started ta keep peace, ta keep thangs right."

FIL: "Now, ya'll know the rednecks that come on down here...make them signs perty!" (Asking me to make signs to sell his watermelon, cantaloupe, and tomatoes on the side of the road.)

FIL to Myron: "What's that old song...somethin' about "the South shall rise again"? C'mon...who sang that there song?"

Myron to FIL: "Uh, not sure...uh...Carl Jr. Yeah...that be him."

FIL to Myron: "Oh yeah, Carl Jr. He was the best..." (Who the crap is Carl Jr.?!)

There's a taste for you. Needless to say, I'm more than ready for vacation tomorrow. More to come...

Well, I figured it would be higher...

2007-07-01T15:08:00.001-07:00

I'm counting down...

2007-06-29T08:32:00.000-07:00

...to the beach!! YAY!! We leave on the 5th to go to Pensacola, and we'll be back on Sunday, the 8th. This will be our first vacation by ourselves since we've been married, and although it will keep us tight on money for a minute, it'll be TOTALLY worth it. We're staying in a bed & breakfast in one of the historic districts down there...I'm so pumped. I promise...we don't travel anywhere near as much as we want to, so if it seems that way, it's not. :) I'm just ready to be with just my husband for a little while - a chance to relax and do NOTHING. We've committed to starting our 10 hours of prayer while we're there...I figure it's a good place to start. (For those who have no idea what I'm talking about, we're having a Month of Prayer at Safe Harbor Church during July. We've committed to praying for 10 hours throughout the month. For more info, click here.)

Needless to say, we need to get our butts in gear spiritually. Ever have those times in life where nothing seems right? I mean, my marriage is fine (no worries), and we love church, but other than that...it just seems...eh, I don't know....complacent, for lack of a better term. Paul and I were talking last night, and we both realized that we're selfish. Now, trust me, this is not a new epiphany for either one of us, but it did hit us rather hard. I realized that I miss Jesus. I miss Him because I haven't invited him to be with me lately. I haven't asked Him what He wants me to do with my life. I guess when you feel purposeless so often, it's hard to remember to do that. And it's not that I don't have a purpose...I just haven't been asking God about it as of late. Being in the South has aided me in thinking this way because you're in the Bible belt and everyone around you claims to be a Christian, so life is good...you don't need to change, you don't need to challenge yourself, you don't need the Bible or discipline...which, I've learned the hard way, is wrong. I know this. But I want to experience it, if for the millionth time. Does that make sense?

I love Luke & Shana (our pastor and his wife). They challenge us in so many ways, and that's one of the main reasons we know we're supposed to be at Safe Harbor right now. We're committed (even if we're not going to be there on the 8th...boo...) because we know, if nothing else, that this is where we belong for now. Paul and I are called to do something, we just don't know what yet. Having a place to call home for the time being is GREAT. I want God to challenge me again, to rid me of this selfishness, but not yet. I'm scared. I'm tempted. I'm not clean. And I know that it's in this particular state, that He gently (not forcefully) calls me back to Him.

Oh God..."my heart and flesh may fail, you're my everpresent help"...be my tower of strength right now...

50 Random Facts About Me

2007-06-28T17:18:00.000-07:00

My favorite movie is Remember the Titans.
My second favorite is Stranger than Fiction.
I have really wide feet.
My hair has been almost every color, except for fully bleached and black.
I’ve worn glasses since 1st grade.
I’ve loved Pepsi all of my life, but I now like Diet Coke a little better...
I knew I was going to marry Paul the day we went out to lunch at Applebee’s in Bessemer.
My dad is the third dad I’ve had.
I got married exactly 7 months after my 22nd birthday. To the day.
I’m going to Florida in a week.
I will have my second Bed & Breakfast experience in Florida next week.
I have family in at least 7 states (that I can think of).
My favorite number is 7.
I miss eating fettuccine alfredo.
If you include Canada, I’ve been to 11 countries other than the U.S.
I’ve had two surgeries in my life thus far – I’ve had both my wisdom teeth and my gallbladder removed.
My favorite color is Kelly green.
I bite my nails.
I’ve never been turned down at a job I’ve interviewed at.
I never carry cash with me. If I do, it’s extremely rare.
I have flown more times than I can count.
I was barefoot in my wedding.
I was born in Oak Lawn, IL.
I’ve moved 9 times.
If I had gone to college, I would have majored in either English or Psychology.
My husband is on the 10-year plan, and is now studying Psychology. We were meant to be.
I’ve lost almost 22 lbs since February.
I love seafood and meat – any kind, just about.
Ranch is my favorite salad dressing.
I love Harry Potter (books and movies, but books more). I can’t wait for the new movie to come out – July 11th!!!
I miss the North (or Midwest…however you want to look at it).
I personally know someone whose name starts with every letter of the alphabet except for Q, U, V, X & Z.
My favorite fiction book (thus far) is Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers.
One of my favorite non-fiction books is Messy Spirituality by Mike Yaconelli.
My house has 9 different colors painted on the walls.
I’ve sang in two weddings in my lifetime, and played my French horn in one.
I played French horn for 8 years.
We named our family dog Taffy because she was born in October (taffy-covered apples).
I want to live in Portland someday.
I could very easily eat pizza every day.
My top three favorite cereals are Cinnamon Life, Cocoa Krispies and Frosted Mini Wheats.
My favorite band (currently) is Anberlin.
My favorite singer/songwriter is Derek Webb.
I hate clowns.
I hate bugs.
We want to adopt kids someday.
I can’t wait to get a mini-van.
I can wait to have kids. For a while.
I love musicals, but I never have enough money to see the ones I want.
I love hoodies and flip-flops.

Thank Melissa...

Things I observed during our 4 hours at Midway Airport:

2007-06-27T19:19:00.000-07:00

Eating smelly food + sitting by strangers (us, to be exact) = GROSS
Being delayed over and over again seriously decreases your faith in Southwest Airlines
Crazy ladies in white cut off shorts cussing into cell phones for over 30 minutes should NOT have kids. And this one did - two boys - they don't stand a chance.
I heart Ben & Jerry's, hot wings and Amaretto Sours.
Preppy families awaiting their flight to Providence are charming (read ridiculous, and with a Connecticut accent). But the daughter had cute, red shoes. The son, on the other hand, was dumb. And the cuteness of the shoes wore off after crazy, cut off shorts lady complimented them. So sad.
Have you ever experienced the very end of existence - or at least the end of the terminal at the end of a wing at Midway airport? Wow...you feel as if you're going to fall off the face of the earth...or you already have...
Having to walk barefoot through security is disturbing on so many levels.
Paul refused to get an "I heart Chicago" t-shirt...he hates it here. Now I don't have a chance.
An Ipod and a laptop would have come in handy during this time.
Boob jobs on girls that are a size zero are ridiculous. They look as if they're going to capsize.
I desperately appreciate well-mannered kids sitting still and staying quiet in airports. We only saw two of them...maybe there's still hope for our kids...
Camouflage anything should be burned, unless you're hunting. And even then, it's ugly.
If you speak another language, that's awesome. Just don't go screaming it into a cell phone while next to me. Thanks.
Plaids and stripes DO NOT go together. I repeat - DO NOT.
Airport food is expensive. Boo...
Note to self - never accept a free alcoholic drink on an airplane, and especially not at 10:30 pm. Not a good combo.
And finally, to the weirdo flirting with the flight attendants and watching Garbage Pail Kids - The Movie...no one wants to hear you. I promise. Especially not when there's a screaming baby behind me, and two strangers talking it up on the other side of me. Get a clue - too much talky talky.

Needless to say, I'm glad I wasn't sitting in this predicament by myself. Paul was truly a sanity-saver...and I think we actually had some fun while sitting there. We didn't get home till 12:00ish last night (or this morning, rather) so sorry for the delay. Thanks for reading!

Day Four/Five

2007-06-26T06:09:00.001-07:00

Yesterday was an adventure, to say the least. Mini-golf happened, but little did we know that "Fineland" was going to be like a scene from a horror movie. All the games were broken down, the clown's face on the cotton candy machine completely distorted (and I HATE clowns), the skee-ball machine ate my quarter, and the mini golf was...rough. The greens were all torn up, the water in the "fountains" was mucky and brown, and the racing boats were afloat in the nastiest water I have ever seen. But man, such an exciting 18! Boo... Note to self - don't settle for the nearest mini golf course you find on the Internet. Research, research, research. Needless to say, we were all thankful that we attempted this place in the day light, because otherwise, we were awaiting a masked villain holding a chain saw or something...

Now, one of the best parts of the day was the fact that my brother had his boxers all over the lodge. This may sound strange, but this caused my future sister-in-law to post a huge note on the front door for when he returned from their game of real golf. A note that everyone saw. And laughed at. It just made me laugh because when he did come home, his first question to me was, "How do I deal with my future wife when she acts like my mom?" I had to say that he'll have to deal with it because it's part of our nature, and Paul had to throw in that most times, he gets stubborn and doesn't do what I ask because he doesn't want to be told what to do. At least he's honest...

Later that afternoon, Paul and I hit up the pool, while everyone went into town in waves. Now, I'm most definitely a fan of shopping in little shops for stuff you will NEVER need, but I just wasn't in the mood for it yesterday. We then proceeded to the restaurant of the almost-fainting host. He was better this time around, and had the knowhow to set us all up in one room. However, there was another family sitting at one of the four tables we needed, so like good grandchildren, we all piled into the room and took over one of the sets of tables already set up. We ran them out with our loud, Yankee talk, and fake arguments over sweet vs. sweetened tea. It was great. I think it took about 7 minutes total. We had a great dinner, the waitresses at least pretended to like our loud, obnoxious group, and the entire restaurant knew who we were when all of the grandchildren gathered together to YELL thank you to our grandparents in true, 5-year old fashion. Awesome.

The night ended with an excrutiating walk to a light house (thank you, cheap-a Pay-less shoes...we're still friends, it's ok...), another family photo at the light house, ice cream (again), and another set of sweaty, sticky badminton games. Yes, that's the proper spelling. In case you were wondering.

Today, however, is our last day here. I'm in the middle of immensely enjoying a homemade omelet, compliments of my Uncle Dave, and we'll continue on to clean up our stuff, and head out around 12:00 (11:00 our time) with Kari, the mom-like future sister-in-law. But Paul gets to drive the Acura. Our flight goes out tonight, and we return to our boring lives in AL. As quirky as our family is, I love and miss them a lot most of the time. It'll be hard to leave.

Day Three

2007-06-25T07:20:00.000-07:00

Yesterday consisted of eating, having "Bible time" with most of the family, hot tubbing, swimming, falling asleep on a pool chair, more eating, seeing my other set of grandparents, eating, the bean bag tourney (we were out in the second round - Mandy - thanks for being interested), eating, and a crazy, intense three games of badmitton - boys vs. girls. We lost all three. It made me sad. But we played for 90 mins - awesome activity points. Then we had to deal with my almost deaf grandfather watching Pirates of the Carribean (the first one) at top volume, even though people were sleeping. Boo...

I had some good conversations, napping, and activity. I just shouldn't work and move up here. Geez...

I think today we're facing possible mini-golf, shopping, and dinner as a whole family tonight at a restaurant in town. We attempted to make a reservation for 21 and a high chair on Saturday, and the host almost passed out. Gotta love big, family vacations.

Vacation, Day two

2007-06-24T07:06:00.000-07:00

So now I get to be on my cousin's MacBook Pro...and wow. I want this thing. Anyway, yesterday pretty much consisted of preparing for and taking family pictures. Super fun. Can you tell by the immense amount of happy in my typing?? 23 people (including all age groups between a newborn and my 70-something year old grandfather) taking pictures throughout the lodge we're staying at, and then being forced to go to the beach to take an immediate family shot. Too many pictures, in my opinion. And we all had to be in a similar color palette as far as clothing goes. Yeah...awesome. So I'm sweating my arse off and having to smile AND keep my eyes open in the sun...too much for a fat girl to handle, lemme tell ya.

But the photographer was the dad in the family I stayed with during my first year of Master's Commission in Hammond, IN. It was so great to see him and his family - they have four kids now, but only had two when I lived with them. It's so strange to see and hear about people growing up and multiplying (like, getting married, etc.)

Later in the afternoon, we went canoeing. Yeah. So, canoeing might not be the best thing for our marriage...we'll leave it at that. But it gave me 4 activity points with WW, so I that's all that mattered to me. Add some "strolling" with my mother (read "power-walking" while being in flip flops...ugh), and a couple minutes in the hot tub...and I was READY for ice cream. And I got it. Well, I got frozen yogurt, but it was still good. I then wasted 30 minutes of my life watching the end of War of the Worlds, and ventured off to bed. By the way, futons do NOT do it for me, no matter how how "comfortable" they may seem...it's all lies...

Paul has already commented on the fact that I'm getting addicted to this fine machine...and that was before he started to read this blog...

I woke up this morning to my grandfather shoving a bowl in my face full of tiny, folded pieces of paper, adamantly proclaiming that I HAVE to pick a number...NOW...before anything else. So, come to find out, these numbers are the pairings for an all-family bean bag tournament taking place today, and I'm paired with one of my uncles. Welcome to my family...

We're here!

2007-06-23T06:50:00.000-07:00

So, we got to Chicago after a longer flight than what we're used to, and we had to wait at the airport for a minute because Southwest updated my dad incorrectly - they told him we wouldn't get in until 9:20ish, but we ended up landing at 8:55. Oh well. My 16 year old brother was driving, so that made the trip home even more interesting. Of course, the usual banter ensues - "How's your job?" (I hate my job, I'm ready to slit my wrist) "Paul, how is the shop?" (He was ready to get away as well...) "You ready for this huge family picture?" (Oh yeah...good times). I love my family, but they're weird at times...

So after an excursion to check out bridesmaid's dresses at Ann Taylor with my future sister in law yesterday (the dresses are "watermelon"...woo hoo), we drove to Michigan. I find out while driving the three hours (or so) that my little brother is drinking, my other brother's youth group is giving him shiny, sequined dresses to wear (long story) and some of their single MILFs are hitting on him (um...yeah, there's no extra comments to make about that), and my mother is now drinking wine (my parents are committed to not drinking during their Bible Study, which meets during the school year, but apparently, the summer is ok to be a lush...) - wow. Super great trip. Super great.

Then we get to this Lodge. My entire mom's side of the family is staying in the same house. It's not as bad as it sounds at all, but since there are 6 married couples and only 5 bedrooms, Paul and I get the boot almost automatically because we're the youngest. Now, this sounds pretty crappy, and it is, for the most part. You have to understand that I'm the oldest grandchild, and I'm married. It's weird for everyone. So, needless to say, we get to sleep in a HUGE room with my two brothers, my future sis-in-law, and all of my cousins. Party room...excellent...

The lodge has wireless internet, though, so thanks to my Uncle Alan for allowing me to partake of his computer right now.

I'll continue to update...don't worry. This weekend is already proving to be something worthy of many blogs...

By the way...

2007-06-21T09:55:00.000-07:00

I hate money, and the banks that handle it. Because a lot of times, they don't handle it - they screw everything up. Grrr....

On a lighter note, we are leaving today to go to Chicago/Michigan until Tuesday for my grandparent's 50th wedding anniversary. I hope we make it to 50 years...dang. We're taking a big group photo - should prove to be interesting, to say the least. Our entire family is staying in one big cottage for the weekend/week (we're not staying that long). I love my family, and most times, I miss them tremendously...but mostly, I think I miss the North. I would move back up there somewhere in a heartbeat...

Did you notice I use "..." a lot? Anyway, I hope everyone is well - for the like, 5 readers of this blog thus far.

"You can't hold yourself together...

2007-06-20T10:22:00.000-07:00

...why should I hold you now?" (a line from "Never Take Friendship Personal" by Anberlin)

Disclaimer: I've had to say this in other blogs I've written - I appreciate anyone's feedback, but if you're going to give me a Sunday School answer (i.e. "pray about it", "God is always there", etc.), you can hold off for now. Thanks.

Sometimes, this is how I feel people see me. They think I'm super strong, can stand up to anyone or anything, and never have problems. Or, they think I'm extremely negative and sarcastic, so if I get out of control, helping me wouldn't be worth it. Well, to be totally honest, I don't like me. I don't like who I've let myself become. I don't like being negative - I promise, I wasn't always. I'm not sure if it's my attitude affecting everything else, or everything else affecting my attitude...probably some of both. But either way, it sucks. I have a great life - I'm 24 years old, I've lost 21 lbs. over the last 4 months so I'm feeling better than ever, I have an amazing husband, I own a house, my church has it's hang ups just like every other church, but God is moving an changing things, and Luke is a great pastor....but I still feel like the things my life revolves around aren't worth it. Does this make sense to anyone? I complain - I bitch, even - constantly. That's not good. At all. I can't hold myself together...I can't. But what to do? I cry out to Jesus for help, but either He's being really quiet right now, or I can't hear Him.

Blah.

So, why the name?

2007-06-16T07:11:00.000-07:00

Well, I came to Birmingham through a ministry program I was in called Master's Commission. Most of my family still remains somewhere in the Midwestern/Northern area of the country, and they all thought I was crazy. CRAZY. "Why Birmingham?!" Well, I try to do what God tells me to do, so...almost 6 years later, I'm still here. However, I continue to consider myself "transplanted" and many people here will still call me a yankee (and yes, they will still use the other part of that term)...hence the name.

Hi, I'm Lynn.

2007-06-15T12:49:00.000-07:00

Nice to meet you. I'm still in the process of figuring this Blogspot thing out, so keep coming back as this place is under contruction.

My church dragged me into this. :)